Evolution
by Crackinois
Summary: Next in the Revelations - Disclosure - Shadows series of stories.  Evolution's general theme is how Jane and Maura continue to build and deepen their relationship begun in my previous series. The last Chapter of this story/series is now posted.
1. Epiphanies

**Evolution**

**Notes:** Evolution is the next story in the series of Revelations – Disclosure – Shadows, this story will heavily reference the previous stories and therefore it may be helpful to read the others first. Evolution's general theme will be how Jane and Maura continue to build and deepen their relationship as established in my previous works. The passage that begins this chapter is from "The Dead" by James Joyce from the collection of short stories The Dubliners. The poem that ends the chapter is "The Ragged Wood," by William Butler Yeats.

**CH 1: Epiphanies**

_Generous tears filled Gabriel's eyes. He had never felt like that himself towards any woman but he knew that such a feeling must be love. The tears gathered more thickly in his eyes and in the partial darkness he imagined he saw the form of a young man standing under a dripping tree. Other forms were near. His soul had approached that region where dwell the vast hosts of the dead. He was conscious of, but could not apprehend, their wayward and flickering existence. His own identity was fading out into a grey impalpable world: the solid world itself which these dead had one time reared and lived in was dissolving and dwindling._

"Are you crying?" Jane stood in the doorway from Maura's master bedroom flanked by a billowing cloud of steam emanating from the bathroom. Dewey droplets from her shower still dripped from her barely toweled ebony hair to her strongly defined shoulders before carving little tributaries down her arms.

Maura sniffled reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheeks, "It's a very moving story…Jane, you're dripping on the floor." A disapproving eye glanced down at the moisture on the hardwood.

"Sorry." Jane stripped the plush navy blue towel from around her body and bent over fashioning a makeshift turban. Rooting through the various body creams on Maura's vanity Jane looked over her shoulder at Maura who had gone back to her reading, "Where's that unscented stuff, I think it was yellow?"

"I think you used it all," Maura replied, not looking up. She had been just one passage from the end of the story and she wanted to finish it. Jane continued sifting through the creams bringing the various tubes and jars to her nose to sniff, trying to find the least overpowering one.

The story complete Maura set the book down next to her and looked up, "Try the dark blue frosted jar in the back, it's not very strong but should blend nicely with your body chemistry."

Jane lifted the jar and padded, still nude to the bed, "My body chemistry?" she asked with a skeptical look on her face.

Maura straightened up, folding her legs to the side she patted the bed signaling Jane to sit with her, "Fragrances don't smell the same on everyone," she said taking the jar from Jane and unscrewing the silver lid, setting the open jar on the bedside table. She dipped the ends of her fingers into the white buttery cream, extracting a heaping dollop that she spread amongst both hands before starting application at Jane's shoulder and working her way down the long, toned arm.

"Skin type, pigmentation, diet, even medications a person takes can all influence how a fragrance interacts with individual body chemistry. I've noticed that fresh florals and spicey scents tend to smell the best on you." Maura's massage reached Jane's wrist; she reached for one more fingertip swipe of cream and worked her thumbs deep into the palm of Jane's hand, applying just the right pressure between each tendon on the back of her hand and between the knuckles and then down each fine digit.

"Everything smells good on you," Jane offered with a smile.

"Not true," Maura turned her massage back to Jane's palm and began working on the tissue around the scar, "That Christian Dior Addict perfume of mine you're fond of, you'll notice I never wear it. It makes me smell like I just worked out and rolled in cracked pepper and sage."

Jane laughed, "So, it makes you smell like roast lamb? I don't know Maur, you know how I like to eat; I might like that."

"Roast lamb in a men's locker room," Maura corrected, "not exactly tantalizing or sexy," she laughed.

"Ow!" Jane winced as Maura's hand massage hit a tender spot.

"I noticed your hands were bothering you today."

"You always know, when they're hurting versus when I'm just being fidgety. I've been using the rowing machine in the gym, it makes my hands sore sometimes."

"Other arm, turn around," Maura instructed.

Jane swung her long legs up on the bed as she switched sides. She spotted the book nestled in the downy waves of Maura's comforter and reached for it, "Is this one of the books Tara sent you?"

"MmmHmm, that one is a collection of short stories by James Joyce."

The book was old, worn, clearly a well-loved edition. Tara hadn't just sent her sister some brand-new straight off the purchase-shelf books; in addition to the family genealogy book she had sent her own personal copies of favorite works. Jane opened the front cover.

"_I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day." Never stop evolving, never stop seeking yourself, create the future and the you that you want to live and live it. All my love and all my pride, Dad._

Jane smiled, fingering the note, "Which one were you reading…that made you cry?"

Maura spread more cream between her hands as she deftly set to work on Jane's back, "The last one, 'The Dead'."

"What's it about?"

"According to Joyce, the purpose of the stories in the volume is to illustrate epiphanies, or moments of gained consciousness or awareness, many of them painful realizations. In that particular story, the main character, Gabriel is insecure and socially awkward and he compensates for this with a defensiveness wherein he seals himself off from ever really emotionally connecting with those around him, including his own wife. Gabriel has a moment of realization at a party, as his wife tells him a story about a boy she was in love with when she was younger that, despite having been married to his wife for many years he really doesn't know much about her, her past, why she is the woman she is."

Jane closed the book and set it down, "So, in other words, it reminded you of you..."

Maura's hands paused as her body stiffened.

Jane continued, "…how you _**used **_to be. The person you were afraid of becoming. Except, you're not that person anymore and we're not going to be that couple, because we've found a way despite all of the issues and insecurities between us to let each other in. Perhaps, through some very dramatic means…or maybe in spite of?"

Jane reached for Maura's hand and placed it over the scar on her ribs as Maura's cheek came to rest on her shoulder.

"It seems we're pretty good at making use of those…epiphanies as you called them, as they come, to move forward, learn from them and grow."

"Jane…you can be quite profound when you want to be," Maura smiled into Jane's shoulder and then raised her head to kiss the bare neck in front of her.

Scrunching the towel around her head to sap up the last of the dampness Jane removed her headdress and ruffled her hair as it fell into wavy sections over her shoulders. Wrapping the towel back around herself she twisted the end and tucked it inside so that it could hold up on its own as she pushed Maura down to the bed and draped across her midsection, her elbow on the bed propping up her head.

"Jane…the towel is wet…"

Rolling her eyes, Jane again stripped the towel off and rolled it up before dropping it on the floor, "Better? I guess there are some things about you I can't change," she said with a wink.

Maura smiled and ran her fingers through Jane's damp hair.

"So, was I right?"

Maura cocked her head, "About what?"

"My critical analysis of your reaction to the story," Jane replied in a faux British accent.

Maura giggled and ran her hand across Jane's cheek.

"I think all those A&E shows you've been making me watch are rubbing off…"

"Clearly," Maura said with a sarcastic arching of her eyebrows, "or you're finally comfortable showing how smart I always knew you were. And yes, I suppose your critical analysis was correct, I did see a reflection of myself in the story."

"Tell me a real story, about you…something you haven't told me already," Jane asked as she tinkered with the hand that Maura had placed on her hip. Tracing lines from Maura's wrist, down her fingers and then weaving her fingers in and out of Maura's grasp.

"What kind of story?"

Jane clucked her tongue inside her mouth before sucking in her bottom lip and nibbling on it, "Umm, ok, tell me the most embarrassing story you can think of that happened before we met."

Maura's brow furrowed and she shifted somewhat uncomfortably under Jane. Withdrawing her hand from Jane's hip she placed the edge of her thumbnail in her mouth and bit down, "Pick something else," Maura pleaded.

"Nope, cause we're not going to end up like Gabriel what's his name from the story. You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine."

The memory of the event came rolling back to Maura's mind, a long suppressed memory brought back to life at Jane's insistence. The green flecks in her eyes darkened. Jane had picked up a few observations of Maura as part of their relationship as well. Her eyes often morphed a brilliant and bright green when she was happy but darkened forest green to brown when she was angry or upset. At present they also glistened with a slight moisture indicative of brewing tears.

"Hey…hey, baby," Jane leaned forward, cupping Maura's face, "hey, if it's something you're not ready to talk about, it's ok. I'm sorry, I…I didn't mean to…"

"No, no…I want to tell you, I've never told anyone, it's just, it's embarrassing in a very hurtful way."

Maura took Jane's hands and held them to her chest, "It was the last week of school at my academy in Paris; I was graduating and coming back here for college. I've said before I was the weird girl, I didn't have any friends when I was in school. Certainly not any boyfriends. There was this one boy in my class, Armand, all the girls were infatuated with him. He was very smart and very attractive. Of course, I knew he would never be interested in me. There was a social event on the last night before we were all to leave and Armand asked me to be his date. I…I should have known it was all a joke, but I let myself believe in the fantasy. He took me back to his room and…I had been so lonely all through school no one had ever shown any interest in me. I was a virgin and I thought maybe for the first time in my life I should just leap. So I had sex with him, and it was awful and painful and I didn't know what to do so I just laid there. And then when he was done he got up and said I was the worst…well, he literally said I was the worst fuck he'd ever had and all that time a couple of his friends were hiding in the bathroom watching and they came out laughing. They had set me up and I was mortified. I went back to my room and I cried all night, and pretty much the entire flight back home."

"This, Armand, wouldn't happen to have a local address would he?" Jane asked, stroking Maura's cheek.

Maura laughed, shaking her head, "Not that I'm aware of."

Jane leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Maura's lips, "I'm sorry that happened to you. That was really cruel. I don't know if I would have ever had sex again if that happened to me."

Maura smiled and ran her hand along Jane's shoulder, "Well, lucky for you I didn't take that approach. You've never told me what your first time was like."

Jane popped off the bed and walked towards Maura's dresser, "Well, it wouldn't be my most embarrassing story, and it's not really on par with your first time…"

Maura sat up, fluffing the pillows behind her, "I doubt many people's first time story is…"

Slipping on a cotton tank top, some panties and a pair of boxer shorts Jane crawled under the covers next to Maura, "But, it still sucked. I think everyone's first time must suck to some degree."

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist and let her head rest on her shoulder, "Bobby Romero, high school, I was 16, he was 18. A whole group of us went to the Friday night football game and then out for pizza afterwards. Bobby and I took a little detour on the way home…one thing leads to another and we're doing it in the back of his Dad's Monte Carlo. It took a couple more times before I realized in the back of a car isn't so much my scene…"

"Good to know," Maura smirked.

"Well, now I never got to do it in the back of a luxury car…" Jane looked up and arched her eyebrows seductively.

"You'll just have to try that in the back of your next wealthy girlfriend's car."

"Damn, well, it was worth a shot," Jane slid down under the covers and motioned for Maura to join her.

"Your most embarrassing moment?" Maura asked, lying on her side face to face with Jane.

"I had been out of the academy like 4 or 5 months, out on the beat. My partner and I got a call on a person acting suspiciously in an area known for narcotics, so we roll up with another unit, see the guy and of course he takes off running. I jump out to chase on foot while my partner follows as best he can in the cruiser and this guy is like Carl Lewis, just taking fences and obstacles like an Olympian. Anyway I was gaining on him somehow and went to try and hurdle a fence and the prongs on the top of it caught me square in the crotch and ripped one whole leg of my pants clean off. Well I couldn't stop so I kept chasing the guy with my pant leg flapping and half my ass jiggling in the wind. He rounded a corner where the other units had anticipated he'd end up and ambushed him and then here I come…"

Maura couldn't hold back the laughter any longer. The mental image of Jane, breathless, in a state of half-undress with the tattered remnants of her uniform tangled comically around her ankle, "Please tell me you wore clean underwear that day," Maura choked out before covering her mouth as tears of laughter streaked down her face.

"Your empathy astounds me Maura."

"Oh, oh Jane…I'm sorry," Maura snorted out one last giggle as she placed a sympathetic kiss on the end of Jane's nose. She took a deep breath in an attempt to compose herself.

"I was in fact wearing clean underwear, gah Maura, I know you take issue with my femininity sometimes but I do always wear clean underwear…they just so happened to be hot pink with neon polka dots."

"Jane…" Maura was gripped with another bout of laughter, "…why on earth did you have…"

"They came in one of those multi-packs! They were on sale…" she lowered her voice out of further embarrassment, "…Ma bought 'em for me and I was low on laundry that week and all my normals were dirty."

"And the other officers, when you caught up with them…"

"Laughed at me mercilessly, I was afraid I would forever be known as 'hot pants Rizzoli.' I had to walk all the way through the precinct to my locker to get another pair of pants to finish my shift. I'm pretty sure everyone on duty that day saw my left butt cheek."

"Can I start calling you 'hot pants'?" Maura asked jokingly.

"Sure…do you enjoy sleeping alone?"

Maura shook her head, "Thank you. I'm glad I told you. I've never told anyone what happened with Armand."

Their lips crashed together, both seeking reassurance and offering support in light of the admissions that brought them story by story closer to full communion.

"So, would uh, James Joyce count all this as one of those epiphanies?" Jane asked, their lips separating only far enough for words to be spoken.

"Perhaps."

"Are Irish writers always so depressing?" The question was only partially in jest. The books were from Maura's newfound sister after all. Jane reflected on her observations of Tara, she had carried a brooding intensity behind her eyes that bordered on discomfortingly dark, more Paddy Doyle's daughter in character than Maura, Jane had concluded.

"No, not always," Maura answered, running her hand under Jane's top to sensuously stroke her lotion-softened skin.

"Not sure I believe you." The mumbled note of disbelief was more a taunt than true question as Jane leaned in to steal another kiss. Maura allowed her the momentary theft before using her thumb against Jane's chin to push her back. Her eyes looked up and to the right and her lips pursed as she scanned her mental inventory before smiling and beginning to recite:

_O, hurry, where by water, among the trees,_

_The delicate-stepping stag and his lady sigh,_

_When they have looked upon their images_

_Would none had ever loved but you and I! _

_Or have you heard that sliding silver-shoed_

_Pale silver-proud queen-woman of the sky,_

_When the sun looked out of his golden hood? _

_O, that none ever loved but you and I!_

_O hurry to the ragged wood, for there_

_I will drive all those lovers out and cry_

_O, my share of the world, O, yellow hair!_

_No one has ever loved but you and I._

Jane smiled, brushing Maura's hair back, "That was beautiful. Joyce?"

"Yeats."

"Would you…want to read more to me?"

The grin that couldn't help but spread across Maura's face gave away her feeling of pleasant and appreciated surprise, _she never ceases to amaze me_, "I'd love to," Maura replied.


	2. Perspective

**Notes:** Sorry for the unusual delay, this past week was totally hellacious at work so I wasn't able to do any writing. Anyhoo, I should reiterate that Evolution heavily references what I have built in my Disclosure and Shadows series so if you haven't read those there may be some references that won't make much sense. I also edited this under the influence of a bottle of wine...so, I can't be held accountable for major typos...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

**CH 2: Perspective **

There was a special and new tenderness in the way in which the wet wipe in Maura's hand glided over the young woman's cheek on her table. It was her third pass cleaning the victim's body though all specks of dirt and biologicals had been fastidiously washed away after her first rinsing. Nevertheless she'd made a second pass with the spray head and a sponge and now a third with a wet wipe.

It was as if she was trying to wash the bruises away on what had once been a beautifully striking face. Fair, porcelain toned skin with rose-kissed cheeks and deep chocolate locks with the faintest mahogany highlights. Her skin was marred now, bruised and abraded. If she were still breathing the deep purple contusions would stand in stark contrast to her pale and satiny skin. The discoloration was evident now, but less stark against the dusky sallow skin that death brought. There would have been scabs in her scalp if she had lived, what had probably been styled locks were frayed and broken from the struggle. There was a noticeable bald spot where a chunk had been ripped at the roots. It could be covered up though. Once crystal blue eyes were overpowered in a sea of red.

_Subconjunctival hemorrhage, fractured hyoid, cyanosis_…_consistent with physical trauma visible on victim's neck._ Maura noted the indicators in her report. _Final conclusion on cause of death: Ligature Asphyxiation._

The woman's parents had insisted their daughter's picture accompany her body to the morgue. Maura looked at the photo again, _she was beautiful_. It wasn't her job to make Candace Kouros look like the picture; that would be for the mortician. Maybe the woman's parents had thought that if her picture went with her body it would mean something. To them she was a victim, but she was also a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a best friend…so many things…a human being. A living breathing human being that sometime the previous night had enjoyed a latte at her favorite coffee shop during an open mic night, walked home and been assaulted and ultimately murdered. The parents had insisted the picture go with her body, Maura had looked at it before the autopsy, glanced at it during and upon completion she had certainly put an extra effort to closing her Y incision with a plastic surgeon's precision and of course the three cleaning passes until she was satisfied any mark she could remove had been so.

_When you are around death everyday it's easy to view a corpse as a shell_, she thought, _but it's not. A shell is hard and rigid. It's the wrong metaphor for something that held life. The body is a vessel. Trite. But…appropriate. This body held a fluid…abstraction, a flexible essence that interacted with the world and the people in the world around it. It held a life…it held…a soul._

This was her first sexual assault victim since her own attack at the hands of Officer Lloyd Kearns almost five months ago.

* * *

><p>The bullpen was abuzz as it seemed all of the officers from the Sexual Assault Unit had filed into Homicide. There was a turf war brewing. Maura weaved through the unfamiliar bodies that were congregating around the door to spot Jane and Deena Walters sitting casually at Jane's desk. They seemed largely to be ignoring the posturing between the other SAU and homicide detectives.<p>

Lt. Cavanaugh's voice could be heard starting to rise over the din as he argued with Lt. Miller who headed SAU, "Look, we've got several open cases and our space is bigger you should move the team you have working this serial up here…"

"What's going on?" Maura asked as she approached Jane and Deena.

"Hey Maura, good to see ya," Deena smiled, "Oh…Lt. Cavanaugh and Lt. Miller are just having a fun little pissing contest over there…"

Maura wrinkled her nose and furrowed her brow in a show of horror.

"It's a figure of speech Maur," Jane laughed, shaking her head, "our vic looks like the latest in the serial rape case Deena's unit has been working. The suspect has been gradually escalating and this is the first homicide so now the Lts are having a brass off over whether SAU is going to move their case detectives up here or whether we're going to be sent down to them."

"Ligature Asphyxiation," Maura stated dryly as she handed Jane her report, "the ligature marks are a uniform two inches, you'll notice the slight void here and some other patterned irregularities indicative of some kind of stitching…I would say the assailant used a belt to strangle her. I sent rape kit samples and fingernail scrapings to the lab…" _Pissing contest…territorial posturing. A woman is dead._

"They'll be negative," Deena sighed, "the victims say he's pretty well covered from head to toe, he uses condoms and then wipes them down with a bleach solution when he's done. We ain't got shit but a psych profile and approximate height and build and physical preferences in terms of what he's looking for in a vic."

Lt. Miller's voice shouted above the crowd telling his unit to clear out and the officers working the case to haul their files up to homicide.

Deena smiled and shook her head at the inevitable announcement, "Looks like your turf, got your A game Rizzoli?"

"Always," Jane replied with her telltale confident smirk.

* * *

><p>The lights in her apartment were all dimmed by the time Jane got home late that night. She was tired, yes, but these were the kind of days she lived for. A new case, a new puzzle to piece together and this was certainly a challenging one. Six victims so far, counting Candace Kouros the most recent. The day had been nonstop action, detectives from both units a flurry of activity; Homicide had to be briefed on the case to that point and then the collaboration began. The detectives from the two units had stayed late working and then all headed to the Robber for a drink. The earlier dissension seemed to disappear once they got down to business. That Jane and Deena already new each other seemed to help. They each took the lead for their respective units and their genuine camaraderie and cooperation encouraged everyone else to fall in line.<p>

It seemed strange to say but in a manner of speaking Jane found the case somewhat refreshing. _No, not refreshing_…she corrected in her mind as she placed her gun and badge in the buffet drawer in her living room…_intriguing, a change of pace._ Serial killers are rare. Hoyt was the only serial she'd ever worked. Deena had explained that the incidences of serial rapists were much higher, but lack of victims coming forward, typically less structured M.O.s and long gaps between victims made serials hard to identify. Not so in this case, the perp was running on about a two-week cycle, had a definite "type" and was highly patterned in how his attacks were carried out. There was an extra edge, an added intensity with a serial.

"Hey, I didn't think you'd still be awake. Everyone missed you at the Robber." Jane started stripping, her back turned to Maura who was sitting up in bed with only the bedside lamp on. "When we close this case, Deena wants us to go out to dinner with her and her girlfriend. I thought that could be fun…double date or whatever."

Maura's eyes didn't rise from the closed book resting in her lap. Her finger ruffled the pages at the book's corner. It was a different feeling, empathy…with a victim. There had been a strange sadness when she looked at her half-brother and mother after their murders. But, she didn't…she couldn't really know what they had felt. Candace Kouros was entirely different.

"Hey…" she jumped as Jane's hand touched her cheek, she hadn't even felt her slide into the bed. "…where are you?" Jane asked, her voice heavy with concern.

"I…I'm sorry…it's the case. It's my first sexual assault case since…"

Jane cursed herself mentally for not thinking about that. Her arms enveloped Maura before she could even finish her sentence. No words. None were needed. Touch said everything. Light breaths floated across Maura's ear before Jane pressed her lips to her cheek. She felt Maura's skin lift beneath the kiss as she smiled, a reaction to the comfort, the love, a sensation she had wanted to feel all day.

"Why didn't you say something before…I wouldn't have gone out after work…I…"

Maura pulled back to look in Jane's eyes as she raked her fingers through the long brunette tresses that fell scattered over Jane's shoulders, "Don't be sorry, I needed some time alone to process what I was feeling. It's not what you think. I've seen so many bodies, so many horrible ways that a person can end the life of another. But I've never considered what that person must have been feeling in those last moments. Today, for the first time, I did. I know exactly how she felt. The panic, the terror, the frustration and the anger. The desperation…of trying to fight but not succeeding, of screaming for help and waiting to see if anyone answers. And it was so much worse for her, because you came for me but no one came for her. It was an unnerving autopsy."

Jane leaned back into the wall of pillows Maura had stacked against the headboard, "Come here," she beckoned.

Maura kissed Jane's collarbone as she nestled into her side, resting her head in the crook of Jane's neck, "Do you remember that time…the first night you stayed over at my place when Hoyt was loose…and you asked if I would tell you if I was a cyborg?"

Jane snorted, "Yeah…you know I was joking right?"

A simple nod as Maura let her fingertips slide under Jane's top and skate across her abdomen, "I know you were joking. But, in a way there was truth to it. You said yourself the other night, when I was crying after reading that short story; 'cyborg Maura,' that was the Maura I used to be. You've helped teach me that it's ok to give into emotions. Sometimes, it still catches me off guard though, like it did today."

Minutes passed. Time was inconsequential, Maura's form relaxed into Jane's side, her hand stilling and coming to rest on the toned abs she had been caressing. It was exactly where she wanted to be; she could feel herself slipping into sleep. Her legs shifted and the book that had been lying ignored in her lap tumbled onto Jane's thigh. Jane glanced down at it.

"What were you reading?"

Reluctantly, Maura opened her eyes and reached for the book, "I pulled it off the shelf and never actually opened it. I got lost in my thoughts."

Jane reached for the book, an atrocious mossy green cover with burnt orange scroll work on the front. _Ash Wednesday by T.S. Eliot_. She placed the book on her opposite side as she leaned forward, still clutching Maura to her side she pulled the pillows from their upright prop and scooted them both down so that if they dozed off they would at least be in a normal sleeping position.

"Ash Wednesday by T.S. Eliot," Jane's husky voice announced.

Smiling, Maura reached for the edge of the comforter and pulled it up over them.

Jane began to read aloud:

_Because I do not hope to turn again_

_Because I do not hope_

_Because I do not hope to turn_

_Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope_

_I no longer strive to strive towards such things_

_(Why should the agèd eagle stretch its wings?)_

_Why should I mourn_

_The vanished power of the usual reign?_

_Because I do not hope to know_

_The infirm glory of the positive hour_

_Because I do not think_

_Because I know I shall not know_

_The one veritable transitory power_

_Because I cannot drink_

_There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there is_

_nothing again_

_Because I know that time is always time_

_And place is always and only place_

_And what is actual is actual only for one time_

_And only for one place_

_I rejoice that things are as they are and_

_I renounce the blessèd face_

_And renounce the voice_

_Because I cannot hope to turn again_

_Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something_

_Upon which to rejoice_

_And pray to God to have mercy upon us_

_And pray that I may forget_

_These matters that with myself I too much discuss_

_Too much explain_

_Because I do not hope to turn again_

_Let these words answer_

_For what is done, not to be done again_

_May the judgement not be too heavy upon us_

"Jane," her voice was soft almost hesitant, loathe to interrupt the dusky voice that so perfectly read words weighted with such meaning. She read the lines with an air of deep understanding and the words meant more to Maura because of the voice that spoke them. Jane paused.

Maura lifted her head to meet Jane's questioning gaze, "Back at New Year's you said you would like to find a church we could be comfortable going to together. We haven't talked about it since but if you really want to I want you to know that I meant it when I said I would go with you. I…I feel like it could be good for me…for us."

Her eyes fluttered shut as Jane's hand reached out and stroked from her forehead down her cheek, "I'd like that."

Maura settled back onto Jane's chest, she smiled as she soaked in the slight vibration as Jane continued to read:

_Because these wings are no longer wings to fly_

_But merely vans to beat the air_

_The air which is now thoroughly small and dry_

_Smaller and dryer than the will_

_Teach us to care and not to care Teach us to sit still._

_Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death_

_Pray for us now and at the hour of our death._

Slow and rhythmic breathing signaled that Maura had succumbed and drifted off to sleep. Jane eyed the second stanza of the poem and decided to save it for another night. She closed the book and set it aside. Her eyes followed the spinning of the ceiling fan for a few moments before her body took over and ushered her into sleep.


	3. Sin Luz

**Notes:** Please note the rating change, this Chapter takes us into an M rating. Thanks for the comments so far I appreciate your thoughts!

**CH 3: Sin Luz***

The initial intrigue over the new case was wearing thin as Jane sat at her desk and poured over the files SAU had brought up. They had done good work but there was so little to go on. Jane squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose, _too much damn reading, not enough damn doing…and….shit, I'm starving._

"Hoping you'd have some big AHA! moment and find something we missed that would crack it open," Deena joked from the makeshift card table desk she was stationed at also buried in files.

"Yeah, sort of," Jane laughed slapping the fifth victim's file down on the desk as she leaned back stretching her long arms out and popping the vertebrae in her spine over the back of her chair. At that moment her stomach rumbled with a ferocity that made it clearly audible for an embarrassingly expansive stretch of space.

"Jesus…" Jane doubled over grabbing her stomach.

Deena snorted, "Damn Rizzoli, eat a donut or something."

Jane shook her head laughing as well, "It just kind of snuck up on me; all of a sudden I'm starving."

"That's probably because it's an hour and a half after your usual lunch time," Maura's voice rang out from behind her.

Jane checked her watch, _sure enough_, "Completely lost track of time, Maur, did you eat yet?"

"No," she replied as she took a seat on the edge of Jane's desk. Her skirt hitched up several inches and Jane reached out and tugged it about an inch back down before resting her hand on one exposed knee.

They had established a certain lunchtime routine. Most days they packed lunches at home. If it was a slow day they'd eat down in Maura's office, or up in Homicide or occasionally down in the coffee shop. When Jane was in the throws of a case or Maura backed up with autopsy or other evidence processing then they flew solo. But, usually once a week they wouldn't pack a lunch and would meet to grab lunch out.

"Well," Jane glanced at her watch again, "I could use a break and since we didn't bring lunch today why don't we head down the block to Panera or something? D, you wanna go with?"

"Absolutely, I'm pretty damn hungry now that I think about it," Deena stood and grabbed her blazer off the back of the chair.

Jane shuffled through her drawer and pulled out her wallet, "Frost, Korsak, lunch?"

"When have you ever needed to ask me that question?" Korsak joked as he stood to join them. Frost shook his head, laughing under his breath as he collected his wallet as well.

* * *

><p>"I still say we should have gone to Pepperoncini's for calzone," Korsak stated again, dejectedly as he took another bite of his turkey panini.<p>

"I think you missed your calling in life Korsak," Frost retorted, "I think maybe you should have opened a calzone joint."

"I don't wanna make 'em, I just like eatin' 'em."

"Yeah, we can tell," Jane jabbed eliciting a volley of snorting laughter from Frost and Deena but a somewhat reproachful sideways glance from Maura.

"Not to ruin lunch with work talk, but…I think we should use a female officer as bait, put someone undercover, see if we can get this asshole to nibble…" Deena interjected as she dunked a chunk of sourdough roll into her chicken noodle soup and swirled it around until the bread was thoroughly saturated.

Jane shrugged, "That's not a bad idea, but how would we even go about that? How do we make him notice our girl over every other woman in the city?"

Deena tried to turn in the booth and accidentally stepped on Maura's foot under the table, "Sorry Maura…I mean it's a crapshoot but what else do we have? We've got a psych profile, we know his type, all of the victims live a reasonable distance from each other, we've even catalogued a few different social locations all admit to frequenting relatively regularly. There's a good chance he's working that area. The profile tells us he's a planner, it means he probably stalks his victim to a certain degree before attacking, he follows her, sees where she lives, gets an idea on any daily habits she has. Like Candace Kouros, she goes to that open mic night at Wicked Bean Coffee every Tuesday and Friday evening. Three blocks away, victim number two Jacinda Barrett gets off work every Thursday at 2pm and reads for a couple of hours at the independent book store. I've found at least one pattern for each victim at some kind of social or retail establishment in the same area."

Korsak crossed his arms, "Ok, so, we get an apartment in the area, we bug it, put it under surveillance. All the vics are what, late 20's early 30's, attractive, fit, brunette…we could put Jane undercover…"

"No!" Maura blurted out looking up from her salad.

She felt the sting in her cheeks immediately. The silence that fell right after her exclamation was deafening, _not your place_, she thought, her fork tapping out a nervous rhythm on the bottom of the almost empty bowl. It was her job. If Jane felt going undercover was the best chance of solving the case, she would do it, she would have to, her conscience wouldn't settle otherwise. A dark fear gripped the pit of her stomach as past words ran through her head, _'I love my job, and anyone who's going to be with me has to accept that…'_ Maura's leg flinched when Jane's hand unexpectedly came to rest on her thigh.

"Wouldn't work," Jane garbled out despite a mouthful of sandwich, "if he tails potential victims, whoever goes under can't 'be a cop,' won't be able to come into the station. We'd need someone not neck deep in active cases. Plus, I'm too recognizable, what with Hoyt, the Marino incident and…" her voice trailed off as she caught herself before mentioning Kearns and the press conference which had outed her and Maura to practically the entire city, though everyone knew what the next comment was going to be.

"Besides," Deena interjected drawing the attention away from Jane, "and no offense, Jane's not the best we can do. Yeah all the vics are brunette, but it's more nuanced than that. All have blue eyes, much fairer in complexion, and are…well, there's no delicate way to put this, athletic in a curvier way."

"Damn D, you saying I don't have sufficient junk in my trunk?" Jane smiled coyly.

"Surprisingly, you keep your vehicle quite tidy," Maura stated as she took the last bite of her salad, looking questioningly as her friends burst into laughter.

"Junk in the trunk, Maur, it means a woman with a…voluptuous rear end," Jane laughed giving Maura's thigh a squeeze.

"Oh, well your posterior may not be rotund but it's more than…"

"Maura!" Jane interrupted, "please don't talk about my ass in front of Frost and Korsak," she grumbled out of the corner of her mouth as Frost coughed out a laugh into his napkin. Korsak made no effort to hide his amusement as he smiled and raised his eyebrows in Jane's direction.

Frost cleared his throat, "So, not Jane…who then?"

"Got anyone in SAU?" Korsak asked. Deena nodded no.

"Michelle Davis…" Maura threw the name out as she daintily sipped her iced tea.

Deena whacked her spoon on the edge of her soup bowl, "Michelle Da…holy crap, she'd be perfect!"

* * *

><p>An unusually chilly Spring had finally been vanquished by the month of May. It was a little unsettling though, in the 40s well through April and then in a matter of days into the 80s. Jane refused to turn the air conditioning on in her apartment yet. The warmth hung in the apartment though not yet at an uncomfortable temperature. However, the impending summer would bring with it oppressive humidity. For the moment the pleasant whirring of the ceiling fan kept Maura more than comfortable as she lay on Jane's bed, her eyes closed as she half-heartedly meditated in between thoughts about broaching the air conditioning subject and what summer sandals she should purchase from her recent perusal online.<p>

Jane quietly tiptoed into the room; she enjoyed getting to steal glimpses of Maura when her girlfriend didn't know she was looking.

"Smells like a luau in here," she said finally breaking the silence after staring for a moment. Jane walked over to the bed and sat down in the small bit of space between Maura and the edge.

Maura's hazel eyes slowly opened, "New candles, coconut and pineapple…"

"They're giving me a craving for a pina colada."

Maura giggled and placed her hand over Jane's, "I'm sorry…about lunch today."

A simple nod and Jane's understanding eyes waited for Maura to continue.

"I would never tell you what the best way to do your job is…"

"I know," Jane reassured her as she squeezed the hand that was tentatively stroking the back of her palm.

"I didn't react like that because of you going undercover. You've been under before and I'm sure you'll have to again at some point…it's…" Maura paused biting down on her lower lip.

"It's this case," Jane finished for her.

"If it went badly…then you would have to carry the same pain and sense of violation that I do. I'm not sure I could be as strong for you as you were for me…I realize how selfish that sounds, like I'm only thinking about me…" Maura's laugh was laced with nervousness and guilt as she covered her eyes with her hand.

"Maur, I have no doubt that God forbid if anything…else should happen to me that you will be everything I need you to be. Because that's what you do for the people you love, you rise to the occasion. Even when you're hurting, even when you're scared, even when you feel just as violated as they do, you become what they need you to be and you won't have to think about it you'll just do it. And I know you can do it because you already have."

Jane lifted her shirt to expose the scars from the shooting, "I blew a hole in myself Maur, and I know that I wouldn't be where I am now mentally, emotionally if it hadn't been for you."

Maura sat up and pulled Jane into an embrace, "They'll never completely be gone will they?"

Jane sighed, _no they won't._

"Hoyt, Marino, Kearns, even Donegal…a part of them will always be here," Maura finished.

"Yep, but what we make of those parts is up to us," Jane kissed Maura's temple, "And now, if that's enough of a heart to heart for the moment I'd like you to join me in the bath I drew before the water gets cold."

* * *

><p>Rose oil filled the bathroom with an intense but not overpowering aroma. Small tea lights flickered off the walls providing the only illumination. Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath letting the sensual floral notes wash over her and inside her. She smiled as Jane's fingers wound through her hair pulling it up in a loose bun as she placed light kisses on her neck.<p>

"Quite an elaborate set up for a run of the mill evening bath, I'd say you planned this Jane Rizzoli."

Jane reached down to Maura's hips and tugged her tank top off, "I thought you could use a little help relaxing."

All clothes having been shed Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist and paused as she rested her chin on the silky shoulder in front of her. She smiled as she exhaled and kissed Maura's shoulder before leading her to the tub. They slipped into the warm water, Jane in back allowing Maura to settle into her lap. Jane fiddled with the remote to the speaker dock that her iPod was set up in, the contraption was new and she hadn't quite gotten the hang of it yet but with relatively little internal cursing of the technology an alluring and dulcet stream of warm notes filled the silence.

Maura smiled at how perfectly the expertly plucked guitar notes complimented the essence of rose that hung in the air, it was romance and sensuality in scent and sound.

"Andres Segovia, I see you've been perusing my music collection again."

Jane nuzzled Maura's face as her hands explored Maura's torso, "Mmmhmm, the opera stuff isn't so much my thing. But I like this. Kind of makes me wish I had taken guitar instead of piano."

Maura lifted her arms and extended them behind Jane's head where her fingers could fidget with loose tendrils of brunette hair. She hummed her approval as Jane's hands deepened their ministrations on her body, massaging and kneading as they moved higher towards her breasts.

"Ah," Maura gasped as she arched her back seeking more contact from Jane's deft fingers that were manipulating her nipples.

Jane laughed, sending a chilling breath of air over Maura's damp neck before she licked and kissed the goosebumps away.

"I want to touch you," Maura pleaded, "and I need you to touch me." Her body began to rock but her position in Jane's lap gave her no contact point.

Jane reached up and pulled one of Maura's hands out of her hair and manipulated it to drag down her face to cup her cheek before sucking one of Maura's fingers into her mouth, "We are touching," she stated facetiously as she momentarily released the finger before sucking it and another back in, the warmth of her mouth surrounding them as her tongue danced lightly across the delicate digits.

"Not what I meant," Maura said huskily.

"Turn around then."

Maura stood, the oiled water leaving a glistening sheen on her skin in the candlelight as a shower of drops fell back to the pool of water in the tub. Jane smiled folding her arms behind her head, enjoying the view as Maura turned around.

"You should never wear clothes."

Maura eased back into the water straddling Jane, who sat up pulling her girlfriend in closer, "But Jane…"

Jane captured the speaking lips, cutting her off, "Yeah yeah…" one kiss, "artistry…" another kiss, "human creativity…" a deeper kiss as her tongue slipped into Maura's mouth, "blah…" kiss, "blah…" kiss, "blah…"

Maura rolled her hips finally being rewarded with some contact. It wasn't a night for slow and reverent lovemaking. Sometimes desire just needed to be satisfied, gratification needed to come quickly. Jane reached for Maura and Maura for her in return. Jane groaned into Maura's neck letting her teeth rake across sensitive skin as her lover's strokes quickened and pushed deeper drawing her closer to release. Maura's breathing became rapid, shallow and audible as she bucked against Jane's fingers causing the water in the tub to slosh back and forth like waves lapping at a beach. Some of the water crested at the lip of the tub and flowed over onto the tile floor.

"Jane…Jane…" Maura panted as skillful manipulation sent waves of ecstasy through her core. She smiled and cradled Jane's head in her neck as she felt her lover clench and spasm around her simultaneously.

They sat holding each other in the diffuse glow of candlelight, cheek to cheek, only their stilling breaths audible accompanied by the slow and methodical tune of Segovia's Estudio Sin Luz. The fragrance of the rose bath oil dissipated with the passing minutes, and the playlist of classical guitar picked its way to an inevitable end. Tiny tea light candle wicks were eventually overcome by rising wax and one by one the flames shrunk and sputtered until snuffed. Darkness and silence overtook the room with the exception of steady breaths and the occasional shifting ripple of water and whispered I love yous.

* * *

><p><strong>*Sin Luz, "without light"<strong>


	4. Responsibility

**Notes:** Sorry for the ridiculous length of time it took me to update, real life and crazy work schedule happened and I haven't had much time to write but now that things are calmed down hopefully I'll get back in the groove! Thanks as always for reading and reviewing if you feel so inclined!

The murky heat of the late evening air hung around the unmarked van and pooled thickly inside it. The late summer days and the humidity off the water had grown increasingly unbearable over the two weeks since Michelle Davis had gone undercover in the serial's suspected target neighborhood. Jane undid another button on her shirt and peeled the fabric off her sticky skin trying to fluff it and create a current of air. She quickly glanced over at the other occupant of the vehicle and slyly attempted to maneuver the lightly whirring fan more in her direction, an act which did not go unnoticed by Deena.

"Rizzoli! Seriously dude, no hogging the breeze!" Deena reached out and tweaked the fan back to its position splitting the difference between them.

Jane let out an exasperated and guttural sigh, "Why do we always get van duty on our night?"

"Because twinkle-toes Korsak got a doctor's note about heat and his old feeble heart, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I gotta think of something really good to pay him back for this." She checked the monitors in their set up including the feed from the apartment where Korsak and a couple of the guys from SAU were for all intents and purposes lounging, no doubt infinitely more comfortable in the air conditioned bliss of their stake out location.

"I would kill for some caffeine right now but hot coffee be damned. Think if we radioed out we could get someone to deliver some sodas or red bull or something?" Jane reached up and gathered her hair, which was hanging damply in the front but plastered uncomfortably to her neck in the back. In a swift motion indicative of more than adequate practice she twisted it up into a bun and threaded a sharp pencil through the rolls to secure it in place.

A light knock wrapped against the sliding door of the van prompting Jane and Deena to draw their weapons. Jane slowly drew back the door.

"Goddammit Maura! What are you doing here?" Jane rolled her eyes as she holstered her gun.

A light breeze blew in the open door from the outside and Jane's eyes fluttered shut as she relished the little rush of coolness that swept over the sheen of sweat that had coated her skin, "Christ Deena," she muttered, "it is officially cooler outside than it is in this van."

Maura tapped out a slight hint of annoyance with her foot on the pavement. Since Michelle had been put undercover Jane and the other members of the team from the combined Homicide and SAU task force had been working nearly around the clock. Needless to say being greeted with profanity and exasperation was not what she was hoping for when she decided to venture down to the stake out site.

"The heat…" Maura began, "…is why I'm here, I thought you could use a cold beverage and based on the periorbital discoloration and inflammation I observed earlier…" she paused and motioned to her own face, "dark circles and swelling under your eyes, I thought you might also be in need of some caffeine." She held out the tray with three iced coffees.

Deena snickered, "Way to be an asshole, Rizzoli," she mumbled giving Jane a teasing wink as the brunette shot her an icy glare.

Jane reached out and took the tray and then re-extended her hand to help Maura into the van. There were only two stools so Jane motioned for Maura to take hers as she settled onto the floor taking a long draw off the icy sweet beverage, "Thank babe, sorry I snapped at you…"

The earlier annoyance in her face softened to understanding, "It's ok," Maura replied, "you're frustrated and exhausted. Still nothing?"

Deena sighed, "Nope, but based on his cycle it's been almost two weeks he should make a move soon…hold on, this is Deena, over? Copy that." Deena looked over at Jane and Maura, "Michelle is leaving the bar and walking home, ETA to the apartment should be about 15 minutes."

Jane looked at Maura and managed a slight smile, "Thanks for the coffee Maur, but you should go, no one can leave the van once Michelle is back in the apartment in case the perp has followed her so unless you're itching to spend the night in this fine establishment you better head out."

Maura leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Jane's lips, "Begrudgingly, I'll head home, but you're due for a day off after this schedule. Let me know when you're going to take it and I'll take the same day."

Jane nodded and gently shut the van door behind Maura as she exited.

A precision throw landed a pen upside Deena's head as she had been unable to contain a teasing giggle, "Ow!" she giggled some more, "Can't help it Rizzoli, you two are so sweet it damn near gives me diabetes!"

* * *

><p><em>Day off<em>. Jane tried to snuggle deeper down into Maura's luxurious covers. She wanted to be wrapped in softness and comfort, enveloped in the smell of soft flowers and fresh linen. Have the frustration of the past couple of weeks vanquished. _Free_.

Light breath threaded through the sparse locks of hair that still lay across the right side of her neck. The bulk of her hair had been swept aside by the soft hand that stroked rhythmically up and down her back. She smiled as a delicate kiss landed on her shoulder.

Maura inched closer, she had thought of just letting Jane sleep uninterrupted for as long as she wanted but she needed to touch her. A satisfied hum of contentment escaped her lips as Jane rolled onto her side and buried her face into her chest. Maura's fingers found a familiar place intertwined in long brunette tresses. Both drifted off in the warmth of the late morning sun from the uncovered bedroom windows.

_Unacceptable._ Maura's eyes struggled to open, awakened by the litany of rings and vibrations from the two phones on the bedside table.

_Figures._ Jane groaned but wrapped her arms tighter around Maura, reluctant to let go. Ringing phones meant only one thing, a body. _No rest for the weary._

"Dr. Isles…we'll be right in." Maura sighed and placed an apologetic kiss on the crown of Jane's head, "We've got another suspected rape-homicide…"

Jane shot up.

"It's not Michelle." Maura finished.

Jane swung her legs out of the bed and ruffled her sleep-matted hair, "Ok, I've got to stop by my apartment and get some clean clothes, you head on to the station and I'll meet you there."

* * *

><p>The members of the joint task force congregated in the conference room pouring over the photos and notes from the new crime scene. The newest victim matched the type; same neighborhood, M.O. matched the serial.<p>

A symphony of pencil taps drummed in rounds across the conference table. Another young woman, Jennifer Bernhard, a Boston University grad student in molecular biology, lay on a cold sterile slab in the BPD morgue. Her friends and faculty would describe her as driven, full of promise she had just secured a post-doc position at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta.

_Another body, another scene and nothing more to go on than before._ Jane massaged her temples, trying to quiet the pulsing that was filling her ears with an obnoxious beat. It almost drowned out the bickering between Lt. Cavanaugh and Lt. Miller. Almost, but not quite. They were arguing over whether to keep Michelle undercover for another cycle.

The loud crack of wood halted everyone's nervous tapping and all eyes shifted to Jane's hand, which clutched the snapped pencil.

She slammed the two halves down onto the table, "This guy is planned, regimented, hell, he's damn near flawless! He probably scouts his targets in advance, which means he had probably picked out Jennifer Bernhard before we even put Michelle under, maybe even before he attacked Candace Kouros. We need to leave Michelle under, at least for another cycle. If we end up with another vic in two weeks then we can talk about pulling her."

With Deena's backing everyone agreed.

* * *

><p>Jane collapsed onto her sofa that evening, beer in hand. An invisible weight pressed her deep into the cushions, her spine curved into the back of the couch as her shoulders rolled forward and centimeter by centimeter her head lolled slowly to the left creeping lower until her chin came to rest on her own collarbone, her cheek on her shoulder. Her body took back control and she didn't feel herself slipping into unconscious as muscle group by muscle group relaxed; her face first starting with her eye lids that dropped like a theater curtain, her jaw, which had been clenched let go, her neck as her head began to sag, then shoulders, the release moving like a wave down both arms until even her fingers fell open the beer bottle teetering forward to rest horizontally on the sofa spilling out a stream of its golden liquid to the floor.<p>

She didn't feel her body go, or hear the liquid splattering. Nor did she hear the door to her apartment open about an hour later, or feel the bottle with the remainder of its now tepid brew slid out from under her limp hand. It wasn't until soft hands made it their purpose to try and remove her boots did Jane snap awake with a gasp.

"Jesus, Maura. You almost gave me a heart attack."

With no need to be careful now, Maura finished yanking off Jane's shoes and took a seat next to her on the sofa, "I was trying to let you sleep. As if I wasn't sure before, you fell asleep with your beer in your hand, now I know you're exhausted."

Jane reached up to stroke the porcelain cheek of her girlfriend with her thumb, "Your peri-orthotic whatevers are kinda dark and puffy too ya know."

"Periorbital, Jane."

"You knew what I meant."

Maura giggled and reached behind Jane's neck with one hand to massage it, "Talk to me, you're not usually this frustrated over a case."

Jane turned and crossed her legs so Maura had access to give a two-handed massage of her neck and shoulders, she sighed and paused for a moment.

"Serials are different."

Jane flinched as Maura's thumbs dug deep into her trapezius, "Try not to tense up," Maura encouraged softly and then waited for Jane to continue.

"I feel responsible."

"For what?" Maura asked, a note of confusion in her voice.

"For every woman's broken and beaten body that ends up on your table, for every mother, father, brother and sister's door I have to knock on from Candace Kouros on because we can't dig up even a scrap to go on. Serials are different because you know they're going to strike again, and this son of a bitch is just so damn good, it feels like all we can do is sit around and wait for another body. Sit around and wait to go tell another mother her daughter's been raped and murdered, but oh, sorry, we don't know who did it but here, join the 7 family strong support group for this bastard's body count. When it's just a one off you owe that one victim's family closure, you owe it to some grander scheme of justice to catch the bad guy and put him behind bars. But here, this case, every blue-eyed brunette girl in her 20s or 30s I pass on the street, I feel like I owe it to her personally, like I'm responsible for her safety, her life, her future, and when the next one winds up under your knife it means I failed."

Silence. Maura let it become the loudest thing in the room. Her chin rested on Jane's shoulder as she wrapped her arms around the tense and wiry frame in front of her. She waited, her hand dancing lightly back and forth across Jane's heart; she could feel its excited rhythm begin to calm.

"And yes, logically I know that if another woman is killed it's not my fault…I…I just…"

"It's what makes you a good detective," Maura interjected.

"I thought you might say it's what makes me crazy and unbearable to be around," Jane looked over her shoulder with a wink and sly smile that was imbued with only the tiniest amount of jest. No man she had ever dated had been able to stand her for as long as Maura had, those of course that she hadn't kicked to the curb herself. It was a lasting insecurity, could someone really lover her…all of her, even the crazy workaholic that would go weeks on the barest minimum of sleep that a person could function on, that would be cranky, snappy and downright bitchy, inattentive and bordering on distant because of being so consumed in a case that nothing and no one else mattered.

_You, Jane Rizzoli, are not exactly a catch_. The thought rolled persistently through her mind.

"It's what makes you a good detective, who can at times become so consumed in a case she borders on mildly neurotic and unbearable to be around. But, the force needs that, and the city needs that, and the families of all of those women you've passed on the street in the past two weeks need that. And I need you all the rest of the time, which is more than worth putting up with this Jane Rizzoli for the time being for."

Maura stood and took Jane by the hand and led her to the bedroom, "Now, you should get some rest, because while your passion to sleep as little as humanly possible during a case is admirable it is also actually quite counterproductive. No one functions at their peak on as little sleep as you've had for such an extended period of time."

Jane stretched and groaned with satisfaction as the vertebrae in her spine popped sequentially as she arched her back. She shed her clothing and was on the verge of haphazardly depositing them in the middle of the bedroom floor when she could feel Maura's disapproving stare from behind; she caught herself and instead dropped the items in a hamper.

"Cavanaugh commented about you being slightly tardy this morning because of having to come back here to get clean clothes, so I just packed a week's worth of my things, until the case is solved don't worry about spending anytime at my place I'll just run home for items if I need them and that way we'll be here and closer to the station if any breaks in the case come at odd hours." Maura looked over shoulder and smiled as she hung her fresh clothes in Jane's closet.

"I think we should move in together." Jane blurted it out, exhaustion having completely shut down any filter that might have once operated between her brain and mouth.

Maura kept her back to Jane for a moment, silence, she tried to envision the look of horror that was likely plastered across her girlfriend's face, though she herself was smiling from ear to ear. Jane once said that Maura had made all of the first moves in their relationship, and in many ways she had. But, she had recognized for some time that as fiercely independent as Jane was it was necessary for her to take the next step. They practically already lived together, alternating between two residences. But there had been a safety in going about the past months that way, the out was always there, the opportunity to ask for more than a late night at work induced evening alone.

"Do you mean that?" Maura asked trying to calm the emotion in her voice.

Jane paused, and the gravity of the question she had just so nonchalantly blurted out hit her, though as the seconds ticked by she realized it wasn't fear of taking that step with Maura that was making her heart race. On the contrary, it was the realization that yes, in fact she did mean it, and she wanted it and the only fear that existed was that Maura might say no.

"Yeah…" she said it timidly at first, almost questioningly, "…Yeah, I do. I mean it," she finished, more confidently.

Maura left the rest of her bag unpacked and slipped into bed. She reached for Jane's hand, clasping it she brought it to her lips and kissed the back of the tanned palm over the scar, "I'd like nothing more."

"My place or yours?" Jane replied with a snort as she eased effortlessly down to her pillow and under the covers.

Propped up on her elbow, looking down at Jane's face, which had noticeably relaxed, Maura let her fingernails drag lightly across Jane's exposed collarbone.

"I'm joking of course," Jane replied, opening one eye to look up at Maura, "Your place, obviously."

"I was thinking neither actually," Maura said causing Jane to join her at eye level, head propped on hand.

"It's much more convenient for you to be in the city, closer to the station when you're on a case and quite frankly I've begun to appreciate the proximity to work for those few extra minutes of sleep in the morning and for the shorter commute home after a long day. When you've solved the case, why don't we look for a condo around here and I can talk to my realtor about putting my place on the market?"

"You sure?" Jane asked, stricken with a bit of disbelief at what she was hearing.

"Mmhmm" Maura murmured into Jane's lips as she leaned in to capture a kiss, drawing in Jane's lower lip and nibbling ever so lightly on it, "I don't want you to move into _**my**_ place, I want us to find a place together, something that's really _**ours**_. If you like the sound of that."

Jane smiled and pulled Maura in for another kiss, "I love the sound of that actually."


	5. Author, Word and Inspiration

**Notes:** Ok, several this time around. The poem Jane is reading once again references the work "Ash Wednesday" by T.S. Eliot first referenced in Chapter 2. Furthermore the Episcopal parish reference in this chapter – Emmanuel Episcopal Church in Boston is real, this is their website if anyone is interested: additionally the sermon I quote from is from Emmanuel's Rector the Rev. Pamela Werntz and is available in its entirety on the church's website. It is dated from May 30th, 2010. The title of this chapter takes its name from the title of the sermon.

**CH 5: Author, Word and Inspiration**

A thickness hung in the air. Palpable. Humidity like a dense fog; it had substance. She could touch it. She could see the mirage-like waves rising off the pavement in front of her. It looked like she was running towards glass, but she neared and imagined her body like a hot blade, slicing through butter and she cut through it. The illusion disappeared and reappeared further ahead.

Oppressive, the heat. It reached out for her and grasped at her skin but couldn't take hold, sliding off in salty beads of sweat that coated her body in a slimy but satisfying sheen. She wouldn't let it win. Her feat pounded out their established rhythm as she willed herself forward, just a few more blocks.

Jane pushed the case out of her mind as she ran. She wasn't necessarily a fan of running, but it was the easiest way to clear her thoughts of work, counting footsteps, imagining where the few souls were going that were also out this early on a Sunday morning, what she would have for breakfast when her run was over, how many times a stinging droplet of sweat had wiggled its way into her eye. Anything and everything but the case.

* * *

><p>He walked nondescriptly down the street, an ordinary man of utter banality. Rarely noticed, he'd become a master of blending in. A human chameleon, practically invisible, he saw the world around him but the world around didn't see him. He liked this existence, like living behind a two-way mirror. He allowed a smile to cross his lips as he thought about it, closed his eyes but kept walking, the path ahead more than familiar. He'd walked it for weeks, watching, planning. Her footsteps were audible behind him now, she ran with purpose this morning. How many times had she run by? Walked by him in the past weeks? Oblivious. He could smell her now, her unique fragrance just a few paces behind him, mingled with sweat. Her dedication to fitness in this heat was admirable. She passed by, almost brushing his shoulder; he kept his eyes closed and took in a deep breath of her. Any lesser monster might have grabbed her there, but he was patient. He opened his eyes and watched her run, brunette hair pulled back in a ponytail, curls bouncing with each step. It was too hot to bother with a shirt this morning she'd set out in only a sports bra and shorts. Her skin was flushed red with exertion and dripping wet. A few blocks ahead she'd stop at the breakfast café to eat and then walk home to her apartment.<p>

He played the scenario in his mind. How he'd walk into Benedict's café. It was early enough not to be packed but just enough before the morning Sunday church services to have a few patrons. If the corner table by the front window was open he'd sit there. He could feign looking out at the street as she ate, he had excellent peripheral vision and the seat was a perfect vantage point for the rest of the café. He surmised she wasn't much of a cook because she ate there several mornings a week: two eggs over medium, a toasted cinnamon raisin bagel with light cream cheese, fruit and coffee. It amused him to conclude that it was not an unfounded stereotype that cops loved their coffee. He had of course observed hundreds of them over the years. They were definitely coffee drinkers.

She would eat and fiddle around on her phone. He would have his coffee and toast and work the Sunday crossword. When she left for her walk home, he'd giver her a head start. She always took the longer route; he'd take the shorter and be at her apartment building well before she arrived. This was his game.

* * *

><p>Jane sauntered up to her apartment building, hands on her hips, breathing still heavy as she tried to choke down some air. It reminded her of trying to play chubby bunny with Frankie as kids, her mouth jam-packed full of marshmallows. She almost choked once, literally, an errant gooey marshmallow slipped too far back and blocked her airway. Frankie had hauled off and smacked her as hard as he ever had square in the middle of the back as the wad of gelatinous sugar spewed out. The Boston humidity didn't taste nearly as good as a marshmallows.<p>

She peaked in on Maura who was still fast asleep. For all her concern about Jane, Maura was just as exhausted, not only from the case, but from dealing with Jane working the case. One of her feet had kicked off the covers and lay exposed. Jane smiled as Maura's toes flexed in her sleep, her fingers simultaneously gripping and un-gripping a wad of sheet. She was dreaming.

The coffee had brewed while she was gone and Jane stood in the kitchen taking a long draw off the piping hot cup. It wasn't ideal after a run in the summer heat but she liked the way the caffeine mingled with the post-run endorphins. She paused, the cup at her lips, she could feel them on her…eyes, watching.

She turned slowly and peered around the edge of the counter to meet them, "A stealth tortoise you are not…"

Bass slowly plodded his way into the kitchen. Jane retrieved a Tupperware container of some of his pre-sliced favorites and placed a few slivers of strawberry and leaves of spinach on the floor in front of him, "Don't tell Maura I gave you a morning snack, she thinks it spoils your appetite for the rest of the day."

Jane sat on the couch, wrinkling her nose as the ceiling fan stirred up a current of air that reminded her of her own sweat-induced aroma. _I smell like a men's locker room. Damn genetics, Maura's lucky, she never smells like this after working out. _ The green-covered book caught her eye, sitting on the coffee table where it had been left weeks ago; the last time she had picked it up.

She opened to the dog-eared page and read:

_Lady, three white leopards sat under a juniper-tree_

_In the cool of the day, having fed to sateity_

_On my legs my heart my liver and that which had been_

_contained_

_In the hollow round of my skull. And God said_

_Shall these bones live? shall these_

_Bones live? And that which had been contained_

_In the bones (which were already dry) said chirping:_

_Because of the goodness of this Lady_

_And because of her loveliness, and because_

_She honours the Virgin in meditation,_

_We shine with brightness. And I who am here dissembled_

_Proffer my deeds to oblivion, and my love_

_To the posterity of the desert and the fruit of the gourd._

_It is this which recovers_

_My guts the strings of my eyes and the indigestible portions_

_Which the leopards reject. The Lady is withdrawn_

_In a white gown, to contemplation, in a white gown._

_Let the whiteness of bones atone to forgetfulness._

_There is no life in them. As I am forgotten_

_And would be forgotten, so I would forget_

_Thus devoted, concentrated in purpose. And God said_

_Prophesy to the wind, to the wind only for only_

_The wind will listen. And the bones sang chirping_

_With the burden of the grasshopper, saying_

_Lady of silences_

_Calm and distressed_

_Torn and most whole_

_Rose of memory_

_Rose of forgetfulness_

_Exhausted and life-giving_

_Worried reposeful_

_The single Rose_

_Is now the Garden_

_Where all loves end_

_Terminate torment_

_Of love unsatisfied_

_The greater torment_

_Of love satisfied_

_End of the endless_

_Journey to no end_

_Conclusion of all that_

_Is inconclusible_

_Speech without word and_

_Word of no speech_

_Grace to the Mother_

_For the Garden_

_Where all love ends._

_Under a juniper-tree the bones sang, scattered and shining_

_We are glad to be scattered, we did little good to each_

_other,_

_Under a tree in the cool of day, with the blessing of sand,_

_Forgetting themselves and each other, united_

_In the quiet of the desert. This is the land which ye_

_Shall divide by lot. And neither division nor unity_

_Matters. This is the land. We have our inheritance._

Bones and organs and a monster feasting upon them. Jane thought of Candace Kouros and Jennifer Bernhard. _Shall these bones live?_ She read over the second chapter of the poem again. _Let the whiteness of bones atone to forgetfulness. There is no life in them. As I am forgotten and would be forgotten, so I would forget._

"I won't…forget," she mumbled, closing the book.

Jane walked back to the bedroom and with no pause to reconsider lightly shook Maura awake, "Hey, Maur…" she squeezed her shoulder running her hand under Maura's camisole strap as hazel eyes fluttered open.

"Morning," Maura yawned out as she wiped at her eyes.

"Maur, I'm going to take a shower and then I'd like to go to church."

Maura smiled as she sat up, "Ok," she glanced at the clock on the bedside table, "what time does the service start? Do I have time to shower too?"

"The service starts at 10, you have plenty of time," Jane leaned forward and kissed Maura on the forehead before bounding off for the shower.

* * *

><p>Michelle Davis entered Benedict's Café at the end of her run and headed straight for the bathroom. She splashed several refreshing handfuls of cold water onto her face and wiped her arms down with a wet paper towel. Benedict's was a popular joint for the early morning crowd, especially runners looking to gas up their tanks before continuing or those like herself who lived by the rule of consuming protein within thirty minutes of completing a work out. The walk back to the apartment that had been procured as her residence while undercover would be slightly more than half an hour.<p>

Her usual table in the center of the café was free; she sat glancing around at the sparse patrons. A few runners like herself and a smattering of others grabbing breakfast before church. Benedict's was only open for breakfast, five am to noon, six days a week and five am to two pm on Sunday. Before going undercover she'd never actually frequented the fairly well known café; however, she was more than familiar with their food, the café also offered breakfast and brunch catering for private and corporate parties.

As she walked home, she thought about the case. It was exciting at first, being undercover. But, one week ago when Jennifer Bernhard's body had been found and Lt. Miller had almost pulled her she found herself secretly hoping she would get pulled. The days had become tedious. She missed putting on a uniform everyday, interacting with her fellow officers. She missed getting to _**be**_ a cop. It was only one week into what should be the next cycle. There was even less interaction with the few officers she could have contact with – those on the joint Homicide-SAU task force. The perp had proven to be so regimented Miller and Cavanaugh had paired down the surveillance for the intermediary week. Everyone needed a break, even Michelle. She wondered how many times she might have walked past him, a wolf in sheep's clothing. She wondered if she'd even walked past him at all.

* * *

><p>Maura took Jane's hand as they approached Emmanuel Episcopal Church, "Why this parish?"<p>

Jane smiled and squeezed Maura's hand, "Did a little research, this church seems to have been a leader in Boston's Episcopal Diocese concerning it's open ministering to same-sex couples and its interfaith connections. The Rector is a woman and she's gay, so it seemed like a logical choice."

"Sounds perfect."

Jane marveled at the liturgical similarity in the service's structure to the Catholic Church. The familiarity was comforting, the mood…no, the spirit of the congregation and its clergy inviting.

The Rector took to the pulpit and began her sermon:

"O indescribable Holy One, grant us the strength, the wisdom and the courage to seek always and everywhere after truth, come when it may, and cost what it will. Amen. John 16: 12-15, I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. For those of you who are struggling with the Gospel of John, this Gospel reading is for you. It begins with an acknowledgement that, while there is much more to say, Jesus knows that you cannot bear it. Jesus says, "I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now." Perhaps this is recognition of saturation, of exhaustion, of the lack of additional capacity among Jesus' followers. It seems like it might be compassionate, parental. Or, perhaps the scribe was just tired or short on papyrus and so he wrote that into the Gospel story. Either way, I like to imagine that it is a statement that is true in every age that there are more things than we can hear or bear. I find it to be a very hopeful idea that there is more wisdom and truth than are recorded in the scriptures. Wisdom and truth were not completely revealed in Jesus' time – they are not completely revealed even yet.

So far, so good. But then our text has a series of potholes that, for this feminist preacher, threaten to blow out all of my tires. In this little passage – in three short verses, the masculine pronoun appears eight times in reference to the spirit of truth. He he he – for crying out loud! This drives me crazy. The Greek word for spirit (pneuma) is neuter and the word for truth (aletheia) is feminine. The spirit of truth is not a he. It reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my cousins when she saw a t-shirt I was wearing from that radical feminist group, the Episcopal Women's Caucus. The t-shirt says, "God is not a boy's name." And my cousin Linda said, "Well God _does_ sound like a boy's name." And I responded, "Of course God sounds like a boy's name – have you ever heard anything but male pronouns referring to God?" She agreed that she hadn't, but insisted that it just sounded weird to think of God in any way but "he." But I digress.

I do get the power of the metaphor – I understand the power of the personification of spirit or truth or wisdom or grace. I understand that Jesus referred to God as Father. But I imagine that if the spirit of truth is still speaking, she might respectfully suggest the word Author in place of Father. And if we are not going to use neutral pronouns, we really must use the feminine.

When the spirit of truth comes she will guide you into all truth, she will not speak on her own, but will speak whatever she hears, and she will declare to you the things that are to come. She will glorify me because she will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Author has is mine. For this reason I said that she will take what is mine and declare it to you.

There is something very lovely about the spirit of truth listening first and speaking what she hears. The spirit of truth follows the central command of the Hebrew Bible: Hear. Listen deeply. The spirit of truth speaks what she hears when she listens deeply. It's like Quaker meeting or the Great Silence in monastic life. The spirit of truth is still enough to hear and then communicate the voice of the Deep – the Author of us all. Our word for that, I think, is Inspiration…"

Jane sat back and listened. Really listened, like she hadn't done it occurred to her in some several weeks. _Hear, listen deeply. The spirit of what speaks when one does so._ The words rolled around in her head throughout the rest of the service and on their short walk to the car afterwards. Jane felt a newfound sense of clarity and she tried to let the openness linger, but thoughts of the case started creeping in. She fought them, trying to push them back. _Not today. Not now._ She looked over at Maura, her face serene and content. A new form of meditation for her, she had called the service. The case grappled with her will, trying to reassert itself. _Listen deeply_.

Jane stopped. "Maur…what day of the week were all the victims attacked on?"

Maura ran through the files in her head, "The rape victims were all attacked on a Sunday, time of death on the two homicides put them on a Sunday as well though the last victim showed signs of trauma indicative of at least a couple of days of abuse antemortem."

"So, he killed Jennifer Bernhard on the two week mark, but he attacked her a few days before…he broke his own cycle, he moved it up."

Maura raised an eyebrow and quirked her nose, "Jane, what are you thinking?"

"You know that gut feeling of mine you've come to trust? Roll with it, I've got it now. If you're a deranged serial killer that's clearly brilliant, well planned and leaves no detail unnoticed and you've been escalating your attacks who makes a challenging mark?"

Maura's eyes widened as she drew on her reference to Hoyt, "A cop…"

"Miller and Cavanaugh pulled the surveillance this weekend to give everyone a break, perp's already broken his own cycle. If he's been watching Michelle, he knows she's under and he'll know we've all been pulled and Sunday is his day. Gimme your keys, I'm driving, get Deena on the phone."

* * *

><p>He approached the apartment complex and smiled with satisfaction. No navy blue surveillance van, no unmarked cruiser the other cops had come and gone in. He had to give them some credit; they'd done a fine job catching his attention. She was perfectly his type. She'd gone to all the right places. And she'd never so much as made eye contact with him. He wondered if he'd really become that good at blending in, or if she was just that rookie.<p>

The bag he'd dropped in a thick batch of bushes at the side of the apartments was still there, it had gone completely unnoticed as well. He retrieved it and looked up at Michelle's bedroom window on the second floor, the blinds were drawn and veiled with only a very light sheer curtain. Her shadow passed by the window. He entered the building, mulling over thoughts of her in his head, that she would be naked and in the shower when he silently slipped into the apartment. She would put up a bigger fight he mused; she was a cop after all, even if a rookie she would have had training in self-defense. It excited him. The others had for the most part been so weak and complacent. They were willing to be raped in order to live. Number six fought harder as he strangled her to death with a belt, the way she twisted and flailed more arousing than raping her had been. Number seven was delightful. Two days he held her in her own apartment. The sight and stench of her terror: pornographic. He had big plans for the cop.

The beauty of this particular neighborhood was the age of many of the buildings and that contemporary restoration and retro-fittings had largely been eschewed by the property owners. It meant the lock on Michelle Davis' apartment was relatively easy to pick. He stood just inside the doorway as he surveyed the spartan furnishings. The sound of the shower running practically echoed through the near empty abode, music to his ears.


	6. Pattern in the Stars

**Notes:** This chapter does contain violence that some readers may find disturbing. This is a bit of a longer chapter but if you stick it out until the end I promise you will be rewarded. Reviews always appreciated!

**CH6: Pattern in the Stars**

Throbbing. It felt like when she was a child and would find some mystery bruise or skin her knee and just couldn't resist poking at it, fascinated by the pain. That sensation was thumping out a steady beat in her head, like a little tiny finger tapping repeatedly on a day-old hematoma. Her eyes rolled around behind closed eyelids, and slowly she started to feel more than just the pulse in her head. There was the sound of her own breathing and then the realization that she was conscious enough to try and move. She flexed, and was met with the sensation of restraints.

"Wakey, wakey…" a smooth and low voice encouraged.

Michelle Davis' eyes flew open as she gasped. It started to come back to her, being in the shower; she'd just rinsed the conditioner out of her hair when the curtain was flung open. He had grabbed her; she tried to fight him off. _I didn't even scream. Idiot._ Then, black. And now, she looked at him. _He's so…normal looking._ From him her eyes wandered to her hands and feet, all tied, each to a corner of the bed. She was still naked.

_Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together._ Michelle chanted over and over in her head; her heart was racing and she could feel the dizziness trying to drag her unwillingly back into unconsciousness as star-like dots started to cloud her vision. _Just…stay alive long enough…when you don't answer the evening check in, they'll come…someone will come._

"Don't worry," he said again sitting down on the bed next to her, "I didn't rape you…yet. There's plenty of time for that." He caressed her neck and chest with the cold blade of a hunting knife.

Michelle clenched her eyes shut trying to put down the stinging tears that were burning behind them. She opened them in a resolved flash, "I'm cop, Boston PD, this whole apartment is under surveillance. They check in with me throughout the day, they'll know something is wrong…"

He laughed, interrupting her, "No surveillance van outside, no navy blue unmarked, none of the six cops I've seen taking shifts in this building day in and day out. How, you want to ask? Cops…" he laughed again, "…so predictable. Though, they did a good job of not making you look like a cop, they should have taken better care with your entourage. The other tenants in this building even knew they were cops."

The blade wandered up Michelle's arm before carving a two inch long slice on the inside of her bicep. She gritted her teeth and tried to muffle the growl that rumbled in her throat. He sliced her again, and again until she finally shrieked out in pain.

"That's better, but not too loud, I'd hate to have to gag you. I do so enjoy some indication of how much it hurts." He wiped the blade on the bed.

* * *

><p>Deena Walters arrived at Michelle's apartment almost exactly at the same time as Jane and Maura.<p>

"Did she answer when you called?" Jane asked, her voice heavy with concern.

"No." Deena paused and looked around. It was lunchtime and the neighborhood was bustling with a fair amount of activity for Sunday afternoon. "Should we call it in to Miller and Cavanaugh?"

Jane ran a hand through her hair as they approached the door to the building, "If we call it in and it's nothing we risk blowing her cover if half the unit swoops down here sirens a blazing…"

There hadn't been an additional vacant apartment on the second floor with Michelle's so the surveillance had been set up in a one bedroom on the first floor. Deena fidgeted nervously with her keys trying to find the right one as they approached it, "Let's just check the cameras first see if she's in the apartment before…"

"Before we bust down the door like paranoid crazies?" Jane finished.

"Something like that." Deena opened the door to the apartment. "You can definitely tell Korsak's been here," she quipped eyeing the fast food and pastry wrappers that littered the floor and waste bins.

Jane flipped on the surveillance equipment and they all waited in tense silence for the feed to broadcast. The rooms popped up one by one, living room, kitchen, bathroom, spare room and then finally the bedroom.

"Son of a bitch!" Jane exclaimed reaching frantically for her sidearm only to remember that having come from church she didn't have it. Deena was already on her phone calling it in.

"Brass says wait for backup," the air of dismissal was evident in Deena's voice as she cocked her gun.

"I don't have a weapon," Jane leaned on the table staring intently at the feed from the bedroom, "I don't see a gun, but there's no way to know."

"Well, we're not fucking waiting for backup, I'll lead you follow." Deena made her way to the door.

"How bad do her injuries look from here? Maura!" Jane grabbed Maura's arm and gave her a shake.

Maura shook her head, startled at how she had slipped off; she took a deep breath trying to compose herself, "I…I can't tell, visible lacerations but there's no telling what else."

"Once we've secured the perp, come up. If anything…"

"Jane…don't…"

"Listen to me Maura…if for any reason, we can't secure him. You lock that fucking door and stay put until backup arrives, do you understand me, no matter what you don't leave this apartment unless we've got that asshole on the ground in cuffs."

* * *

><p>Had it been minutes or hours? Michelle wasn't sure, but it seemed like an eternity since she'd woken up tied to the bed. He'd sliced her relentlessly for however long it was since the ordeal had started: the inside of both biceps, her chest, across her ribs on one side, and the inside of both thighs. She tried to come to terms with dying in her mind. She wondered which officer would find her, naked, covered in blood and strapped to the bed. <em>God, I hope it's not Crowe or Korsak. Let it be Frost, if I was straight I'd totally flirt with Frost.<em> Michelle bit her lip to keep from laughing at the thoughts that were racing through her mind. _I should have cleaned my real apartment before going under. I bet I left dirty underwear out on the bed, how embarrassing. I wonder if they'll give me some kind of posthumous award? What a waste. They'll ask my mother to come, but she won't. This will just confirm the failure she always said I was._

Michelle closed her eyes and allowed a few tears to streak down her face. When she opened them again she could see him standing at the side of the bed, looking down at her with the same twistedly absent face she'd been forced to look at for however long she'd been immobilized. But, as she glanced over his shoulder she could see the faint green light that had activated on the surveillance camera nestled amongst knick knacks on the bookshelf across the room.

* * *

><p>Jane flexed and unflexed her fingers as they approached the apartment. Several times on the way up they had instinctively migrated to her side, reaching again for the weapon that should have been there. The door was unlocked. Deena entered first, weapon drawn, she and Jane slinked back to the bedroom.<p>

"Don't Move!" Deena shouted, her weapon trained on the man that was standing next to the bed leaning over Michelle, the imposing blade of a hunting knife having just carved another notch into his victim's side.

Michelle watched as his face contorted in a display of genuine shock, then anger and quickly devious resolve. He moved with quickness to slash the blade across her throat. Michelle held her breath and closed her eyes. The explosive sound of two rounds popping out of Deena's gun momentarily obscured the searing burn that Michelle then felt on her neck as her assailant's body crumpled to the floor.

She gasped, opening her crystal blue eyes when she felt the pressure on her neck to see Jane leaning over her, her hand plastered over the slash, "I got you Michelle, hang in there, help is on the way.

With the same blade that had tortured her, Deena cut the restraints on Michelle's hands and feet. She didn't know what to do with them, so Michelle let her elbows rest on the bed and held her hands slightly aloft as they trembled uncontrollably.

"Move," Maura's voice came from behind Jane, calmed by a purpose she took the space Jane vacated on the bed.

"He slit her throat, I…I don't know how bad it is," Jane looked to Maura for guidance her hand still covering the wound though blood oozed out from the ineffective seal.

"It's ok, Jane, move your hand and let me see. Michelle, I need slow deep breaths as much as possible, it will help slow the bleeding." The look on Maura's face was reassuring and she squeezed Michelle's hand before releasing it as Jane released her pressure on the wound and stepped back.

Jane looked to Deena and then down at their perp. Deena shook her head and mouthed 'dead.'

Maura investigated the throat laceration, "No visible pulsatile bleeding…bear with me," she said softly, apologetically as she separated the skin to gauge the depth of the laceration, "Ok, Jane give me that gauze from the first aid kit, the cut doesn't appear deep enough to have reached the carotid artery. You're going to be ok Michelle, you're going to be ok."

* * *

><p>"You have some kind of timing," Michelle croaked, her voice raspy, she gladly accepted the cup of water Deena offered her. "How did you know?"<p>

"Let's just call it divine inspiration," Jane joked, "Can we call someone for you? Family?" Michelle shook her head no. "A friend, girlfriend, anyone?"

Michelle's eyes jumped from Jane to Maura to Deena and then down as she fiddled with the hospital gown, "Family's all out of state, not that we get along. Girlfriend? Heh. The cuts are all fairly superficial and the concussion is extremely mild, the doctors don't see any reason to keep me so…just a ride to my apartment would be good…my actual apartment." She reached up to wipe at her eyes, "I almost thought of the undercover apartment when I said that….fucked up," she mumbled.

A contemplative silence fell over the women.

"You'll come home with us for tonight," Maura broke the silence, "for a few days, if you'd like the company."

"You don't have to…" Michelle began to protest.

"We know we don't have to, we want to. That's what friends do," Jane countered placing her hand on Michelle's shoulder with a slight squeeze.

* * *

><p>Kyle Walsh was his name. It took a few days to wrap up the case. Jane tried to distance herself when the other detectives from Homicide and SAU discussed the contents of Walsh's apartment. Apparently Walsh was not a rookie, evidence in his apartment linked him to barrage of assaults in Illinois, New York and Pennsylvania. Jane had witnessed more than her fill of the monster's mind through his work. In the end it didn't matter why he'd done it, only that he had.<p>

She found herself thinking about him again as she poured herself and Maura a glass of wine, "We have a week off you know," she called out from Maura's kitchen, "we could go somewhere, get out of the city if you wanted."

Maura was perusing something very intently on the computer, "Hmm?" she questioned as Jane handed her the wine.

"We could get out of town for a days, the whole week, if you wanted to." Jane eased down onto the couch and peaked over Maura's shoulder to see what on the computer had captivated her attention so fully.

They met each other's eyes with a smile as Jane realized it was real estate listings Maura was so engrossed in.

"I'd rather stay here," Maura moved the computer to the coffee table, "maybe go look at some of these listings I've found, Peter is putting my place on the market this week, check in on Michelle if that's ok and make sure she's doing alright back at her place."

"I stopped by Michelle's on my way home this evening, Gretchen has a couple of days off and is staying with her. She seemed to be doing pretty well. Putting your place on the market already? What if it sells before we find somewhere?"

Jane ran a finger through Maura's hair and then down her cheek. _We're really doing this. Our place._

"I'll put my things in storage and just bring what I need to your place until we find a property we like."

A hearty giggle erupted into her wine glass as Jane tried to take a sip, she set the glass on the table and let her tongue swipe away the errant drops from her lip.

Maura eyed her suspiciously, "Why are you laughing?"

"It's just, I'm really excited about this actually, moving in together, having a place that we pick out together. If you would have asked me a year ago where I thought I'd be at this moment. I couldn't have even imagined it would be where we are right now." She reached up and cupped Maura's cheek before leaning in for a kiss, "You make me so happy," she whispered into Maura's wine-tinged lips.

Maura deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around Jane to hold her close, "It's been several weeks because of the case…make love to me…"

"As if you have to ask," Jane grabbed Maura and pulled her into her lap.

"Not here," Maura breathed out as Jane sucked and nipped at her neck, "somewhere…we haven't before."

"Anywhere I want?" Jane looked into Maura's eyes with a mischievous grin.

Maura laughed, biting down on her bottom lip, "Hopefully I won't regret this but yes, anywhere you want."

There had been a particular fantasy that Jane had kept under wraps, not that it was terribly kinky but it did reach outside the bounds of her own usual modesty and Maura's penchant for the prim and proper. She took a few minutes to prepare and then returned to where Maura was anxiously awaiting her in the living room. Jane extended her hand, leading Maura through the house to the back door.

In the yard Jane had arranged Maura's fancy citronella tiki torches around a thick comforter she had spread over the ground. Aside from the torches, the moon and a slight glow from the patio light it was pitch black outside. The oppressive heat from the day had cooled off to somewhat bearable, every so often a slight breeze teased through the air. The evening insects played their part setting the mood with a symphony of clicks and chirps, other than their chorus the neighborhood was still and quiet.

"Jane? Outside?" Maura looked skeptically at the set up as Jane led her to the blanket.

"Your yard is totally private, no one can see us, we'll never have a yard like this when we move into the city, if we even have a yard at all." The flames from the torches flickered in Jane's eyes. Maura pulled her into another kiss.

They pulled apart as Maura unbuttoned her white linen shirt, followed by slipping off the wheaten linen pants she had been so comfortably lounging in. She reached to unhook her bra but Jane stopped her.

"Let me." Jane sucked at the tender skin under Maura's ear as she shed her own shirt and then removed Maura's bra, tossing it into the pile with the other clothes. She stepped back and admired the way the orange light from the flames and the silver light from the moon danced across Maura's bare chest and hung around her curves. Jane removed the rest of her clothes and then dropped to her knees, she kissed Maura's taut stomach as she massaged an ample breast with one hand as the other slowly slid Maura's panties down. Jane's tongue flicked around the outside of Maura's folds.

Maura gasped, "Jane…I can't…stand…while you…"

Jane pulled Maura to the ground and straddled her, looking into her eyes she smiled at the reflection of the night sky in a sea of hazel, "I've wanted to make love to you under the stars for…a really long time." She captured Maura's lips in a searing kiss as she pulled one of Maura's legs up to establish better contact, she began to roll out a slow and torturous rhythm.

"Jane…Jane…" Maura panted breathlessly, her body slick with sweat from the humidity that still hung in the late night air.

Jane reached between them, her fingers slid with ease through silky wetness to circle and stroke Maura's aching clit. Jane sat up as she continued her ministrations, watching the light reflect hundreds of little flames in the beads of sweat that dotted Maura's neck, chest and stomach as she rocked her hips to Jane's strokes finally arching her back as far as her flexibility would allow as she came. She removed her hand immediately to a whimper of dissatisfaction, "Don't worry, I'm not done yet," she reassured as she moved down between Maura's legs.

Her tongue sampled the salty sheen on the inside of Maura's thighs as she placed soft kisses with intermittent nips on them. She liked the way Maura inhaled so sharply with each bite. She let her mouth finally dip into Maura's core after several minutes of teasing; Jane moaned with pleasure as Maura's hands wrapped themselves in her hair to hold her. She sucked on Maura's swollen clit eliciting louder vocalizations as another wave of spasms shot through her lover's body.

Jane's own arousal was becoming almost painful, she crawled back on top of Maura taking her lips in a desperate and pleading kiss. She bit down on Maura's lip as she felt two fingers enter her, driving in as far as they would go then curling inside her as they pulled almost completely out before repeating the motion. Jane sat up, rocking to the rhythm Maura was establishing.

"Oh God…" she gasped as Maura's other hand reached between her to pinch and massage her clit simultaneously. Jane closed her eyes, delirious with pleasure as Maura stroked out wave after wave of her orgasm. She sat on top of Maura for a few minutes, collecting herself, memorizing the feel of the moment, the aroma of the citronella mingling with the smell of their own exertion, the waning chirps of the crickets amidst the trees occasionally ruffled by a delicate wind. Maura's hands caressed light patterns on top of her thighs and when she finally opened her eyes Jane's head was still tilted up towards a sky of black velvet dotted with distant stars. She cocked her head, looking for a pattern, randomly thinking she should have paid more attention to that summer camp star gazing class when she was a kid.

"Centaurus and Virgo are two of the most recognizable constellations during this time of year in our hemisphere," Maura offered, sensing what Jane was looking for.

Jane rolled off of her and laid down on her back next to Maura. She laced their fingers together and kissed the back of Maura's hand, "Can you see them?"

"Mmhmm" Maura raised their locked hands and extended her finger, "The third brightest star in the night sky, Alpha Centauri also known as Rigel Kentaurus forms the foot, it's actually not one individual star, but a binary star system…" she moved their hands tracing up one leg and down the other of the constellation, "Beta Centauri or Agena, the tenth brightest star forms the other foot," she moved their hands again, "the human body of the centaur here, the horse's body here…Do you see it?"

Jane smiled, looking over at Maura, "Yeah, yeah I see it…show me more."


	7. Quando me'n vo'

**Notes:** Author's note at the end on the title of this chapter.

**CH 7: Quando me'n vo' * **

Maura had to walk a couple of blocks, but it wasn't so bad on such a lovely day. There had been too many days spent indoors recently. Winter had been so bitter and Spring not that much more friendly, it would be a shame to let summer slip away. She eventually arrived at her destination and climbed the three flights of stairs where she paused and stood with some trepidation outside the door of Michelle's apartment. Michelle had come home with her and Jane for one night after the attack but then insisted on going back to her own place. Sarah Donahue from Vice took off for a couple of days and stayed with her, followed by Gretchen and Deena had offered to stay with Michelle at night for a few days. It was the first time Michelle would be alone during the day and Maura knew how difficult those first periods of aloneness could be. Yet, at the same time, she didn't really know Michelle, other than the very bad first impression of Michelle hitting on Jane at the Robber and the few gatherings of the Association of Women Officer's since.

She knocked on the door and smiled as Michelle opened it, "Hi…"

Michelle smiled back, a genuine smile laden with relief, "Hey, come in…I hope you're not wasting your lunch break to come all the way over here and check on me."

"I'm off actually," Maura walked into Michelle's apartment and glanced around. It was pretty bare, very little furniture, spartanly decorated. "Jane and I took some vacation time, we're going to move in together so I'm putting my place on the market this week and we're looking at some properties. I…heard it was your first day alone since…and well, I thought I'd bring you lunch." Maura held up the bag of Chinese takeout.

"That's nice…that you and Jane are moving in together…and that you brought me lunch, thank you." Michelle sat down at her small dining room table as Maura unpacked the contents of the bag.

"How are you feeling?" Maura asked, pulling the second chair around to sit closer to Michelle as she heaped the food onto paper plates.

"Umm, sore, hurts to move, I can't sleep at night because I'm used to sleeping on my side but I can't because of the lacerations. Never realized my thighs touched so much when I walk, but evidently they do…incentive to do better in the gym I suppose," Michelle laughed in an attempt to lighten the conversation.

"And…other than physically…I hope I'm not prying," Maura tilted her head, catching Michelle's eye. The emotional aspect, it's what few people dared broach. She knew from her own experience. It was also what hurt the most and lingered long after the physical wounds healed and faded away.

Michelle slurped the end of a lao mein noodle into her mouth, "Wow, this is really good lao mein…"

"It's Jane's favorite…" Maura reached out and placed her hand over Michelle's free hand which was resting on the table.

"Yeah…other than physically…mostly good, when I'm awake. I have nightmares when I sleep, that I'm back there tied down and I can see his face. His normal face. I wish he looked more like Charles Hoyt, you know, creepy and evil, maybe it would be easier then. I wake up swearing I can hear his voice just in front of me, hopefully those dreams will go away. I agreed to do the assignment, I knew it could be dangerous, being prepared for that in advance helped. But, I…I get mad at myself sometimes. Because he was watching me, all that time and I never noticed. I feel like I failed, at my job, and if I'm not good at my job…I…I don't have anything else." Michelle put down her fork and wiped at her eyes trying to fight back the tears, "gah, dammit."

Maura scooted her chair closer and took Michelle's hand between both of hers, "You didn't fail at your job, criminals like Kyle Walsh make it their job to be invisible, to blend in. You did everything you were supposed to do and thanks to you no other women in this city or the next have to go through what his other victims went through. I used to think my job was all I had too, I wasn't close with my parents, I didn't really have any friends, and then I came to BPD and I realized if I'd just let people in it didn't have to be that way. Sarah, Deena, Gretchen, Jane and myself, we're your friends. You can't do this alone, and you don't have to…and I promise, the nightmares do eventually go way."

Michelle quit wiping at her eyes and let the tears fall, "Thank you," she sniffled, "though I think you might be the last person I would have expected to call me a friend…after I so shamelessly hit on Jane at the Robber that time. I never apologized for that," she looked Maura in the eye, "I'm sorry."

Maura nodded and squeezed Michelle's hand, "It's in the past," she finished with a reassuring smile.

Michelle took a deep breath in an attempt to clear her head, "Can I ask you something, kind of personal?"

"Of course."

"I'm worried nothing will ever be normal again, I think about will I be able to go for a walk, take a run and not be terrified of some psycho lurking in the coffee shop window. Did you ever get over those fears after you were attacked?"

"Eventually, yes. The first few times back at the Robber was difficult, but I had to confront it. And I talked about it, with Jane, maybe not as much as I should have at first. If I could change anything about how I handled it I would have talked more, gone to see Dr. Stevens sooner. But slowly, I stopped seeing Kearns everywhere I went, not in the sense of his actual face but feeling his presence. You'll get there, and we'll help you get there. I love to run, Jane not so much, maybe if you had a running partner…that could be a start?"

Michelle's eyes softened, the dawning realization that she really wasn't as alone as she thought she was becoming apparent, "I'd like that, very much."

* * *

><p>"Jane!" Maura called out several times as she wandered through the house, finding it empty she peeked outside to see Jane lounging on a blanket in the yard clad in only running shorts and a sports bra. Joe Friday was working out a case of the zoomies, tearing NASCAR-esque laps around the yard. A couple of feet from where Jane sat propped up on her elbows, Bass munched happily on a smorgasbord of delectable treats that Jane had sliced for him. Maura flipped off her heels and smiled as the warm grass tickled and scratched at the bottoms of her feet. The warmth from the mid-afternoon sun bore down on her, causing her to shed her suit jacket. It was a beautiful day, its beauty enhanced only by the statuesque form lounging, sunlight shining off a thin sheen of sweat on the lawn in front of her.<p>

"Jane." Still no response. It was then Maura noticed the cord from Jane's headphones that trailed down to the iPod sitting next to her, her fingers tapping along to some mysterious beat.

Maura slowed her steps and hoped Joe, who was now thoroughly engrossed in the investigation of something under one of the shrubs at the back of yard didn't notice her. She eased down to kneel behind Jane.

"Maur, I may not can hear you, but I know you're there."

Her attempt at stealth having failed Maura wrapped her arms around the glistening tan body in front of her and took advantage of the breeze that had just blown Jane's hair free of her neck to place a soft kiss on the now exposed skin.

Jane pulled the ear buds out and craned her neck, begging for a kiss on the lips, for which Maura gladly obliged.

"How did you know I was here?" Maura let her hands roam up Jane's bare stomach.

"I'm all sweaty," she mumbled as their lips separated for another moment.

"Don't care," came Maura's reply as she leaned in for another kiss before taking a seat next to Jane on the blanket.

"I could smell your perfume, that's how I knew you were there," Jane gave her a wink.

"Bass! Jane! Did you give him a snack!" Maura had just noticed the little plate of strawberry slices and roughage the tortoise was happily munching away on.

_Damn. I've been caught._ "Oh come on Maur, I give him snacks all the time and he always eats his dinner…besides…you gonna tell me you don't give Joe treats when I'm not around?" Jane cocked her eyebrow as she looked at Maura who pursed her lips in defeat.

"Fair point," Maura giggled as she reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind Jane's ear.

"I didn't think the meeting with your real estate agent would take so long." Jane turned to lean back and rest her head in Maura's lap.

"It didn't, I took lunch over to Michelle…"

"Oh? That was nice."

"Did you know her parents kicked her out when she was 17, when they found out she was gay? She moved from friend's house to friend's house while she finished high school and then worked odd jobs to put herself through community college for an Associate's Degree in Criminal Justice before she joined the force?"

Jane looked up at Maura, "I didn't. Must've been hard. She's a good cop, passionate, knows her stuff, gets along with everyone, I can see her getting off patrol…probably sooner rather than later based on…well, you know. I could put in a word with the Brass, might not make a difference…but I think Vice has a few openings, I could get Sarah to put in a word too."

Maura ran her fingers through Jane's hair, "You are sweaty; how long have you been out here?"

"Ha! I don't know 45 minutes or an hour, it's such a nice day…"

"Well, I hope you put on sunscreen, it's a common misconception that people with naturally darker pigmentation aren't as susceptible to skin cancer…"

"Yes, Maura, I put on sunscreen. I looked at those listings you left out for me," Jane sat up and turned to face Maura.

"And?" Maura's smile was infectious, causing Jane to grin in return.

"They all look really nice, I mean, you probably know more about what to look for in a place than I do…but…" Jane paused, wondering if there was any way to broach the topic and salvage her pride. _Probably not_, she concluded opening her mouth to continue before Maura cut her off.

"You're worried about the cost…of the properties." It wasn't a question because Maura knew exactly what Jane's concern was; she had anticipated it would eventually come up.

"Yeah, it's just I…I can't…you know, what I'm trying to say is…"

"Jane, it won't be any less _**our**_ place just because we don't split the costs fifty-fifty. Financially you'll contribute what's reasonable. And to make up the difference my only additional expectation is to come home to a hot meal every night and you in a skimpy apron and heels," Maura tried to contain the smirk that was curling her lips into a jesting smile.

"Oh, is that so?" Jane slinked forward, a predatory look in her eye.

"Mmhmm," Maura nodded her head in the affirmative, giggling as Jane forced her down to the ground.

* * *

><p>The delightful aroma of homemade pasta sauce hung tantalizingly in the air of Angela and Frank's house. The sweet tang of freshly crushed tomatoes infused with the savory essence of basil and oregano gave Maura pause. She imagined the loaves of fresh garlic bread that were likely toasting in the oven and then a new odor tickled her senses. Her culinary senses picked up the crisp notes of lightly battered chicken and the complimentary notes of cracked pepper, lemon and butter, real butter. It was perfect. Angela's cooking was always perfect.<p>

Maura blinked as Jane's fingers snapped in front of her face, "Maur," Jane laughed, "you in some kind of trance or something."

Maura slid her arm around Jane's waist, "Your mother's cooking very nearly has that effect on me. The tomato sauce we always have over here doesn't smell or taste like the recipe she gave us when we cooked for my parents. Did I mess it up?"

"That's because this is _**the**_ sauce recipe," Jane replied as if it was totally normal that there would be more than one tomato sauce recipe.

"Well then, I would love this tomato sauce recipe…"

"Ha!" Jane guffawed, nearly snorting as she covered her mouth. They made their way into the den, "Hey, Frankie, Maura wants Ma's sauce recipe, _**the**_ sauce recipe."

"Ha!" Frankie laughed and slapped his knee, "That's a good one, last I checked, 10 minutes ago, Ma was still alive."

Tommy took a swig of his beer, "I wanted to cook dinner for a girl once, asked Ma for _**the**_ sauce recipe…"

"How hard did she smack you?" Frankie chuckled as he popped a potato chip into his mouth, nearly choking.

"Pretty damn hard," Tommy laughed, "Told me I could have it when I pried it out of her cold dead hands." Tommy cleared his throat and straightened his back, placing one finger in the air as he prepared his Angela impersonation, "Thomas Luciano Rizzoli! You should know better! Thirty years it took me to perfect this sauce, thirty years! Of blood, sweat and experimentation, mixed with tears! Honest to God tears! And you expect me just to hand it over! You have to earn the right to this recipe!"

Everyone laughed; Tommy did a pretty bang up Angela impersonation after all.

"Jesus, you'd think I asked for the patented formula for the cure for cancer or something. Like her life depended on the development of this pasta sauce. I wouldn't be surprised if she bottled the blood, sweat and tears and actually added it to the sauce."

"Gross," Frankie shuddered.

"I can hear you!" Angela's voice carried in from the kitchen.

She soon appeared in the doorway, hand on her hip, "Thomas…Luciano…Rizzoli, I may be getting older, but I'm not deaf. Keep imitating me and you won't get the recipe even from my cold dead hands…Now, the rest of you ruffians amuse yourselves, Maura dear, come taste this chicken piccata and give me your opinion." With that Angela disappeared back into the kitchen.

Maura rose and looked at Tommy, since the incident when he had come on to her at dinner after the shooting and Jane had punched him things had greatly improved. It was obvious he had sought help with his drinking and Maura discovered that a sober Tommy was just as affable and pleasant to be around as the rest of his family. In fact, Tommy was quite the entertainer, a natural comedian.

"Thomas…Luciano?" Maura asked with a smirk, one eyebrow raised. On thing was certain, to get along in the Rizzoli family, you had to learn to give as well as you got.

Tommy rolled his eyes, "Ma went through an opera phase; I guess I came along during the Pavarotti period."

"Oh, well, certainly one of the finest voices in modern opera," she looked over at Frankie, "I don't suppose your middle name is Placido?"

Jane and Tommy could barely contain their laughter.

"Rico…Suuuaaaveee," Tommy drawled out before nearly doubling over.

"Enrico," Frankie mumbled, his face reddening with embarrassment.

"Enrico Caruso?" Maura asked.

"You really do know like everything don't you?" Frankie asked.

"Not hardly, but Enrico Caruso is truly magnificent, it's such a shame the quality of many of his recordings is so poor. He died rather young at the age of 48…"

"Maur…I think Ma wanted you to taste something? Perhaps you can opera googlemouth us later, or you know, burn Frankie and Tommy CDs of their namesakes," Jane fought hard not to laugh, if Maura thought she was serious she really would make Tommy and Frankie opera mix CDs.

"Oh! Of course, I have an extensive opera collection, I'd be happy to share it," with that Maura trotted off to join Angela in the kitchen.

"You're evil, you know that right?" Frankie questioned rhetorically, looking at his sister as she flopped down on the sofa next to him.

"She really will burn us CDs won't she?" Tommy asked, a look of dismay on his face.

"She will, and you will listen to it, and you will thank her. Now, get me a beer, I'm starving," Jane waved her hand at Tommy.

Groans of uncomfortable pleasure emanated from the Rizzoli clan as they lay in various stretched out positions amongst the den furniture.

"Ma, you outdid yourself, that was…amazing," Jane shifted on the sofa and exhaled as she placed her hands over her stomach, "Ugh, ate too much, so full…maybe if I just unbutton my pants…"

"Jane!" Maura exclaimed in horror, swatting at Jane's hands, "You absolutely will not!"

"Fine! Then we need to go because I need to be in pants with a spandex waistband stat! You know, and we have to go back to work tomorrow," Jane laboriously hoisted herself up from the sofa.

"Janie! Don't leave yet…" Angela called, the clatter of pots and pans from the kitchen nearly muffling her voice.

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura as they waited, placing a kiss on Maura's temple. Angela finally emerged from the kitchen bearing several Tupperware containers of leftovers.

"There's enough here for two meals and an extra to take to your friend Michelle, God bless her. And next Sunday, you bring Michelle to dinner, ok, there you go," Angela thrust the bag of food into Jane's arms.

Jane laughed, "Thanks, Ma."

"And Maura…" Angela reached out and grasped Maura lightly by the forearm as she handed her a sealed envelope, which held an old, worn notecard, "_**The**_ sauce recipe," her voice was sincere, but stern, "not to be shared with anyone," she glanced at Jane, "and I mean, anyone."

Maura smiled as she took the envelope, leaning in to give Angela a hug she whispered, "Understood, Ma."

Jane, Frankie and Tommy all stood, jaws hanging open in disbelief.

"Well," Frankie started as Jane and Maura left, "I guess we know who the favorite is."

* * *

><p>* <em>"When I walk,"<em> from Act 2 of Puccini's La Boheme

_When I walk all alone in the street_

_People stop and stare at me_

_And look for my whole beauty_

_From head to feet_

_And then I taste the slight yearning_

_Which transpires from their eyes_

_And which is able to perceive from manifest charms_

_To most hidden beauties_

_So the scent of desire is all around me_


	8. BasRelief

**Notes:** "Bas-Relief" sometimes I think I'm punny; I may be the only one who does haha. The poem at the end is "I Have No Life But This" by Emily Dickinson.

**CH 8: Bas-Relief**

Jane trudged into her apartment Wednesday night. It dawned on her she wasn't sure why she thought she would like house shopping anymore than she liked clothes shopping. In fact, now, she was pretty sure it was actually worse than clothes shopping. Monday, Tuesday and now Wednesday, she'd worked all day, during lunch Maura would brief her on the listings they were going to look at and after work they spent the entire evening battling traffic from property to property. None of which, ultimately, did either of them like. They didn't care for the surrounding neighborhood, or the space wasn't large enough and not a single property so far with a yard. She could compromise on the yard if she had to, after all Joe was used to apartment living, but Maura was holding steadfast on size expectations and her preference for a modern updated look.

"Don't look so defeated," Maura eased down onto the sofa next to Jane handing her a cold beer sheathed in her favorite Red Sox coozy.

"I didn't think it would be this hard," Jane took a swig of the beer, "Did you know this was the first apartment and only apartment I looked at when I got my own place?"

Maura smiled and shook her head no.

"When I got out of the academy I was still living with Ma and Pop. Then a girl from my recruit class broke up with her boyfriend and needed a roommate to cost share with and I was more than happy to get out of my parents' house so I moved in with her for about a year. She ended up meeting some guy online and moving to New York to live with him so I had to find my own place. I looked at a bunch of ads online, this was the first one I went to see, I walked in, it was like the apartment gods smiled down on me, it was perfect. I signed the lease that day. I don't know, I guess I thought the same thing would happen again."

"There are a lot of memories in this space," Maura stated, scanning the room.

"Good and bad ones," Jane added.

"Such is life, how would we know how precious the good memories are without the natural foil of the bad? Jane, when you pack all of your things and you stand in the doorway for the last time, what will be the best memory from your time in this space?" Maura propped her head up and looked quizzically at the brunette beside her.

Jane made a clicking sound with her mouth as she thought, but it didn't take long for the memory to come flooding back, breaking her brooding mood with a smile, "You told me you loved me for the first time here."

"It wasn't particularly romantic in terms of how I had thought I would say it the first time," Maura laughed.

"No, but it was perfect. What would yours be, for your house?"

"Easy," Maura stated with no pause, "we made love for the first time in my house."

"Hmm, I thought you might say that," Jane let her head fall back against the couch with a grunt.

Maura combed her fingers through Jane's tousled hair, "We've only been looking for a week."

Jane sighed, "I know, just…maybe we should just take your place off the market and live there?"

Maura straightened up and lightly grasped Jane by the chin turning her head to make eye contact, "Absolutely not! That's giving up and the Jane Rizzoli I know doesn't give up! We will find the right place, a place to build new memories in. It is out there."

Jane cocked an eyebrow, "How do you know? What if we look for weeks, months and find nothing and your house sells and we're stuck here in my tiny apartment and you'll get fed up with it and pack your Louboutins and your turtle and leave me." At the end of the diatribe Jane crossed her arms in a petulant huff.

Maura smirked, holding back the giggle, "Interesting, that of all the things you would think about being gone if I were to leave you, you choose the Louboutins and my _**tortoise**_."

"The shoes are kinda hot," Jane mumbled into her beer, glancing sideways at Maura she continued sheepishly, "and sometimes when you're not around I slip them on and stand in front of the mirror."

This time Maura couldn't contain the laughter, "Mmm, maybe you'll wear them for me some time?"

"They look better on you."

"…and Bass?" Maura asked with great interest.

"Ok, I admit it, I really like the damn tortoise. When you went to that conference in Knoxville I might have stuck Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stickers all over his shell for the three days you were gone…and I might have taped the Bruins logo to his shell while Frankie, Pop and I watched the game."

"Jane!" Maura's exasperation was a put on as she shook her head with an amused smile.

"I was kind of hoping you'd let me paint his shell for Halloween."

"Hmm," Maura considered, "But Halloween is so far away, what if I've left you by then?"

Jane downed the last of her beer, "That would be really unfortunate, Donatello's not big enough yet to have a decent shell surface to paint."

Maura glanced towards the large terrarium where the little tortoise she had given Jane lived, "For the longest time I thought you had named him after the sculptor. And then one day I mentioned it to Frankie and asked if you liked Donatello's work because I thought perhaps I would get you a book on Renaissance sculpture and Frankie informed me he was actually named after these Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of which you speak."

Jane chuckled, "Well, technically he is named after the sculptor because all of the Ninja turtles are named after sculptors or painters or whatever: Leonardo, Raphael, Michaelangelo and Donatello. I bet you don't know why I chose Donatello out of the four."

"Indeed I do not," Maura smiled, it was moments like these she treasured, these random little glimpses into Jane's brain were often so telling.

"Because in the comics Donatello is the scientist, he tries to use knowledge to solve conflicts and he's prone to googlemouth when he talks to other characters," Jane let the back of her hand ghost lightly down Maura's cheek, "so, in a way, I named him after you."

Maura's face softened as she took the empty bottle from Jane's hand, leaning in she placed a tender kiss on her lips, "It's been a busy day, why don't you take a nice long hot shower, wash away the doubt and defeat," she stroked Jane's jawline as she smiled into deep brown eyes, "emerge, refreshed, reinvigorated and sharing my confidence that we're going to find a place, I have a feeling about it."

"A…gut feeling?" Jane joked, winking as she pulled Maura close to steal another kiss.

"Mmmhmm," Maura mumbled into her lips, "the Rizzoli intuition must be contagious."

Jane slowly lifted herself out of the dip of her sofa unbuttoning her shirt as she made her way back to the bathroom.

When Maura heard the shower running she quietly slipped her shoes back on, grabbed her purse and keys and exited Jane's apartment.

* * *

><p><em>Just what the Doctor ordered<em>, Jane mused as she finally stepped out of the shower. The bathroom was thick with steam, visibility obscured by the smoky vapors. She took a deep breath and exhaled, her head felt clearer, her body less tense though the prolonged shower had left her hands and feet pruney. Gross, she thought as she poked at the wrinkly ridges of skin. She expected to find Maura prepped for bed and reading, but she wasn't in the bedroom. Jane snorted as she noticed the sleep attire Maura had laid out for her on the foot of the bed, perhaps the rattiest tank top and pair of old shorts she owned.

_Interesting_, Jane thought as she slipped the clothes on and made her way to the living room.

In terms of those little moments that would last a lifetime, the sight Jane stumbled upon in her living room was sure to be one of them. Maura had moved the furniture back to clear the center of the room and sat cross-legged on a painter's drop cloth, her hair pulled back in a loose bun and clad in an equally tattered old set of Jane's pajamas as she had laid out for Jane to wear. In the center of the drop cloth was Bass, happily noshing on a bevy of exotic snacks Maura reserved only for the specialist of occasions when she needed to keep him occupied. Maura would say it was beyond his reptilian comprehension to know what the brightly colored jars lined up next to him were but Jane was sure she saw him eye the tempera paints that sat next to him with an air of disdain but forced acceptance.

A beaming smile lit up Maura's face as she held out a paintbrush, "Shall we?"

Jane shook her head laughing hysterically as she took a seat next to Maura, "You never cease to amaze me, you know that?" She pulled Maura towards her and captured her lips in an appreciative kiss, "But…it won't…hurt him right? I mean it was just a silly thing I wanted to do, but not if it's dangerous."

Maura set out removing the lids from the paint canisters, "The paint says it's safe to use around children and animals and it's washable so it should scrub right off tomorrow…or whenever. Go ahead, you first." She smiled, a glint in her eye.

Jane dipped her brush in the canary yellow paint and began to doodle abstract swirls on Bass' shell, Maura followed suit. After nearly half an hour of decorating Bass with various and sundry geometric designs they were quickly running out of canvas space.

"We're almost out of room, you did say this paint is washable right?" Jane asked.

"Yes, of course," Maura answered not taking her eyes off the very intricate floral design she was working on around the edge of Bass' shell.

Maura froze, her eyes going wide as the loaded end of Jane's paintbrush licked across her cheek.

"Oops, slipped," Jane offered half-heartedly muffling a snort.

Without looking Maura flicked her brush in Jane's direction splattering her face in emerald green paint. She cut her eyes to admire her aim and was beset by a fiercely hysterical fit of laughter as a particularly large glob of paint hung from the tip of Jane's nose.

"Oh no you didn't!" Jane nearly tackled her assaulting her face with the paintbrush, stripe after stripe a different color as Maura laughed and squealed, eventually too overcome with amusement to even struggle against the weight on top of her. Bass, unimpressed by the shenanigans seized on the momentary break in his artistic torture and beat a slow but steady retreat from the drop cloth.

Through wrestling and flying paint their lips inched closer together until Maura lifted her head enough to make contact, her tongue flicking across Jane's lower lip before sliding freely into her mouth. The kiss deepened, a battle of tongues and position until Maura bit down on Jane's lower lip stilling her as she slid Jane's tank top up and over her head. Sitting up, Jane removed Maura's top and then noticed the jar of red paint had been toppled, a bright crimson puddle pooling only inches away.

Jane dipped the entire palm of her hand in the puddle and starting at Maura's stomach began decorating her body with hand prints, "This is mine," she whispered huskily the first print over Maura's navel, "and this is mine," across her ribs on both sides, "these," she smiled mischievously as she gathered more paint spreading it across both hands she cupped Maura's breasts and leaned forward to nip at Maura's flushed neck. "This most of all," Jane smiled as she painted the shape of a heart with her finger on Maura's chest over where she could feel the vigorous thumping of the real organ beneath.

Wiggling out from underneath, Maura pushed Jane back and straddled her lap, "All yours," she said softly, stroking Jane's face, leaving faint paint trails down her neck to her strong broad shoulders. Maura pushed against them urging Jane to lie back.

"Close your eyes," Maura encouraged, Jane obliging with no question.

Maura reached for the white paint and dipped her brush, "See if you can feel what I write."

Jane focused all her concentration on the sensation of the brush gliding across her chest, "I…"

"Mmhmm," Maura confirmed.

"Something with a 'v'? Love?" Jane scrunched up her nose as she guessed; this was hard.

"No," Maura laughed as she kept writing, word after word became a line, and then another scrawling across the top of her chest, then over the rise and fall of her breasts, her ribs and over her stomach. Jane's fingers danced lightly across the tops of Maura's thighs as she relished the sensual tickle of the brush strokes. At the waistband to her shorts, Maura stopped.

Jane opened her eyes and glanced down at the stanzas, "What does it say?"

No answer. She closed her eyes again and lifted her hips as Maura's delicate fingers snuck inside the waistband of the boxers and began to ease them down. Tossed to the side with their paint splattered tops Maura's bottoms also joined the pile. She lifted one of Jane's legs and settled back on top of her, smiling as she felt Jane's wetness against her own she began to grind slowly against her eliciting a hum of pleasure.

"_**I have no life but this**_," Maura began, her eyes fluttering shut as her arousal intensified, "_**To lead it here…**_"

Her rhythm quickened as she pushed herself harder against Jane's core, smiling as Jane's panting became more rugged.

"_**Nor any death, but lest dispelled from there…**_" she tightened her grip on Jane's knee, which she was clutching, letting her head fall to the side to kiss and nip at the soft skin there as Jane's body rocked with her.

"_**Nor tie to earths to come, nor action new…**_"

Maura could feel the waves of her release approaching and she opened her eyes to look down at Jane, her eyes still closed, body arching, chest rising and falling as her arms flexed indicating the start of her own orgasm. It swept through them both simultaneously, Maura's head fell forward, sizable wisps of hair that had come loose falling in front of her face as she rode out the last her orgasm against Jane's body.

She looked up to find Jane's eyes open, "You're beautiful," Jane whispered.

Maura's finger traced along the last lines of the poem, "_**Except through this extent, the realm of You.**_"


	9. Respite

**Notes:** Sorry for the delay on updating, but I've been enjoying a little vacation time! Thanks to everyone has been reviewing, I greatly appreciate all of your comments!

**CH 9: Respite**

Thursday morning was looking up. It was a good five degrees cooler than it had been the previous day. As they walked into Maura's favorite coffee shop she was still prattling on about air temperature and relative humidity and thus how a minor drop in actual air temperature accompanied with a minor rise in humidity would result in a felt or apparent air temperature today roughly comparable to that of the previous day in so much as the body would perceive it to be just as hot as yesterday even though by raw measure it was five degrees cooler.

Jane merely shook her head, halfway tuning out the Medical Examiner turned Meteorologist as she contemplated trying something different from the coffee shop rather than her usual house blend.

"Jane…Jane?"

She became aware that she had been tuning out her girlfriend perhaps a little too well, "Yeah, yeah…atmospheric barometrical whose a whats it and all that jazz…it's the little victories though, Maur." Jane waved her hand in the air dismissively.

Maura cocked her head, her eyebrow furrowed in contemplation, "Jane, I fail to see how an apparent air temperature equal to that of yesterday constitutes a victory in any sense of the word. At best it would be a draw."

Yes, Thursday morning was looking up. The iced mint chocolate frappuccino was outstanding, she was glad despite Maura's chastisement for the sugar and caffeine quotient that she'd ordered the largest size available otherwise she would have already demolished the beverage before even making it to work. There were no stacks of files on her desk and she was due in court later that morning, which presented a welcome break from the confines of the bullpen and Lt. Cavanaugh's crotchety mood of late. Best of all, there were no listings to check out that evening. No, after work Jane had a formal date with her sofa, a few beers and the Red Sox game on tv; Thursday was looking like a winner.

* * *

><p>Jane got back to BPD in the late afternoon with a noticeable spring in her step despite her reluctant realization that Maura had indeed been right about the whole temperature thing. She peeled off her blazer and tossed it with a flick of her wrists to land perfectly across the back of her chair.<p>

"Nice trick, Rizzoli. Been watching Gene Kelly movies or something," Frost chuckled taking a bite of a sandwich whose filling looked like a colossal orange globular nightmare.

"Karate Kid with Jaden Smith, jacket on…jacket off," Jane demonstrated with ease, "I've been practicing…and what the hell are you eating?"

Frost paused, cheek puffed out like a chipmunk as he chewed the sandwich. He glanced down at his lunch with a questioning look, "Wha?" he mumbled, mouth still full, "it's pimento cheese…obviously." He looked from Jane to Korsak, who both stared back, their faces an unsuccessful mask of mild disgust.

"Sharp cheddar, mayo, pimentos, salt and pepper, some jalapenos if I'm feeling spicy," he took another bite being sure to overdramatize how much he was enjoying the sandwich.

"That's just wrong, man." Korsak shook his head, "I don't think even I would eat that."

"Sounds nasty," Jane snorted, taking a seat on the edge of her desk.

"What's nasty?" The sound of Maura's voice drifted in from the doorway as she made her way to Jane's desk.

"Pimento Cheese," Jane and Korsak answered in unison to a roll of the eyes from Frost.

"Ah," Maura nodded with understanding garnering a look of disbelief from Jane.

"You know what pimento cheese is?" Jane asked, one eyebrow raised. _Unbelievable._

"It's a common food in the southern U.S. My understanding is besides the basic ingredients many different additional items may grace sub-regional variations. It's sometimes served as a spread for crackers or crudités, but is most commonly eaten…" she motioned towards Frost, "as a sandwich."

"Frost likes his with jalapenos," Korsak stated, barely holding back his laughter.

"And you know this because…." Jane questioned.

"One of the girls I went to boarding school with in France was from Savannah, Georgia. Whenever she was feeling homesick, she would ask for a pimento cheese sandwich. Barry, do you have ties to the south?" Maura asked with a pleasant smile.

"My grandmother…" Frost emphasized with a mild glare towards Jane and Korsak, "…grew up in South Carolina. She made these for us all the time when we were kids."

"I'm sure your grandmother's recipe is delicious, I make it a point to never derogate new foods before trying them," Frost nodded his head in appreciation as Maura turned her attention to Jane, "I know you're just back from court and probably have work to do, but do you have a minute to join me in my office?"

"Yeah, of course," Jane popped up off the edge of her desk.

* * *

><p>"I'd expected you back from court sooner," Maura stated as she and Jane stepped into her office, "I've been dying to show you this!"<p>

"I ran into Jeffrey Schilling after my testimony and he offered to take me to lunch, and since I didn't pack anything today I figured what the hell." Jane took a seat in the spare chair in the office as Maura tinkered on the computer.

She smiled looking up from the screen, "That was nice, how is Jeff?"

"Oh, you know what they say in the Prosecutor's office, business is good," Jane chuckled.

Jane began to tap her leg, growing impatient with waiting to see whatever it was that had Maura so excited.

"Peter called this morning, a new listing posted late yesterday evening…."

Jane slumped in her chair as she let loose a disappointed grunt. Thursday had looked so promising, and now hours worth of anticipation of a quiet evening at home with Joe Friday in her lap, a beer in her hand, baseball on the tv and Maura curled up beside her was being dashed, replaced instead with yet another evening of for sale signs, crown molding, hardwood floor analysis and paint sample visions.

Maura turned the laptop towards Jane, "Look! It's a brownstone, corner property, small yard with a patio, the lower level has a living room, formal dining, kitchen, three bedrooms and two baths…and the upper level," Maura clicked to the next set of pictures, her excitement growing, "…the previous owner was an artist and collector and had the whole upper level renovated into a studio, it's an absolutely gorgeous space! And it's in your neighborhood!"

Jane glanced at Maura, shaking her head with amusement at the beaming smile that was looking back at her. Maura's eyes flickered with a hint of green as she waited intently for Jane to effuse as much over the property as she had when Peter had first emailed her the listing. She watched with nervous anticipation as Jane flipped through the copious number of pictures; Peter had evidently gone to view the property himself that morning and taken more pictures than were posted with the listing.

"Wow," Jane mumbled under breath, "I really like this, it looks like tons of space especially with the studio or whatever you call it upstairs. The yard is probably the best we're going to find in the city, it's not huge but it's plenty big enough for Joe. Is it, 'contemporary' enough for you?"

Maura smiled, "Peter says the inside has been completely renovated, all new fixtures and appliances…based on the pictures it looks to have a beautiful blend of classic charm and contemporary updates."

Jane slid the laptop back to Maura, "I suppose we'll be going to look at it after work then?" She tried not to sound lackluster but the derailment of her perfect Thursday evening peppered her face with disappointment.

"Oh, no, I told Peter we had plans this evening but that perhaps we could stop by very early in the morning before work. Peter doesn't think a find like this will last long, so if we look at it first thing in the morning and like it he can be working on the offer during the day." Maura smiled and folded her hands in her lap with satisfaction.

"Plans? Maur, if you've made 'plans' for us we might as well just go look at the house…" Jane's usual husky voice was tinged with a hint of whininess, her lower lip nearly jutting out in a plaintive pout as she slouched in the chair, all but giving up entirely her hopes for an evening a la classic Americana.

Maura sat back in her chair, arms crossed, she watched with amusement the display in front of her, "Jane, I can certainly call Peter back and arrange to view the house but I had thought you were really looking forward to watching the game tonight and I was really looking forward to cooking you dinner…I thought I'd try your mother's sauce recipe with some breaded veal cutlets…"

"You really enjoy it when I show my ass don't you?" Jane interrupted.

Maura tilted her head, her eyes darting quickly from Jane's face to her seat, "Well, yes in fact I do quite enjoy your…"

"Maur! I don't mean literally!"

"Oh, well then I'm not sure I follow the expression."

Jane laughed, "What I meant was I think you enjoy it when I make assumptions about things and turn out to be wrong."

"Assumption is an extremely inefficient…"

Jane waved her hands erratically, "Yeah, yeah, you win." She stood and placed a light kiss on Maura's lips, "I better get back upstairs. And yes, you can make me veal cutlets for dinner and we'll watch the game and during the commercials I'll even let you tell me all the obscure baseball trivia you know. Then, in the morning, we'll look at the house."

Jane exited the office and made it a few strides but stopped and returned, poking her head back in the doorway, "Hey Maur, will you let me watch you make Ma's sauce?"

Maura had already begun work on an autopsy report, her fingers clicking deftly away at the keys, "Absolutely not Jane," she answered, not even bothering to look up from the screen.

* * *

><p>Angela had insisted Jane and Maura bring Michelle to Sunday dinner that weekend and it took little additional convincing that such an invite might make Michelle feel like it was a pity offer thus Sunday dinner that week became a Rizzoli Italian food fest. Jane invited Deena and her girlfriend, Sarah Donahue from Vice, Gretchen and Frankie brought along one of his buddies from patrol.<p>

Angela flitted around the house like a hummingbird on uppers. She was in her element, a kitchen full of savory smells, fresh produce and sizzling meats and a living room full of hungry mouths to feed. New people to cook for meant new compliments to bask in the glory of, her own children's praises having long since dwindled to the occasional, "it's delicious Ma," after a particularly special holiday meal. All of her closely guarded specialties had become such common fare to her own family they all took it as a given that any meal would be just as good as the last. Frank, Jane, Frankie and Tommy had long since failed to consider that perhaps Angela still needed those praises. She would never admit it aloud but sincere compliment and appreciation were the primary reasons she'd pestered Jane to invite Maura for dinner so often well before the shooting. Maura had always seemed genuinely impressed by Angela's cooking performance, the effortless way she moved through the kitchen, how she cooked the most complicated recipes practically from memory – her rolodex open on the counter, but never consulted, and the way the smells permeated the house. Maura remarked once, "this is what a home smells like," following that with, "my mother rarely cooked when I was growing up, and certainly nothing to infuse the entire house with such a delicious aroma." Angela recalled feeling profoundly sad at that statement. She'd often thought there were only two things she was really good at, cooking and raising a family. Given Tommy's shenanigans and Jane and Frankie's career choices, especially Jane's own unique brand of recklessness she concluded that if nothing else, at least she had the cooking.

"Good Lord, Rizzo, how do you not weigh 300lbs?" Gretchen closed her eyes and inhaled a deep lung full of the savory vapors that were floating through the house, "I want to eat the air."

"Well, they didn't call her Roly Poly Rizzoli growing up for nothing," Frankie joked ducking just in time to avoid the throw pillow Jane chucked at his head.

"Someone remind me to kill my brother when all the cops have gone so there are no witnesses to what I'm going to do to him later," Jane shot Frankie a death glare as everyone chuckled both at the nickname and the faux threat.

"Does anyone need another beer?" Maura stood and glanced around at the hands holding empty bottles and counted the number of affirmative nods.

Drink refills were merely an excuse to offer Angela a hand in the kitchen. Maura deposited the empty bottles in the recycling bin and picked up the chopping knife by the onion that Angela had left unfinished on the cutting board.

"They're very strong this year!" Angela said, looking over her shoulder from where she stood at the stove, seasoning her sauce. "The onions, they almost never make my eyes water anymore, but those are particularly potent. I had to take a break from cutting them. I bet you know exactly why onions make you cry."

Maura laughed and shook her head, "I do." She placed the onion in a colander and then placed the colander inside a large mixing bowl and began filling it with water.

"Well? Enlighten me, unlike my daughter I like learning these things," Angela concluded the sentence with a wink.

"Jane learns more from my googletalk as she calls it than she would like to admit," Maura replied with a small laugh.

Angela smiled, "I know she does, she does it now too, you know…the 'googletalk,' when you're not around she's always telling me some factoid about something and I know she's gotten it from you though I don't always trust she's recalling exactly what you said."

"She teaches me colloquial phraseology, it's really helped me interact with other people on a more personal level, I still get the sayings wrong though at times so I guess it's a fair trade between the two of us." Maura looked over at Angela as they shared a moment of warm understanding.

Angela walked to the sink and eyed the now water submerged onion, "Ok, so….onions and crying, lay it on me."

"Well, when you cut the onion you release enzymes that mix with sulfenic acid to produce propanethiol S-oxide a sulfur compound that reacts with the aqueous or moist membrane of your eye to form sulfuric acid which burns prompting the eye to release tears in an attempt to wash the irritant away. Refrigeration slows the reaction thus cutting the onion right after removing it from cold storage can lessen the effect. Barring that, cutting the onion under water," Maura gestured at the colander contraption, "prevents the gaseous vapors from rising to the eye."

* * *

><p>"Oh my God, Mrs. Rizzoli, I've died and gone to heaven," Gretchen cooed from the sofa as she lay sprawled trying to catch her breath.<p>

Michelle laughed, poking Gretchen in the arm in jest eliciting barely audible grunts, "I guess in the interest of public safety I'll have to drive Gretchen home…I think she's food drunk."

"Seriously, Mrs. Rizzoli, that's quite possibly the best meal I've ever had in my life!" Deena added accompanied by an agreeing headshake from her girlfriend.

"Angela, all of you call me Angela, and you're all welcome anytime! Janie and Frankie can tell you I love to cook and there's nothing better than cooking for a big group!" Angela smiled satisfactorily as she finally took a seat, her cooking duties over she was already hard at work on a plot to get Frank, Jane and Frankie to clean up the kitchen once everyone had left.

Jane leaned into Maura's ear to whisper, "So…should we tell everyone?"

Maura smiled and nodded.

"Ok, everyone, before you all either pass out, or roll yourselves to your cars, Maura and I have a little announcement…" Jane put her arm around Maura and rolled her eyes as she glimpsed Angela nearly bolt upright in her seat in anticipation of what the news could be, "Ma, neither of us is pregnant, I can see what you're thinking…don't ruin the moment," Jane joked.

"Well I should hope not Janie," Angela said with a dramatic tone, "Give me a little credit, you're not even married yet."

Jane plastered her face in her hand, "Thanks Ma…"

Everyone seemed thoroughly amused at the banter, including Angela herself, who smiled proudly at getting the comedic upper hand on her usually champion sarcastic daughter.

Jane continued, "Most of you know, Maura and I have been looking for a place together…with very little success…"

"No, really? We hadn't gathered from your constant bitching and moaning," Deena jabbed.

"Hardy har," Jane mocked back, "Anyway, we looked at a place Friday morning and made an offer and the seller accepted our offer last night so it's not a totally done deal, we have to wait on the inspection and all that but if all goes well we should be closing on it in a few weeks."

"Woohoo! Party at the new place!" Gretchen cheered, rousing herself from her near comatose state.

Everyone stood to offer their congratulations allowing Angela a cloaked moment to sneak back to the kitchen for the bottle of champagne she kept well hidden behind items in the fridge. The loud pop of the cork sent a startled jolt through the unsuspecting guests.

"Jesus Ma! Could you not do things that sound like gunfire in a room full of cops, if we were armed we might have shot you," Jane exasperated.

"Janie, don't be overdramatic, here…" Angela handed her the bottle and motioned at Michelle, "would you help me bring the champagne glasses in here?"

"Of course," Michelle rose and followed Angela into the kitchen.

"The glasses are in that cabinet," Angela pointed as she loaded some packaged leftovers into a grocery sack, "and you make sure you're the last to leave and you take these leftovers home with you ok?"

"Oh, Mrs…Angela, that's not really necessary, you don't have to…" Michelle protested weakly.

"Don't be silly, Jane says you haven't been with BPD long, consider it my welcome to the force family gift," Angela added with a wink.

"I would imagine Jane told you about the case we were working a few weeks ago…" Michelle glanced down and then back at Angela suspecting her kindness to have something to do with her near rape and death at the hands of Kyle Walsh.

"Mmhmm," Angela acknowledged, "she said it was an extremely difficult case but that you did an excellent job and that she was proud to have worked it with you."

Michelle smiled though she was sure Angela knew more than she was letting on. Angela stepped up next to her and placed a comforting hand on her arm, beneath the lightweight three-quarter sleeve top that Michelle wore despite the sweltering heat Angela could feel the bandage wrapped around her bicep.

"I have two kids that are police officers, and over the years I've given them plenty of grief over it, about turning me grey before my time because of worry. At the end of the day though, I couldn't be prouder of them, of all of you for putting your lives on the line for all of us. I asked Jane once wasn't she scared and didn't she worry each day, going out on a call. She told me that a good cop can't let that fear and worry get into their head. She said that what she needed was a support system at home to do all the worrying for her and to be there when she needed to let loose about the job or to take her mind off of it. And I figured, what's an Italian mother good for if not to worry? So if that's what she needs then that's probably what all of you need, and I've got plenty of worry, support and gnocchi to go around if you need it."

Michelle laughed in an attempt to quell the tears that were welling up, "We'd all be lucky to have a mom like you."

"Jane and Frankie might disagree, I'm sure they tell horror stories about me at the precinct," Angela chuckled.

Michelle shook her head, "If only they knew what they'd be missing if they'd had a mother like mine…can I…can I give you a hug?"

Angela pulled her into an embrace, "I'm good at hugs too."

"Thank you," Michelle whispered.

"You're welcome, sweetheart, you're welcome," Angela soothed.


	10. Insecurity

**Notes:** Thanks to everyone who has been reading along and as always, reviews are always welcome and appreciated!

**CH 10: Insecurity**

Jane sat cross-legged in the floor of Maura's living room surrounded by enough packing paraphernalia that it looked like a bomb had gone off on the receiving dock of a UPS warehouse. Every officer at BPD had brought their daily Heralds in for the past couple of weeks to contribute to the packing supply collection. Korsak had contributed the lion's share, apparently he had a buddy at the paper that procured him extra copies for his critters, when he had more than he could use he dropped off the excess at the Humane Society, but for the last two weeks he'd brought them by Jane or Maura's instead.

Jane reached up and popped a square of the bubble wrap scarf that she had adorned her neck with and smirked at the familiar sound, _never too old to molest some bubble wrap_, she mused to herself.

"Jane, you really should double wrap those, they're very fragile…" Maura was standing over her shoulder…again.

It was…Jane had lost count, but she estimated perhaps the umpteenth time Maura had backseat packed…and she was really over it.

She set the breakable knick knack down and stood, hands on her hips, "Maur, you know, I've been packing your shit for hours! You're more than welcome to get down on the floor and do it yourself if you think you can do it better," Jane growled in exasperation.

Maura stood, mouth agape, momentarily taken aback by Jane's tone until she felt her own frustration creeping in a reddened fury up her chest, "You act like I haven't been doing anything!"

"Oh no, you've been doing plenty, standing over my shoulder supervising me packing your stuff for the past three hours!" Jane stiffened as the confrontation grew.

"Jane that is absolutely unfair! I have only offered suggestions when you lapsed into your usual laissez-faire attitude, which potentially threatens the structural integrity of my breakables in transit!"

Jane threw her hands up in frustration, "Don't googletalk me about packing Maur! If you wanna say I'm a shitty packer just say it, which I find endlessly hilarious considering how many times I've actually packed people's stuff and helped them move. When have you ever gotten down in the dirt to pack a house, huh!"

An unusual feeling of bravado swept through Maura as she stepped forward towards Jane rather than stepping away despite her trembling lower lip and the tears that were forming behind her eyes, "Screw you, Jane!"

Maura attempted to push past Jane in a dramatic display but Jane quickly grabbed her arm spinning her around, "Screw me? Really, Maura!"

"Let go of my arm," Maura huffed straining to pull away. At the moment of tension when she was leaning the farthest back on her heels Jane released her arm sending Maura teetering off balance into a stack of packed and half-packed boxes.

Jane winced as the stack toppled over, an antique porcelain doll, which had been resting on the top box landed with a shattering thud on the floor as the tower of laden cardboard cubes crashed down on top of it.

_Fuck_, Jane muttered, _Maura's grandmother's favorite doll…please don't be broken, please don't be broken…_

The tears Maura had tried so hard to restrain during the argument began flowing through the violent sniffles and gasping breaths she shook with as she gingerly removed the boxes until she came to the doll, her porcelain face painfully broken in several large pieces. She eased down to the floor folding her legs to the side as the picked up the pieces one by one and placed them in the palm of her hand.

Jane ran a hand through her hair and spun around and then back again nervously; she knelt next to Maura reaching for the doll's body, "I…I can fix it, I can glue it back together or something…" she stammered.

"Don't touch it," Maura choked out between sobs, grabbing the doll and holding it tightly to her chest with the hand not clutching the broken facial pieces.

"Maur…I…"

"Just go away, just leave me alone," Maura didn't look up as she said it, another volley of tears streaking down her face.

She closed her eyes, as her memory was flooded with images of her grandmother's house, and of being a young child and standing wide-eyed in the doll room admiring her Nanny's collection. Her eyes always fell on Isabelle, the thin red lips and brightly rouged cheeks with her black porcelain coiffeur molded into a tight bun save the single ringlets that were painted to curl in front of each delicate ear. Most of the dolls had brown or blue eyes, but Isabelle's were green and over her cloth body she wore an off the shoulder evening gown made of silk, hand stitched including the ruching; it was a curious color of evergreen so dark it was almost black and little crimson roses that adorned the hip. Around her shoulders the doll sported a miniature stole of red fox fur. She ran a finger over the stole much as she had done as a little girl when her Nanny would take Isabelle out of the cabinet and let her hold the doll for a moment. But only a moment, Isabelle was Nanny's favorite and had been kept in pristine condition since her own grandmother had passed the doll down. Nanny had given Maura a porcelain doll every year for her birthday, sometimes it was a doll from her collection, one Maura had admired, and sometimes it was a doll her grandmother bought for the occasion. When she passed away the remaining collection was divvied up amongst the grandchildren and cousins, but Isabelle had explicitly been bequeathed to Maura.

The sound of the front door slamming shut interrupted the memory and Maura looked up to see that Jane had left.

* * *

><p>Traffic was scarce and in record time Jane found herself parked in front of her apartment, but loathe to go in, she opted for a walk instead. The muggy June air billowed around her as she trudged down the dimly lit nighttime street. She was just about to thank God for the coolish breeze when a gust blew an errant low hanging tree branch into her face. Swatting at it spastically, she stopped and glanced around to see if anyone had seen her in the embarrassingly humorous klutz-tastic fit of divine retribution.<p>

"You're right, I'm an asshole, and since Maura wouldn't slap me someone might as well…and now I'm talking to a tree branch, which makes me a certifiable nutjob asshole who just picked a fight with her girlfriend for no good reason and topped it all off by causing her to break her Nanny's generations old antique doll…Congratulations Rizzoli, Queen of the Assholes," Jane plucked a leaf from the branch that she was still holding onto, "and I'm still talking to the tree, Jesus Christ."

Her feet carried her in a direction unplotted by conscious thought, step after step on pavement that seemed familiar but not at the same time, building after building that she'd long since stopped paying attention to after she turned the corner at the end of her own block. When she stopped she looked up into a street lamp, letting its light burn into her eyes as the white glow expanded in her field of vision until she finally looked away, blinking rapidly as yellow orbs speckled the blackness of the neighborhood around her. She clenched her eyes shut, wrinkling her nose before opening them again, repeating the act several times until the floaters faded away.

_The house…mine and Maura's house. Asshole._ Jane climbed the stairs and sat down leaning against the polished heavy wood door. Everything was changing, but it had been slowly changing all along ever since that kiss in the hospital when she woke up out of the coma. First step. Finally growing a pair and showing up at her house to tell Maura she felt the same way. Second step. And all the other steps after that. Making love for the first time and every time after was a reminder of the connection she had with Maura that she'd never had with anyone else. The entire coming out process, especially the struggles with Maura's family. Then there was Kearns, a blight that would always have a small toe hold in both of them. The discovery of Maura's sister and the accompanying sadness of her biological mother's murder. All of those moments bounced around Jane's head, several were tinged with grief or sadness but as she reflected on them she realized all had brought a new strength and abiding trust to their relationship in ways that had not existed before those trials.

* * *

><p>Maura mulled over the last line of her journal entry in her head before letting her hand guide the pen effortlessly across the page. She paused, waiting a few seconds to allow the ink to dry and then closing the red leather bound pages, her finger tracing the Celtic knot design on the cover as the memories of Christmas with the Rizzolis brought a fleeting smile to her tear-stained face. Joe Friday leapt from the bed, hearing the key turn in the front door long before Maura heard the familiar footsteps gingerly making their way back to the bedroom.<p>

Jane walked in, her eyes and Maura's holding each other's gaze without the exchange of words. Her skin glistened with a light sheen of sweat as she changed into a tank top and boxer shorts. Maura pulled her legs tightly to her chest and watched silently, her eyes never leaving Jane even as she made her way nervously to sit on the edge of the bed, staring at her palms as the massaged the scars.

"You broke our promise," Maura stated, her voice was soft in volume, but rough from crying and heavy with a hurt Jane knew she had caused.

It wasn't what Jane expected her to say and she looked up questioningly, her mouth open but no response forthcoming.

"You left…you left and we promised we'd never leave during a fight after what happened with Donegal."

Jane nodded, she had broken the promise, the promise they'd made the night Maura had been rescued from Declan Donegal's basement after almost three days in captivity in Donegal's attempt to seek vengeance for the death of his brother and son at the hands of Patrick Doyle.

"I'm sorry, for breaking our promise and for everything before it. I was a real bitch tonight, for lack of a better word, and I didn't mean it…"

"Yes you did," Maura stated sadly, "sometimes we're at our most truthful uninhibited by anger."

Jane's heart sank, "I…I…don't know what to say to that."

Maura's forehead slowly dropped to rest on her knees, her arms tightening further around her legs in a futile attempt to try and comfort herself.

"Maur…" Jane reached out to run a hand through her wavy honey brown hair.

"Please don't," Maura turned her head brushing Jane's hand away, "if you don't want to move in together I think you should tell me now."

It hit her, like the proverbial and clichéd ton of bricks, right in the face accompanied with a sack of wet sand to the gut. The words knocked her breath out and before she knew it the stoic brunette reached up to feel uncharacteristic tears falling in a steady stream down her own cheeks. This is what it was all about, and it wasn't about not wrapping the breakables correctly, or who had packed the most boxes or even the shattered doll on the table in the living room. It was about insecurity, and the realization that she hadn't been feeling it alone but rather that they'd both been suffering in silence.

"Not moving in with you…that is absolutely and unequivocally not what I want," Jane paused and replayed her own mangled sentence in her head, "that was a lot of nots so you know grammatically or whatever I'm not sure if that meant what I meant it to mean, dammit," she buried her face in her hands mumbling, "earlier I was talking to a tree and now I'm not making any sense at all."

Jane looked up, pausing in an attempt to collect her thoughts, "I want to move in with you, at this very moment there is nothing I want more in this world…except for maybe this whole night to never have happened. I want to create this home with you, I want to go to the hardware store like the stereotypical lesbian that I am and pick out paint samples with you and I want you to drag me to the fabric store or wherever to pick out curtains even though I'm going to complain about that one, and I'm telling you now I'm going to complain about it so don't say I didn't warn you…"

"Why did you yell at me tonight?" Maura's voice quivered, her pain still evident.

Jane sighed, her usual strategy of using humor to alleviate tension having seemingly failed, "Because I was frustrated…with myself, for feeling so insecure throughout this whole process even though it's absolutely what I want. And I should have talked to you about how I was feeling, but I didn't, I kept it all inside and then it just all bubbled over tonight and I took it out on you and it really wasn't about you at all it was about me being mad at me. I wish I would have told you how I was feeling sooner, because I think you've been feeling just as insecure as me, even though I think our mutual insecurity is completely irrational…at least, I know mine is, it's just my old habit of torturing and second guessing myself on shit…"

She paused, the silence horrifying and deafening as Maura stared back at her, "You can jump in anytime Maur…" Jane laughed, the black fog of insecurity creeping back in.

"I…I'm just spent, I can't even think. I know how I feel and I can't even express it right now…I think I just need to sleep. Can we…continue this conversation in the morning?" Maura looked up with pleading eyes.

Jane nodded, reaching around Maura to grab a pillow she rose and walked to the doorway, pausing she turned around, "Maura…I love you."

Maura had rested her forehead once again on her knees but tilted her face towards Jane, "I love you too, Jane."

* * *

><p>Jane awoke to the stifling sensation of her nose pressed tightly into the back cushion of the living room sofa. She stirred, moving her face to find a position conducive to breathing more freely as she continued to awaken, becoming more cognizant of the sensation of restraint that was confining her movement. As she processed the feeling of being held down she snapped into full consciousness with a gasp.<p>

The panic dissipated as she glanced down to see the restraints were actually a pair of familiar arms, one wrapped around her waist and the other threaded under her neck and a smooth and creamy pair of legs tangled in her own. She felt a warm and rhythmic breath pulse across the back of her neck as her head relaxed back down to the pillow.

Maura's leg stirred and nearly slid off the sofa, Jane watched with a smile as the sleep controlled foot burrowed it's way back between her own legs. Lifting herself on her elbow Jane slowly and carefully turned herself, slowly rolling over through her entanglement in Maura's limbs to face the woman that was lying behind her. Despite her best effort, the maneuvering woke Maura; her eyes fluttering open to a soft brown gaze looking back at her. Jane brushed a honey brown strand of hair from her cheek and wrapped her arm around Maura's back, pulling her tight into her body and a few safer inches from the edge of the sofa.

"Hey," Jane whispered, her fingers stroking light circles on Maura's upper back.

"Hey," Maura answered with an apologetic smile, "I couldn't sleep without you. So I came in here and you were already asleep and I didn't want to wake you but you were having a bad dream and crying so I just decided to sleep here with you."

"Did I stop crying?"

"Yes."

"I sleep better with you, I always have, ever since that night when Hoyt was on the loose," Jane pressed her lips to Maura's.

"Do we need to continue our conversation from last night?" Maura reached up and rested her hand on Jane's cheek.

"You can tell me anything you need to say, but really all I need to hear is that you want us to move in together."

"Jane, I can't wait to move in with you and do all the things you talked about last night. Especially anything that involves you working with power tools."

Jane raised one eyebrow, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a bit of a kinky streak?"

"You might have mentioned it when we were rolling around naked in paint on a dropcloth in your living room," Maura laughed, "I was under the impression you liked my kinky side though."

"Oh…very much," Jane concluded with a wink.


	11. A Doll's House

**Notes:** This chapter is a bit on the long side but there was so much I wanted to do in it I just couldn't bring myself to cut anything or split it up, but I hope that you'll be very pleased if you can indulge my lengthyness this time! As always your comments and reviews are greatly appreciated!

**CH 11: A Doll's House**

Things seemed out of place. It was a curious observation given the state the house was in as a whole due to the packing process but as Jane and Maura finally extricated themselves from each other's arms on the sofa it was quite clear that items were not as they had been left the night before. The first clue was the toppled boxes from the previous evening's incident, what Maura had thrown aside to uncover her doll had been moved to make a path and stacked in smaller clumps.

"I think our packing supplies procreated overnight," Jane blurted out staring at neatly corded unassembled boxes, four new rolls of packing tape, a pack of labels and another spool of bubble wrap.

Jane meandered into the kitchen and began pulling coffee supplies out of the otherwise barren cabinets only to sniff the air a few times before actually looking at the pot to see coffee was already perking.

"Jane!" Maura called out frantically. "Did you move Isabelle!"

"No…" Jane answered as she trotted back to the living room to find Maura staring distraughtly at the table she had laid the doll and her pieces on. It dawned on her. _Ma_.

"Dammit, Ma…she must have come over while we were still asleep, dropped off this packing crap, I don't know….taken the doll…"

"Jane!" Maura's face was stricken with concern, "She wouldn't…throw her away would she…" Maura made her way to the various trash and discard sacks and began rifling through them.

"Hey…hey…" Jane grabbed and her pulled her away from the trash, cupping her face, "Ma would never…she's probably at home right now trying to glue her back together or something, don't worry about it, I'll take care of it."

* * *

><p>It really wasn't what she needed. As if last night hadn't been bad enough, as if the doll being broken wasn't a big enough catastrophe in the whole giant clusterfuck that was trying to pack and combine two residences, now the damn doll was gone. <em>I swear to God Ma, if you've thrown that doll away or irreparably damaged…further irreparably damaged…Oh God, I'm so screwed.<em>

Her phone buzzing was a welcome reprieve from the macabre images of total doll annihilation that were flashing through her head.

"Rizzoli…Hey Frost, nah we're good on packing crap…just working a little missing persons case on the side right now…I think Ma swiped Maura's favorite antique doll…yes, Maura has dolls….sure adult women can have dolls, they're not fucking Barbies for Christ's sake she doesn't sit around and brush their hair, it's an antique. Speaking of, you wouldn't happen to know of a place that fixes antique dolls would you?...I did not break the damn doll…I didn't!...I might have created the circumstances under which the doll was broken…I didn't break the damn doll! Look do you know a place or not?...Well, you've surprised me before Bruce Lee, who knows you seem like the kind of cultured guy that might know about doll repair…no Frost, I'm not insinuating you're gay. You know, some heterosexual men have dolls too…Action figures ARE dolls. Oh my God, you totally have 'action figures' don't you?...Do you still play with them?...Whatever, you're no help, later."

The drive to her parents house seemed interminable, she thought about tacking on the dashboard siren she kept in case emergency calls came in off the clock but she thought barreling through Boston sirens a blazing on the trail of a missing doll might constitute an improper use of authority if Internal Affairs were to get wind. So she obeyed the laws of traffic just like every other oblivious schmuck who had no idea the serious sling her ass was about to be incased in if anything had happened to that damn doll.

"Ma!" Jane stormed through the house like a tornado in a trailer park, "MA!"

Doors to rooms were flung open and papers rustled in her wake.

Angela entered through the back door, "Good grief Jane, I can hear you screeching all the way outside, what on earth is the matter?" She made her way to the sink, removing her gardening hat and gloves and washing her hands before dabbing at the sweat on her brow.

"Where is it?" Jane huffed breathlessly, her hands on her hips.

"I assume you mean the doll you broke?" Angela retorted as she began to wash the previous evening's dishes.

"I did not break the doll."

"You expect me to believe Maura broke the doll? Her grandmother's favorite doll?" Angela turned around and mirrored Jane's exasperated pose, hands planted disbelievingly on her hips.

"No, of course Maura didn't break the doll…"

"So you broke the doll?"

"It was an accident, and I did not break the doll! And how did you know it was Maura's grandmother's favorite doll?" Now Jane was puzzled.

"Because she told me…when she showed me her collection…after dinner at her house one night when you and your father were watching some game."

"Oh…"

"Yes, oh…" Angela mocked jokingly, "so when I came in this morning to bring you more packing supplies and saw that you had broken the doll…"

"Oh my GOD MA! Look, I may have created the circumstances under which the doll was broken but I…did not…break…the…doll!" Jane threw her hands up in sheer frustration, gesturing wildly.

"Mmmhmm, anyway I took the doll," Angela finished with what Jane deemed an utterly puzzling nonchalance given how obvious it was that she was clearly very near a complete and total breakdown over the missing doll.

"Ma…where is the doll? I'm going to have a stroke here in a minute and you're going to have to live with that."

"You know Carla Talluci collects old dolls…" Angela returned to washing the dishes

"You're going to make me put out a Bolo on this doll aren't you Ma, I'm not above arresting you for breaking and entering and misdemeanor theft if you don't cough up the location of this doll…though I have no idea what that doll is worth so it could very well be felony theft…keep that in mind."

Angela smirked as she pulled a post-it note from the refrigerator door, "Considering you gave me the key to Maura's house I doubt you could make much of a case for that…" she began scribbling on the piece of paper, "…anyway as I was saying, I came to drop off the packing supplies, I saw the doll…and you on the couch, I assumed you breaking the doll was how you ended up on the couch, I further assumed Maura's overly forgiving nature is how she ended up on the couch with you…I took the doll, called Carla Talluci…"

As Angela scribbled and told her story in the most rambling fashion possible Jane stood behind her and pantomimed banging her head into a wall. _She's doing this to me on purpose. She's trying to kill me with suspense. I probably deserve this…even though I didn't break the damn doll._

"…Since Carla collects dolls I thought she might know of someone who does antique doll restoration." Angela turned and handed Jane the note with a name, address and directions, "I had to pay extra to get them to do the doll today; otherwise, it would have been weeks."

"They can fix it!" _I may make it out of this alive after all_, Jane mused, "I'll pay you back, Ma."

"Of course you will; you broke the doll after all."

"I did not break the doll!" Jane started to leave but stopped, leaning against the kitchen doorway propped up by one arm, the other cockily resting on her hip as she pursed her lips and raised one eyebrow, "Is this how it's going to be now? You're like always on Maura's side! Nevermind, don't answer that I can't handle it," she waved her hand dismissively.

Jane strode swiftly to the front door hollering back to the kitchen, "GEEZ! Already taking Maura's side on EVERYTHING! And we're not even married yet!"

Angela snickered to herself, "Mmmhmmm….yet."

The front door swung open and Jane leaned her head back in for one last shout, "And I didn't break the doll!"

* * *

><p>It had been a long day full of keeping Maura at bay about Isabelle, endless errands and spur of the moment planning for an evening she hoped would make up for the horrors of the previous, the sweltering heat didn't help, by the end of the day Jane felt about as clean as the underside of a camel's armpit. But, despite the stress and the soul-crushing fear that had gripped her from the inside out all day by 6pm she was standing in her virtually completely packed apartment blissfully alone save for one fully restored antique doll wrapped up like Randy from A Christmas Story, and if that threatened not to be enough Jane was prepared to shoot anyone that came within an arm's length of that doll.<p>

There wasn't much time to shower and get cleaned up before Maura was supposed to meet her at the apartment to set off for the special dinner Jane had planned, so her moment of contemplative Zen was cut short as she made her way to the bathroom.

Her hair was still slightly damp when she heard Maura arrive at 7pm on the dot, dressed casually as requested in khaki Capri pants and a silk navy blue camisole adorned with tasteful ruffles that ran down the neckline to meet in the middle before trailing down the middle of the top.

"Do you mind if we stop by the house real quick, it's on our way? I just want to drop that bag off." Jane asked gesturing at a large paper shopping sack in the backseat as they pulled away from her apartment.

Maura smiled, "Not at all…how will we get in?"

"Oh, the locksmith got done early changing the locks out after the utilities guys turned everything on, so I picked up the new keys from Peter this afternoon while I was out running around. I didn't mention that?" Jane could barely hide the smirk.

"No, you didn't," Maura answered casually, unsuspectingly.

It was a short ten minute jaunt to the house, the worst of the rush hour traffic having dissipated. Maura spent most of those few minutes wondering what kind of dinner location Jane was taking her to, given the specific instructions to dress casually. Even when they hung out at the Robber Jane didn't specify she dress down.

"Shall I wait in the car?" Maura glanced over at Jane as they pulled up to the house.

"Nah, why don't you come in and see it with the lights on." Jane jumped out of the car and ran around quickly to catch Maura's door and finish opening it.

Maura smiled with a child-like glee as she walked through the lower level of the house, turning on and off the lights, checking that the water was running in the kitchen and bathroom.

"Excited?" Jane asked sneaking up behind her and placing a light kiss on her neck.

"Very, but I am getting a little hungry so why don't we go on to dinner and come back tomorrow."

Jane placed another quick kiss on Maura's neck, "Let's just check the studio upstairs real quick," she took hold of Maura's hand and led her up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs Maura paused, taking in the sight of a picnic dinner laid out on a table cloth on the floor, a bottle of wine and two glasses, an air mattress in the corner all set to the tune of a smoky jazz track playing from Jane's iPod and speakers.

Jane laced her fingers through Maura's and led her to the setup, "Dinner is served," she lit several candles and dimmed the overhead lights as Maura took a seat on the floor.

"First, the pre-dinner gift," Jane extricated a box from the shopping sack and handed it to Maura.

Maura gasped as she opened it, "Jane! She's fixed! How…you can't even tell she was broken!"

Jane uncorked the wine and filled their glasses, "That one's all Ma, said she knew it was your grandmother's favorite and when she saw it broken she took it and found a doll repair place. I think she literally put the fear of God in the poor woman to fix it today."

"Jane…" Maura said softly, taking a sip of her wine, "thank you, this is the perfect first dinner in our new home."

The airy yet sensual guitar picking of Andres Segovia's _If My Complaints_ filled the air with a tempting invitation.

Jane extended her hand much to Maura's surprise, "Dance with me?"

Maura settled in close to Jane's body, her face cradled in the crook of Jane's neck, eyes closed trusting the taller woman to lead her effortlessly in whatever pattern of dips and turns she so chose. The song was short and as it reached its decrescendo and their mutual footwork slowed Maura looked up and met Jane's lips with her own, the warm pout of Jane's lower lip tinged with the aged oak notes of the full bodied Merlot she had selected for dinner sparked a streak of warmth through Maura's body. Jane took control; her tongue sliding effortlessly across Maura's lip before she bit down slightly relishing in Maura's nails digging deeper into her back as she did so.

They made their way slowly to the air mattress, lips and tongues tasting the remnants of wine on their counterpart, nipping at the heated and flushed skin of sensitive necks, hands roaming under shirts and over the smooth tight skin beneath. Jane pulled off Maura's top and unhooked her bra with practiced skill before removing her own. She lost herself for a fleeting moment in the arousal of Maura's teeth on the sensitive spot under her ear and the gentle sucking on her pulse point that followed but regained her awareness of the present when she felt her pants fall to the ground and Maura's fingers scratching down her hips and stroking over the rise of her buttocks to tease the ticklish patch of skin at the base of her spine.

Jane worked her way down Maura's body, relishing every rise and curve as the stress from the impending move melted away. She felt the fullness of Maura's breasts under her hands, the taste of the skin in the dip between them, seasoned with the just forming beads of excited perspiration mingling with the last faintly dry alcoholic notes of perfume applied hours before.

Maura gasped as Jane's tongue circled her folds, dipping into wet warmth and then out again before enveloping Maura's clit to encouraging groans of pleasure. She sucked gently, her fingers digging into Maura's ribs as her hips rolled and arched to Jane's attentions. Quickened and ragged breathing encouraged Jane on as she slipped two fingers inside the aching heat her mouth had been teasing.

"Ah…Jane…" Maura moaned, her back arching as she wound one hand through the dark wavy locks cascading between her legs.

With one final curling upstroke Jane felt Maura shiver around her fingers, her staccato gasps audibly signaling her release as her body shook to Jane's continued strokes until she was completely spent. Her hand fell out of Jane's hair to rest beside her as her muscles relaxed letting her body sink into the pillowy mattress below her.

When she opened her eyes Maura found a pair of reverent brown eyes looking back at her. She pulled Jane into a kiss, pushing her back as she sat up. Maura teased pert nipples with her fingers as she settled into Jane's lap, her hand slowly but with purpose stroking down the length of Jane's body until her fingers found a wet and swollen clit. She circled the sensitive area as Jane's body writhed beneath her, her head lolling back with a sharp intake of breath as she rode out her climax to Maura's strokes.

Jane's finger ghosted lightly over Maura's face as they settled back down onto the mattress, "Long day tomorrow, gotta finish packing your place…maybe we should get ready for bed."

Maura smiled, pulling Jane into a quick kiss, "Well, I don't have much to get ready with considering you didn't tell me this was an overnight dinner," she added with a sly smile.

"Oh, don't worry, I have that covered," Jane popped up and retrieved a shirt box tied with a bow from the shopping bag she had brought in.

"I love presents," Maura joked with a glint in her eye as she slid the bow off the box and opened it to reveal a loud floral printed purple mumu. A confused laugh escaped her as she cut her eyes towards Jane, "Well…Jane…this is very…"

"Well aren't you going to at least take it out of the box?" Jane encouraged with a slight eye roll.

Maura pulled the layers of purple fabric out of its tissue paper nest to reveal a small velvet box nestled in the bottom of the box.

Jane leaned over to place a soft kiss on Maura's bare shoulder, "Do you remember that dream I told you about a while ago, about us being together in our 70s?"

An audibly deep breath accompanied Maura's nod in the affirmative, she looked at Jane as tears began to well up behind her eyes, "You dreamed of me in designer mumus and you were a velour track suit wearing mall walker," Maura couldn't contain the laugh as she recollected the story from months prior.

Maura's hand trembled as she held the box but stilled as Jane placed one hand on top of hers and one hand underneath.

Jane took a deep breath in a futile attempt to calm the hummingbird that had seemingly taken up residence inside her chest, "Maur, I want to wake up next to you everyday until we're 70, and for everyday we're blessed to have after that," opening the box she finished, "Maura, will you marry me?"

Tears trickled down her face as Maura raised a shaking left hand and presented it to Jane, "Yes…yes, of course I'll marry you," she choked trying to regain her composure.

Overcome with her own set of the shakes, Jane struggled to slide the ring on but finally managed, laughing at her own momentary ineptitude.

"Did you want to put that on?" Jane gestured to the mumu as she eased Maura down to the mattress, capturing her lips in a searing kiss before the other woman had a chance to answer.

Maura giggled as she nipped at Jane's lip, "No…I think I'm good."

She held her hand up, cutting her eyes towards Jane and smiling as Jane's finger traced over her hand, circling around the ring before lacing through her fingers.

"It was Nonna's…she gave it to me months ago…I know it's probably not what you imagined when…" Jane began to explain.

"It's more than I ever imagined," Maura countered, rolling into Jane's side, "because I never imagined one at all."

Jane quirked her eyebrows, "I thought all little girls fantasized about engagement rings and wedding dresses and stuff."

"I didn't, and as an adult I never considered it a possibility with anyone I've been with until you…" Maura raised herself up on her elbow to look in Jane's eyes, "…and it wouldn't have mattered if you had opened that box to the Hope Diamond or nothing at all…I would have said yes. But, I can't imagine anything more perfect than wearing your Nonna's ring…I'm honored."

"I love you," Jane cupped Maura's face in her hands as she spoke.

"I love you too…Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"You said all little girls fantasized about these things, what did you imagine when you were little?"

Jane chuckled, "Do you remember those ring pop candies?"

Maura laughed as she nodded.

"Really?" Jane cocked her head, "I wouldn't have figured you for a candy eating kid…more a raw carrots and granola snacker."

"They sold them in the commissary of the fencing camp I went to every summer."

Jane snorted, "I can't believe I'm going to marry someone who went to fencing camp…Ow!" she exclaimed jokingly as Maura landed a playful swat on her shoulder.

"Anyway, I used to get those ring pops and put them on my finger and close myself off in my room when no one was around and twirl around like I was Cinderella…" Jane's voice trailed off with a hint of embarrassment.

"You did not twirl," Maura teased.

"I did…I twirled," Jane retorted, "What! I can twirl! When no one's looking…you know, image to maintain and all."

"You don't always have to be the prince you know," Maura stroked Jane's cheek as she said it.

"Well, one of us has to be don't you think?"

Maura shook her head, "No, no I don't, I think we only have to be who we are and who each other needs. I don't need a prince, or a princess…I just need Jane Rizzoli."

Jane smiled with a renewed security, "You have her."


	12. I Lived With Visions

**Notes:** Many thanks to all of you who have left comments, I really appreciate each and every one! See the author's note at the end for the two poems cited in this chapter.

**CH 12: I Lived With Visions**

The morning sun unimpeded by curtainless windows poured in early nagging Maura awake. She squinted, still half asleep, burrowing her face forcefully into Jane's neck seeking shelter from the searing light. A small whimper of discontent vibrated against Jane's skin as Maura's fingers curled combatively into her shoulder. The subtle movements and the assaulting light snapped Jane awake.

"Mmm, fuck," she mumbled swinging her arm over her eyes as she winced at their lack of adjustment to the visual stimulus, "Too bright…Peter didn't mention the sun rises directly outside of this house…"

"Add light blocking shades to the house list," Maura wriggled in closer to Jane her skin hungry for as much direct contact as possible. It was then she felt the scratchy fabric that was draped over her and tilted her head up enough to see that Jane had draped the mumu over them as a blanket while they slept. Maura giggled as she ran her fingers over the low fiber count fabric near the collar.

"Sorry, I forgot to pack a blanket. You shivered a little bit during the night and it was either this or the table cloth," Jane rolled onto her side to face Maura and enveloped her in a tight embrace. Their lips met in a gentle good morning that inevitably built with a burning intensity as Jane rolled Maura onto her back.

As she pulled back she could see Maura's skin was already flushed with arousal. As Maura moved her hands to drag down either side of Jane's body, she let her left hand linger and stroke over the familiar scars. A prophetic ray of light glinted off the diamond catching Jane's eye, she looked down and watched Maura's fingers glide across the raised up skin, barely touching it but with enough emotional connection to ignite every hair on Jane's body to stand as a slight shiver rumbled through her torso. She placed her hand over Maura's, pressing it tightly to the entry scar. An unexpected flash, a suppressed memory took her by surprise unfolding behind her eyes with a vivid spark.

"I won't…" the words were earnest, believable to any ear without even knowing the question.

"Jane…Jane…"

A quick breath and she opened her eyes as she felt Maura's right hand pressing tightly to her chest.

"You won't what?"

Jane took Maura's hand and moved it to the site of the wound, "You had your hands here, I don't remember seeing anything after I hit the ground, but I could feel them, I knew it was you…and you kept saying 'Don't leave me,' and I kept saying 'I won't,' over and over…"

Maura shook her head, reaching for Jane, "You never said anything, you were in shock, I…I thought you were completely unconscious…"

Their lips met again in a heated frenzy, the flashback a somber reminder of what could have been, paired with the scars Maura's hands had just traced, a now appreciated monument to what they had become. Jane lifted her hips as Maura's hand by touch begged entrance.

"I won't," Jane whispered into Maura's lips.

"I know," Maura answered.

* * *

><p>Maura lay in a satisfying afterglow, wrapped in the mumu as she watched Jane pack the dinner supplies and sort the trash.<p>

"Did you tell your parents you were going to propose last night?" Maura looked down at the ring again with an adoring smile, she couldn't keep her eyes off of it.

A snort from across the room clearly indicated that she had not but for effect Jane clarified, "Would you really have wanted Ma crouched in the bushes trying to peer in the window last night?"

Maura pondered for a quick second, "No, no I don't think I would have. When should we tell them?"

Janed padded back to the air mattress and sat down, running her fingers through Maura's tousled hair, "What about at the house warming party in a couple of weeks? Then my whole family will be there and we can save them all the dramatic Rizzoli family telephone tree and hurt feelings of being the last to know. Which means…you'll have to take that off when we're around them in the meantime. Ma's got heat seeking missiles for eyes when it comes to that kind of thing."

The look of disapproval that colored Maura's face was utterly adorable; Jane crinkled her brow in thought, "Or…" she took Maura's hand and twisted the ring, "wear one of those larger rings you have on the same finger and it should cover the band if you don't want to take it off."

Maura sat up, "Would you mind if I told my parents before the party?"

"No, of course not, they already sort of know anyway…well I mean, not that I was doing it last night but that I was going to at some point."

"Jane, did you ask my parents' permission to marry me?" Maura sniffled, moved by the gesture.

"Yeah, I mean this was a lot harder for them than it was for my parents and it just seemed like the right thing to do…Family's important, your family is just as important to me, even if we have had our ups and downs."

"Jane, that's so sweet," Maura wiped the single tear that trickled down her cheek.

"Ok, ok, that's your crying quota for the month, you're killing me," Jane stood and began sliding her pants on, "Now are you going to get dressed so we can go finish packing? Or you know, you could just wear that mumu all day if you wanted," she concluded with a wink.

* * *

><p>Moving was exhausting, this wasn't really news to Maura, though it was amazing how stressful it could be even with professional movers doing all of the heavy lifting. Granted, a good portion of the stress came from Angela who insisted on…helping, if it could be called that. After several days of Angela supervising the movers, Angela supervising the unpacking and initial arranging Maura could understand why Jane became so cross the night she was looking over her shoulder during the wrapping of the breakables.<p>

As Angela busied herself in the kitchen Maura seized on the opportunity to sneak upstairs to the studio, which Jane had requested be converted into her "man cave." She wasn't entirely certain what that meant at first but Frost had done a fairly adequate job of explaining it and she was agreeable to Jane mostly having that space so long as she had some say in the decorating. Maura found herself struggling to keep her eyes open as she laid down on the sofa and before she knew it her own body betrayed her, giving in to an uncharacteristic midday nap.

Soft skin and cool metal coaxed her awake. Maura's eyes fluttered open to the sight of Jane sitting on the floor by the sofa as she slid the engagement ring back on her finger, "It's ok, Ma's gone now," she said softly as she rubbed Maura's back.

"Hmmm," Maura hummed, "When is she coming back?"

"Not until the party, I told her we were good and could take it from here."

Maura quirked an eyebrow in disbelief, "And she accepted that?"

Jane laughed, "Well, she protested at first but I think I finally got through to her. Anyway, you're supposed to meet your parents in two hours so I thought I should wake you up."

Maura shot up, "Two hours!" She fumbled for her watch, "I didn't realize I had fallen asleep for that long!"

* * *

><p>Elizabeth Isles opened the door with a smile that softened the usual harshness that accompanied her angular features, "Maura, for heaven's sake you have a key, you don't need to ring the bell."<p>

Her mother wrapped her in a surprisingly tight hug, "You must be exhausted from the move…Are you wearing a new fragrance, it's quite lovely and different from your usual."

"It's just some of Jane's lavender body spray, I haven't unpacked the box with my perfumes yet," Maura answered with a smile.

Elizabeth turned motioning Maura to follow, "I have some hors d'oeuvres and a lovely Moscato set up in the sun room, you absolutely will not believe this…" she turned abruptly causing Maura to nearly crash into her, "…your father bought a grill."

They shared a laugh.

"What ever possessed him?" Maura giggled as they approached the sun room.

"He was quite impressed with Frank's grilling at the Memorial Day cookout, he went on and on about for weeks. Finally I told him he should just go buy a grill. I will say, surprisingly, his steaks have been quite good. He's trying a grilled salmon recipe tonight though," Elizabeth's face did not mask her concern, "but don't worry, I made extra hors d' oeuvres, just in case."

The sight of her father, khaki chinos, his usual polo shirt and loafers standing in the yard monitoring the flame on a grill was unexpectedly moving. Jane and the Rizzolis hadn't just effected a profound change in her as an individual but in her family as well. It was an image she wished was old hat, something that conjured recollection of childhood holidays and family picnics. Better now than never.

William Isles closed the grill and made his way to the sun room, he took Maura by the shoulders and placed a kiss on her forehead, "Where's Jane?"

"Oh she's at home, there is still quite a bit of unpacking and arranging to be done, but there is also a baseball game on so…" Maura and her father shared a chuckle, "I wanted to come alone, so we could talk."

Elizabeth handed her husband and Maura a glass of wine as they all sat down.

"Is there something we need to talk about?" William asked with an overtly prying curiosity.

Maura couldn't contain the smile, "More something I need to show you," she said as she raised her left hand.

"Congratulations," Elizabeth placed her hand lightly under Maura's chin and kissed her cheek. Her tone was soft but genuine.

"I know Jane came and talked to you, I just needed to know for sure that you were supportive…it's very important to us," Maura fidgeted nervously with the ring as she spoke.

Elizabeth watched with some amusement before placing her hand over Maura's, "I know my behavior in the beginning of your relationship didn't do much to instill confidence in me, but, your father and I are completely supportive of you…of your relationship with Jane."

William set his scotch down on the table next to his seat before catching his wife's disapproving eye and lifting it to slide a coaster underneath, "When Jane came to talk to us about proposing I told her 'welcome to the family,' I meant that Maura, and your mother means it too…now, that grill should be just about ready so you girls don't mind me…I'm sure you have women's things to discuss."

Maura smiled proudly at the spring in her father's step as he carted his supplies out to his new flame spewing domain, she cut her eyes quickly towards her mother, "Your insurance is current isn't it?"

Elizabeth laughed into her wine glass, "Of course, but I had him put the grill in the center of the yard for a reason and…" she pointed to a small fire extinguisher by the door, "…added security, just in case."

"Did Jane tell you about the ring?"

"Of course, that it was her grandmother's…the one you've spent so much time with, that gave you the…" Elizabeth gestured towards her neck, "…the saint medal."

"Yes, Nonna, she's lovely you'll get to meet her at the house warming party."

Elizabeth reached over and took Maura's hand, "That's a very special gesture, Maura."

"I was hoping you might go shopping with me to pick out a ring for Jane, you have such exquisite taste in jewelry," Maura squeezed her mother's hand in return.

Elizabeth set down her wine glass and looked Maura in the eye, her blue eyes seemed softer and less piercing these days Maura mused, "You don't need me to go shopping with you…"

Hurt flashed across Maura's face and she opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by the wave of her mother's hand, "You…don't need to go shopping."

Elizabeth slid her hand from Maura's and began to remove the rings from her left hand.

"Mother…no, I can't…" she protested.

The engagement ring separated from the others, Elizabeth slipped the other bands back on as she pressed the ring firmly into Maura's palm, "This was your grandmother Isles' engagement ring that she gave to your father to propose to me with. Your father and I want you to have it, we want you to give it to Jane. It's a shame she passed away when you were so young, you probably don't even remember her. She was…feisty, quick witted with a sharp tongue, I think she would have liked Jane very much."

They sat in silence for a moment, Elizabeth's hands clasped around Maura's as a light breeze wafted the aroma of hickory chip smoke through the open sun room windows.

"Have I ever told you the story of how your father proposed?"

"No, you haven't." Maura's face lit up with the anticipation of hearing it.

Elizabeth stood and pulled Maura with her as she made her way back into the house, "After every date he took me on, your father would have memorized some little love poem, or snippet of a poem and at some moment towards the end of our evening he always found just the perfect time to recite it to me."

Maura followed her mother into the study as Elizabeth began to peruse one of the shelves, "Elizabeth Barrett Browning was my favorite," she pulled a small hardback book from the shelf, an inconspicuous binding it sat wedged between two much larger volumes of work.

"The one year anniversary of our first date we had a lovely dinner and afterwards we went for a walk around campus, it was Spring Break and no one was around, I could see a small tealight candle on the path ahead of us and as we got to it your father encouraged me to see what it was. There was a slip of paper with a line of poetry written on it under the candle and up ahead another and another and so on, each with a line of poetry."

A red ribbon marked a page and Elizabeth opened it, handing it to Maura as she recited from memory:

"_Say over again, and yet once over again,_

_That thou dost love me. Though the word repeated_

_Should seem a "cuckoo-song," as thou dost treat it._

_Remember, never to the hill or plain,_

_Valley and wood, without her cuckoo-strain_

_Comes the fresh Spring in all her green completed._

_Belovèd, I, amid the darkness greeted_

_By a doubtful spirit-voice, in that doubt's pain_

_Cry, "Speak once more—thou lovest!" Who can fear_

_Too many stars, though each in heaven shall roll,_

_Too many flowers, though each shall crown the year?_

_Say thou dost love me, love me, love me—toll_

_The silver iterance!—only minding, Dear,_

_To love me also in silence with thy soul."*_

"It's beautiful," Maura said, running her fingers over the page.

"The book was at the end of the trail of candles, with that ribbon peeking out of it. When I opened it to the page the ring was tied to the ribbon. Your father got down on one knee and proposed."

Elizabeth lifted the ribbon from the page and the ring from Maura's hand and tied the end around the band, closing the book with the ribbon and ring now hanging on the outside, "Perhaps you'll find your own inspiration somewhere in those pages."

She paused, taking the book once more from Maura and opening it, she scanned a page and then dropped the ring and ribbon inside, closing the book again and returning it to Maura's hands, "Just a suggestion," she added with a wink and a smile.

* * *

><p>The progress made in the hours she had been gone indicated that Jane had foregone watching the baseball game in favor of getting most of the bedroom unpacked. Maura opened the closet to find everything pristinely hung, in the drawers of the dressers all of their clothes neatly folded and arranged. Jane had even set up the top of Maura's vanity just as it had been at her old house.<p>

"You're back," Jane exclaimed with a smile as she emerged from the bathroom, showered and wearing for once a matching pajama set, "well, how did I do?" she asked motioning at the room.

Maura chuckled, "It's perfect, you did a wonderful job."

"How was dinner with your parents," she asked crawling under the covers and eyeing the book Maura was holding.

"My father bought a grill. Your father's Memorial Day barbeque exploits had quite the impact on him."

Jane laughed, "Your mother let your father buy a grill?"

"Mmmhmm," Maura giggled, "He bought the grill, she bought a fire extinguisher."

"Classic." Jane rested one arm behind her head, looking up at Maura and then to the book, "What's that?"

"A gift…from my mother."

"An engagement gift?" Jane added with a smile.

"I guess you could say that, but it's actually for you." Maura looked down to note Jane's quizzical reaction, "Can I read part of it to you?"

Jane sat up, turning to face Maura she wrapped her arms around her knees, "Of course."

"_I lived with visions for my company,_

_Instead of men and women, years ago,_

_And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know_

_A sweeter music than they played to me._

_But soon their trailing purple was not free_

_Of this world's dust, - their lutes did silent grow,_

_And I myself grew faint and blind below_

_Their vanishing eyes. Then THOU didst come ... to be,_

_Belovèd, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,_

_Their songs, their splendours, (better, yet the same,_

_As river-water hallowed into fonts)_

_Met in thee, and from out thee overcame_

_My soul with satisfaction of all wants -_

_Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."**_

When she was finished reading she closed the book, being sure to tug the top of the ribbon out so that it hung noticeably from the page.

"Thank you," Maura started while handing the book to Jane, "For being a greater gift to me than I could have ever imagined receiving."

Jane stroked the exposed tail of the ribbon between her fingers and then noticed something prevented the book from closing all the way. She opened it to find the ring marking the page Maura had just read.

Untying the ribbon, Maura slid the ring onto Jane's finger, "This was my grandmother Isles' engagement ring that my father proposed to my mother with, she wanted me to give it to you."

Maura watched as Jane valiantly fought back tears until she was able to choke out, "I can't believe she'd give this to you, to give to me."

Maura pressed her lips to Jane's, "It took her own unique way to get here but, she loves you Jane, she loves you because you love me."

* * *

><p><strong><em>* - XXI (21) from Sonnets from the Portuguese, Elizabeth Barrett Browning<em>**

**_** - XXVI (26) from Sonnets from the Portuguese, Elizabeth Barrett Browning_**


	13. Guide You Home

**Notes:** Many thanks to all of you who continue to read and comment on the story. If you've been following along with my stories then you know me…can't let too many happy times pass without a little angst, you might need a tissue for this chapter. I apologize in advance.

**CH 13: Guide You Home**

"Whoa! Rizzoli! You still work here?" Frost ended the jest with a wink as he made his way to his partner's desk.

Jane flopped with a contented sigh into her chair, "Knew all that saved up vacation would come in handy someday, but it's good to be back, that moving business is for the birds. In fact, I don't think I'll do it ever again, Maura's just stuck with me now, whatever comes."

Frost shook his head and rolled his eyes, "Right, as if anything could break you two up, you're like…Romeo and Juliet."

Jane shuffled some papers on her desk as she looked up at her partner with a slightly raised eyebrow, "Romeo and Juliet killed themselves…"

"Right…ok, you guys are like Arthur and Guinevere."

Jane snorted, "Guinevere cheated on Arthur with Lancelot…didn't do so hot in English Lit did you Frost?"

Frost hopped off the edge of Jane's desk, "You know what I was trying to say, just for that I think I'll eat the last pastry…I was saving it for you but you can fill yourself in on this case on an empty stomach." He tossed a file onto her desk.

* * *

><p><em>This is not good<em>. Jane stopped just inside the morgue doors and took a bewildered look around. One of the fluorescents had burned out while they were off and had evidently not been reported to maintenance leaving the morgue cast in an unusually dull hue. The smell was off. It wasn't that it smelled bad; in fact it didn't smell like anything. Maura's fastidious cleaning typically left a readily identifiable scent of disinfectant in the air, when there was a lull in work the odor would be even more pungent. Korsak joked that you could eat off the Doc's autopsy table; Jane smirked thinking about the first time he'd said that in front of Frost, it wasn't long after he had transferred in from Robbery and the newbie had nearly wretched in the sink at the mere thought of it.

_Good Lord, the replacement ME must have been Korsak's long lost brother_, Jane laughed to herself as she looked in the unemptied waste can by the microscope table to see it packed full of junk food wrappers.

"I'm never taking vacation time again!" Maura exclaimed as she exited her office in an exasperated tizzy. "Do you see this!" She gestured dramatically.

Jane fought hard to hold back the smirk, save for the burned out light, the softer touch with the disinfectant and the candy wrappers the morgue really didn't look that much different, at least to her.

"Maur, it's really not that bad you know, maintenance can get that light fixed before lunch I'm sure, take the trash out…"

"I can't make heads or tails of Dr. Hargrove's filing system…probably because I'm not sure he had a filing system to speak of!" Maura stomped through the morgue to the filing rack that she had left to hold the open cases Dr. Hargrove oversaw in her absence. "Files here, files on my desk…files…God knows where!"

It started off deep in the pit of her stomach and rumbled up where it hitched in her throat as she tried to stifle it but Maura's irritation at her colleague's treatment of her professional space was too much and Jane finally let the laugh roll out.

"You're laughing at me!" Maura turned with her hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Jane waved her hands wildly trying to calm herself, "…It's just, you know, you're really cute when you're all flustered like this."

"Jane! This is not cute…and it's not funny…"

Jane stalked towards her fiancée, _fiancée_…the word rolled through her mind as it had for the past week, each time sending a light flurry through her chest just as clearly and noticeable as the time before, "No…" she said, her voice dropping lower as it often did when she was being sarcastic, "not funny, not at all."

She wrapped her arms around Maura's waist, pulling her close despite the ME's insincere resistance and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Whoa! Sorry!"

Jane and Maura turned around to see Frost's back to them as he shifted nervously from foot to foot his hands plunged deep into his pockets.

"Didn't mean to interrupt…"

"Jesus Frost, like you've never seen me kiss Maura before, turn around and quit acting like a pussy."

"Jane!" Maura gave her a disapproving look, "Barry, it's ok, Jane was just consoling me due to the state of disrepair Dr. Hargrove has left the morgue in."

Frost glanced around at what looked like a fairly tidy morgue, "Yeah…disrepair. Hargrove, he was…interesting. Definitely not you, Doc."

Maura smiled, "That's very sweet of you. I assume you're down here for the Tox results on the Owens case? I just got the report from the lab not too long ago; I haven't had a chance to read it yet but you and Jane can have a seat in my office and we can take a look."

* * *

><p>Jane spent most of her first day back getting caught up on the details of the Owens double homicide: Alice and Ted Owens, married, mid-fifties…she had poured over Frost and Korsak's notes the day before and spent most of her second morning out with Frost interviewing what seemed like everyone who ever knew the Owens and still no really solid leads.<p>

_Poisoning…had to be someone close to them_…Jane massaged her temples looking around in frustration, perturbed by the unusual level of noise that seemed to be booming in the bullpen. She pulled out her iPod, securing the earbuds she jacked the volume up and hit shuffle. Minutes passed and rolled into an hour as song after song served as background noise. But, a strange feeling began to fall over her, a nagging anxiety that settled in her chest and Jane soon found the case notes and photos had become the background to the song that played through the earphones.

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_I will try to fix you…*_

Jane set the files down, as she noticed the slight tremble that had gripped her hands. She watched the tremor in her fingers and felt it resonate in her throat.

_Tears stream down on your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_Tears stream down on your face_

_And I_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

"Jane! JANIE!"

She didn't hear Frankie until he was right on top of her, yanking the ear bud from her ear.

"Jesus Christ Frankie!" Jane gripped her chest, trying to catch her breath.

"Why haven't you been answering your phone!" He was practically shouting, his eyes wide with a look Jane couldn't remember ever having seen. _Desperation._ Small beads of perspiration dotted his brow and his face was flushed.

Jane stood, "What's going on? What's the matter?"

"We've been trying to call you for over an hour! You have to come to the hospital now, let's go."

Jane began grabbing her keys and phone from the desk, finally noticing the barrage of missed calls, "Just tell me what's going on, has something happened?"

Frankie grabbed Jane's arm and squeezed it desperately, "It's Nonna…it's Nonna, Jane."

"No…" She shoved her keys in her blazer pocket as she rushed with Frankie towards the elevator hitting the speed dial on her phone, "Maura! I need you to meet me outside in the parking lot we have to get to the hospital…just meet me outside!"

* * *

><p>There was barely any sound, only the string of <em>No..no..no<em>… running through her head accompanied by the deep huffs of her own breathing and the tinny clip clops of Maura's heels on the hospital floor beating out a frantic rhythm in her attempt to keep up with Jane. She squeezed Maura's hand tighter and tighter with each stride, glancing over her shoulder every few paces to make sure she was still as if she didn't feel the fine boned digits Maura had painfully but willingly surrendered to her grasp. She was dragging her, nearly yanking her from her feet several times but she plowed ahead down a hallway that seemed to stretch on ad finitum. It didn't even occur to Maura to protest as she focused all of her attention, all of her control on keeping one shaky stiletto moving in front of the other.

Angela stood outside a room at the end of the ward, her eyes swollen and her face streaked with mascara. She waved at them hurriedly as they approached, clutching a tissue to nose and mouth.

"Ma! What's going on? A few days ago Aunt Sophia sad it wasn't anything serious?" Jane grabbed her mother by the shoulders, staring into her eyes begging her to say everything would be alright. _Tell me she'll be alright_.

Angela shook her head, tears rolling in torrents down her face, "The…graft from her abdominal aorta surgery fifteen years ago has degraded. She's bleeding internally…" She was beset by another body-shaking fit of sobbing as Jane pulled her close.

"They'll…they'll do surgery then, everything will be ok right? They can fix it." Jane looked over at Maura, "Tell her Maur, tell her they'll do surgery and everything will be alright!"

Maura's face fell as she placed one hand on Jane's back and one on Angela's, her mouth opened but she couldn't find any words, like every ounce of moisture had been sapped from her lips and tongue; her throat felt swollen and gravely.

"Janie…" Angela choked out through sobs, "There's nothing they can do…"

"No Ma…don't say that," Jane shook her head, gasping for air as she looked up at the ceiling trying to fight back the tears, "don't say that."

"I think she's been holding on to see you, you should go…" Angela steered her towards the room.

Jane reached back grasping for Maura's hand as they entered. It was small, all of the rooms on this end of the cardiac ward were, they weren't intended for extended use and Nonna's was jammed full of the family: Sophia and her husband, Jane's uncle Rob and his wife and several of the cousins they all filed out as Jane entered, leaving only her, Maura, Angela, Frank, Frankie and Tommy in the room.

Maura urged Jane towards the bed where she took a seat, "Nonna?" Jane placed her hand on the elderly woman's pale and ashen arm. _She looks…so frail_. "Nonna? Sono qui, Nonna. I'm here, it's Jane."

Her eyes opened slowly. It was a struggle, but she managed a smile as she looked from Jane to Maura and back.

"It's me, it's Jane. I'm here, Nonna."

Nonna lifted a trembling finger to point at her eye, "Dying…not blind, Janie."

Jane sniffled hard, tears streaking down her face as she shook her head. She squeezed Nonna's hand, "No…"

"Sta bene, il mio cuore. It's ok, my heart. It is time."

It was a marvel, Maura thought, the look of peace, the seeming acceptance. In that moment she no longer felt sadness for Nonna, only for Jane, for the family that would be left behind. She placed her left hand over Jane's left, "Jane…"

Jane looked down, the ring on Maura's finger a small light through the otherwise dark cloud she felt descending on her. She took Maura's hand and lifted it, "Nonna…it was going to be a surprise, we…weren't going to say anything until the house warming party next week. I asked Maura to marry me; we're going to get married."

Jane sniffled again, blinking her eyes rapidly to try and clear her vision. Several tears fell and landed on Maura's hand.

Nonna looked down, her smile widening as she shakily took Maura's hand in her own. Jane placed her left over Maura's so Nonna could see her ring as well, "Took you…long…enough," Nonna wheezed, her eyes fluttering shut though she fought to open them again.

Maura looked at the life support machines and watched through teary eyes as Nonna's vitals continued to decline.

"You know me Nonna, everything on my own time," Jane tried to force a smile but knew she couldn't impart it with any semblance of genuine humor or happiness. It was a façade, and an unconvincing one at that.

"Always…don't ever change," Nonna rasped. She looked over at Maura and tugged on her hand, "Closer…"

Maura leaned down, "Yes Nonna?"

"You take care of my Janie, hmm?"

Maura nodded.

"She's not as tough as she thinks," Nonna smiled.

"I know," Maura whispered.

Nonna looked back to Jane, reaching her free hand up to cup Jane's face, "On my wedding day…your grandfather…searched all morning for wild orchids to make my bouquet, they were my favorite…"

"So bossy, Nonna," Jane managed a small laugh biting her lip, nodding as she looked over at Maura, "Orchids, then." She could barely manage the words; the sadness wasn't just in her eyes burning its release through her tears but everywhere, it had settled deep in her throat as she fought for a deep breath.

"It's ok little one," Nonna's voice had hushed to barely a whisper as her hand stroked down Jane's cheek to rest gently back in her lap, "you make Nonna so proud."

Her lips still faintly curled into a pleasant grin, Nonna's eyes slipped slowly shut. Breath…pause…breath…pause…breath…pause...

Maura reached up and turned the sound off on the monitor as Jane slumped forward, her whole body shaking as she laid her head on Nonna's chest.

* * *

><p>It hurt. Everywhere. In her face, swollen and throbbing from the tears, in the pit of her stomach, empty but to sickened to eat, most of all in the breathless emptiness of her chest with each stabbing beat of her own heart. She dug her fingertips into her temple, but it only created new pain and did nothing to vanquish the dull nagging ache. She barely noticed the mattress dip down as Maura sat on the edge next to her.<p>

A cool touch gently pulled down one of Jane's hands and then the other, replacing them with a gel mask that had been chilled in the freezer. Maura smoothed the mask down with the lightest pressure before running her fingers through Jane's hair and then stroking her cheeks and jaw line with her thumbs.

"Can I get you anything else?" Maura's voice was soft, but there was a comforting strength in it.

Jane let her hand rest over Maura's wrist, "No, I just wanna sleep."

Maura flipped off the lamp on Jane's bedside table and walked around the bed to crawl into her side. She scooted up close to Jane, establishing contact down the length of her fiancee's still slightly trembling body and propped herself up on her elbow as her hand worked in long soothing strokes up one forearm across Jane's chest, over the rise of the opposite shoulder and down the other arm. With an established steady rhythm Maura's touch eased back and forth as she catalogued Jane's breathing, waiting until she was sure sleep had prevailed to remove the gel mask and flip off her own light.

_Il Mio Cuore, Janie…_

Jane shot straight up with a gasp. _Nonna._ She turned her lamp on.

Maura groaned, "Jane?" She sat up, placing her hand on Jane's back, "Is everything ok?"

Jane placed her hand over her heart, the empty pain from earlier was gone. There was still sadness, but a quiet peace accompanied it.

She looked over at Maura, "Yeah…I'm ok…she's ok."

* * *

><p>* <em>Fix You<em> by Coldplay


	14. Sleep Now O Sleep Now

**Notes:** I want to continue to thank everyone who has been following this story and putting up with the emotional rollercoaster…it's still on a bit of a sad tone but I'm sure happier times are ahead!

**CH 14: Sleep Now, O Sleep Now**

The morning alarm startled Jane out of a surprisingly deep sleep. Her arm swung wildly launching the offending cellphone several feet through the air until it crashed to the floor.

_Dammit_. She rubbed at her eyes straining to reach the bedside lamp but Maura's arm wrapped tighter around her waist restraining her.

"You could call in, Cavanaugh would understand," Maura mumbled, nuzzling into Jane's neck.

Jane sighed, "No, I want to go to work. Keep myself occupied with the Owens case, otherwise I'll just be moping around."

She sat up switching on the light and letting her legs dangle off the bed. Her head lolled forward as Maura's thumbs stroked up and down her back. Jane leaned back as Maura's arms enveloped her. There was a strength and confidence in her touch that reminded Jane of that night when they had finally figured out their feelings and fell asleep together on Maura's sofa. Maura's hand snaked up to rest over Jane's heart and the touch was instantly calming.

"I heard her voice last night," Jane said reluctantly, "When I woke up and turned on the light…it was because I heard her voice. She said my name. That's crazy right?"

Maura let her head ease down to the side to rest against Jane's, "No, it's not crazy."

"It was so real. Like she was standing right there by the bed. I could almost feel her. It was probably some waking dream all in my head thing right?" Jane craned her head looking to Maura for some kind of explanation.

Maura paused, closing her eyes. The only sound was her breath alternating with Jane's.

"If you would have asked me that a couple of years ago, I probably would have said yes, that it was just a dream, a creation of your subconscious. But…you sensed I was in danger with Kearns, and you knew something strange was coming before we met Tara…you seem to have a deep connection to certain people. I can't say if what you heard last night was a figment of your imagination or if it was Nonna's…spirit. I'd like to think it was her, reaching out to you and letting you know that she is at peace."

Jane smiled, "I'd like to think that too. That would sort of be Nonna's style you know? Creeping me out from beyond the grave."

Maura laughed placing a kiss on Jane's temple, "She was a unique woman. I feel very privileged to have gotten to know her even if for only a few months."

Jane sat up, turning to face Maura she took her left hand and looked at the ring, "Do you know how many people in my family have asked for this ring when they proposed to their wives? Or were hoping to get it one day?"

Maura watched Jane's finger glide over her hand and circle the ring. She bit down on her lower lip and shook her head no.

"Pretty much everyone. She wouldn't give it to my uncle, or any of my cousins," Jane looked up and met Maura's gaze, "She loved you. That day you took her to the Bonsai tree thing at the garden, she went on and on about that. She knew. She knew, probably from the first time she met you that I'd be sitting here holding your hand with this ring on your finger. She knew when I was still too scared to admit it to myself."

"A wise woman," Maura added with a smirk.

* * *

><p>The flowers on the desk caught her eye as soon as she stepped in the bullpen. Orange day lilies and baby's breath, they popped against the normal blue, grey and brown hues of the room around them. Frost looked up from his desk, a mixture of surprise and sympathy on his face.<p>

"Hey, we didn't know if you'd come in today," he stood up and walked towards Jane hesitantly, unsure if a hug was appropriate or even wanted but it seemed right so he opened his arms and gave Jane a quick squeeze and pat on the back, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Thanks," her voice was raspy from the previous night's tears.

"My grandmother passed away about five years ago, cancer, we were all there with her," Frost plunged one hand into his pocket as he spoke the other reached out and flicked one of the lily's leaves.

"The one who taught you to make the pimento stuff," Jane interjected with a smile.

Frost laughed, nodding, "Yeah…that's just it, remembering little things like that you know. It helps, it helped me…when I would think about her after she died and she was so sick and those last few days she didn't even look like herself and I wanted to get that picture out of my head you know…"

Jane nodded as she looked at Frost, his eyes imbued with a softness, a sentimentality she hadn't seen before. He sat on the edge of her desk, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"I remember this one time, this is my favorite memory of her…" he looked at Jane, shaking his head trying to quell the laughter that was brewing, "…there was gonna be a bake sale at the church and she must have spent all morning making every kind of pie you can think of. My brother and I, we were young I don't now I was like 5 I guess so he was about 7, we snuck into the kitchen and there are all these pies everywhere, up on the counters…"

Jane started to chuckle, imagining a five year old Barry Frost, head no higher than the lip of the counter top peering up at forbidden pastries.

"My brother slid the step stool over so we could climb up on the counter and just as we were in the act Gram came back in the kitchen and we panicked…of course…fell off the counter taking about three pies with us. This giant lemon meringue pie landed right on my head. I mean I had pie filling and meringue dripping down my face. We froze, we just knew she was going to kill us…"

"Well, you're sitting here," Jane observed, laughing.

"Gram started laughing, like the heartiest laugh I've ever heard. If I close my eyes and try really hard I can hear exactly what it sounded like. She walked over and picked me up, sat me on the counter, and then washed me off in the sink. That was the day Gram taught me how to make lemon meringue pie."

Jane smiled and looked at her partner, "So…you can make lemon meringue pie?"

"Ha, yeah, I can make lemon meringue pie."

"Holding out on me Frost!" Jane joked as she gave him a little jab in the arm.

"So, what's yours…favorite memory?"

"Gah," Jane took a deep breath as she thought, "there are so many, if I had to pick one from being a kid…you know it was my Nonna who taught me how to play baseball?"

Frost laughed, "Really? You know I should be surprised but somehow I'm not."

"Yeah, she used to take me and Frankie and Tommy to the park with a bat and a ball, when we were really little it was one of those big red plastic Playskool bats and like a giant wiffle ball," Jane's voice hitched as she fought a tear, "Nonna would pitch and we would hit. I was so bad when we first started playing."

"Nah, nah, now that I can't believe. Jane Rizzoli came out the womb swinging like Babe Ruth," Frost gave her a little shove with his elbow.

"No, it's true, I couldn't hit the ball to save my life. Tommy and Frankie were hitting it right and left and one day I got so frustrated and I started to cry. Nonna came over and knelt down in front of me and asked me why I was crying, and I said she was throwing the ball too fast and I couldn't hit it. She said she was throwing it just the same for me as she was for Tommy and Frankie. And I said, but Nonna, I'm a girl," Jane paused, her eyes closed as she recollected that day in the park, the cloudless sky and a slight breeze blowing from right to left, Nonna wore a blue dress and had kicked off her canvas sneakers.

"She told me, being a girl is no excuse and it's not a handicap and that there was no reason I couldn't hit the same ball as Frankie and Tommy."

"And did you hit the next pitch?" Frost asked.

"Nope, nor the next one or the one after that or the one after that. But I didn't stop trying to hit them, and I swung that bat just as hard if not harder each time and finally, one day I did start hitting them."

Jane paused again, Nonna's voice from that day ringing through her memory, _Brava il mio cuore, Brava!_

"Thanks Frost," Jane placed her hand on her partner's shoulder.

"Anytime, partner."

"Now, what do you say we find out who killed Mr. and Mrs. Owens?" Jane slid off her desk and headed towards the coffee machine.

* * *

><p>Was there a break in the heat or was it just her imagination? Joe Friday skipped along less bedraggled and oppressed by the humidity than on other evening walks of late it seemed. Maybe she was just enjoying the time alone, save for the company of the little terrier straining against the leash, time to think, to reminisce. Every few steps a different memory resurfaced and by the time she reached the front door her face was damp, not from sweat but from tears. She smiled as she wiped the moisture away, laughing at how she could be both sad yet warmed by vignettes not thought of for so many years. Jane stepped in the door to see her mother holding Maura's hand as they sat on the sofa together.<p>

"Hey Ma…" Jane unsnapped Joe's leash as the little dog darted straight for the water bowl in the kitchen.

Angela smiled, despite having on no makeup and her eyes being puffy from crying she looked for the moment genuinely happy as she squeezed Maura's hand, "I can't believe you were able to hide this from me for over a week!"

Jane sat down on the sofa next to her mother, "We wanted it to be surprise, to tell the whole family all at once…"

Angela nodded, "I know…I'm glad you were able to tell her…" her voice trailed off as tears welled up in her eyes.

"I am too," Jane put her arm around her mother and pulled her into an embrace.

Angela's sobbing stilled in the comfort of daughter's arms, "I love you Janie," she whispered as they separated.

"I love you too Ma."

"I can't believe you're finally getting married," Angela cracked a smile, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, "it's like my dreams are finally coming true."

Jane laughed unabashedly, "Really Ma? I somehow doubt in your fantasy wedding dreams Pa walks me down the aisle and gives me away to another woman."

Angela straightened up, "In my dreams your father walks you down the aisle and gives you away to someone who loves you unconditionally, who can take care of you when you need to be taken care of and who I'm proud to consider a member of our family…" she turned and placed her hand on Maura's cheek, "…you are everything I dreamed of for Jane, and more."

* * *

><p>The warm water rapped against her upper back, a barrage of staccato drops beating out a light massage then sliding in a wet sheet down her spine to the tub basin before swirling down the drain. Steam clouded the air. She inhaled a deep breath of it and felt the tingling in her lungs. Jane rested her cheek on her knee, pulling her legs in closer she thought she could almost slip off to sleep while sitting in the shower.<p>

Maura opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, "Jane?"

"Yeah."

She walked towards the sliding glass door, "Are you almost done? You've been in there for a quite a while."

"No."

Maura shed her clothes and slid the door back looking at Jane sitting in the floor of the shower as she stepped in.

Jane looked up, "Help yourself."

Silence prevailed and Jane closed her eyes once again focusing on her breathing, this time her inhalations were tinged with the floral notes of shampoo and body wash as Maura bathed behind her. Her eyes flashed open as she felt two hands begin to massage through her hair.

"Maur, I can wash my own hair."

"Then do it, you're going to make us late for the funeral," she spoke the words but her hands didn't relent on working the shampoo through Jane's saturated tresses.

Despite her initial protest, Jane sat still and let Maura continue, "I don't want to go."

"You have to go."

Jane sighed, "I didn't say I wasn't going to go, I said I don't want to go. I hate funerals."

"No one likes funerals, Jane," Maura grabbed her under her arms and urged her to stand, guiding her back under the showerhead to rinse out the shampoo as she began to gently scrub Jane's torso with the loofa.

"Everyone will be crying," Jane reached for the conditioner and began to work it through her hair, widening her stance as Maura began to bathe her lower body.

"Crying in front of your loved ones doesn't make you weak, you've cried in front of me and you know that I think you're the strongest person I've ever known," Maura placed her palm over the entry wound scar as her thumb slid effortlessly back and forth across Jane's slick skin.

"I just feel like, not everyone can cry you know? Someone needs to have themselves together; someone has to be the strong one," Jane slumped forward wrapping her arms around Maura as her face rested in the crook of the shorter woman's neck.

Jane closed her eyes and sighed as she felt Maura's circular motions with the loofa continue soothingly across her back.

"Let it be me, Jane. Let me be the strong one this time," Maura whispered into her ear as the loofa slipped from her hand, her fingers curling into Jane's skin as she held her tightly against the tremors a new volley of tears wrought.

* * *

><p>Jane smiled graciously as she and Maura walked into the church, her fellow officers reaching out as she passed to pat her on the back, squeeze her shoulder or pull her into a bear hug as Gretchen had done.<p>

Angela was already crying and Frank looked weary from comforting her. He had stepped aside and it seemed Tommy had now assumed that duty.

"Ma," Jane's voice started to quiver as she spoke, "Ma…can I talk to you for just a sec?"

Jane pulled her mother aside and waited while Angela composed herself enough to listen, "Ma, I just wanted to let you know that…" she paused as her own tears began to resurface, "…when…it's time for communion…ah, man…" she couldn't get the words out. Jane pinched the bridge of her nose trying to fight the emotion.

"Jane…do you want me to?" Maura's voice was soft but unwavering as her hand rubbed up and down Jane's back. Jane nodded.

Maura reached for Angela's hand, "What Jane is trying to say is that when it comes time for communion, she won't be going up with the family because Father Tuohy refused to give her communion on Christmas Eve…because…of our relationship. And she wanted you to know ahead of time."

As if a switch had been flipped Angela's tears stopped abruptly, her face hardening as her brow furrowed, "Nonsense, of course you're taking communion with the family."

Jane took a deep breath as she reached for Maura's hand, "Ma…did you not just hear…"

"I heard exactly what Maura just said," Angela turned on her heels and made her way out of the sanctuary.

* * *

><p>The service seemed interminably long, every minute that ticked by excruciating as Jane fought herself. She tried not to listen to the Reverend, even the most generic words of common funeral eulogizing brought stinging tears. The crying didn't even bother her anymore; it was the accompanying drainage from her sinuses that was growing excessive. It was making her choke; making her lightheaded from the lack of sufficient air. She felt sorry for Maura who handed her tissue after tissue as she squeezed her hand in a vice grip, as if she squeezed Maura's hand all the tighter it would put down the next volley of sobs. It didn't, but she squeezed it anyway and Maura let her. Father Tuohy's mention of her name reminded her that there was a real world around her, until then her own thoughts had done a fairly decent job of making the church seem empty. Jane grabbed another handful of tissues, shoving them in her blazer pocket as she walked morosely toward the reading lectern.<p>

Jane adjusted the microphone and unfolded a slip of paper, "When I was asked to say a few words about my Nonna, at first I said no. I was afraid…I didn't want everyone to see me cry. This morning, my fiancée, Maura, most of you probably know her, she's a lot better with words than I am I'm sure if she were standing up here she could give a really beautiful eulogy and you would all applaud. But, I guess you're stuck with me…" Jane smiled as a little chuckle rolled through the congregation.

"This morning, Maura reminded me that this wasn't about me and whether I cried because I see now that we're all crying, so we can all look ridiculous together. She reminded me that it was about Nonna. And I thought about that and I decided I would get up here and speak because…Nonna would hate this…this whole eulogy thing, but if it had to happen and I guess it does, I know she'd want me to do it. Because Nonna always pushed me to do things I didn't think I could do, and in the end I was always a better person for it…" Jane's voice trailed off as she paused to blot the tide of tears.

"I was with her when she passed and she looked at me and told me that it was ok, that it was time. I didn't want to believe that that was true; I couldn't feel that it was. But, that night I woke up from a deep sleep because I heard her voice. I could swear I heard her voice, like she was standing right next to me and I don't know if it was a dream or if it was some part of her there but I felt at peace in my heart after that. I'm still sad. We're all sad. But, I'm not sad for Nonna and I don't worry about where she is…because I feel that, deep down I know where she is and I know she's ok and she looks like the Nonna we've all seen in her old photos from before the war and she's with Poppa now and she has her garden back…" Tears dotted the paper Jane held in her trembling hands as she turned her head to avoid sniffling loudly into the microphone.

"The last thing…she said to me…was that I made her proud. I hope standing up here today has made her proud and that I keep making her proud. I want to conclude with a poem, I've taken to reading poetry lately…I'm sure my brothers will tease me about that later…" Jane laughed as she glanced over at Maura who dabbed a tear from the corner of her eye, "…I read this one the other night and it stuck with me:

_Sleep now, O sleep now, _

_O you unquiet heart! _

_A voice crying "Sleep now" _

_Is heard in my heart. _

_The voice of the winter _

_Is heard at the door. _

_O sleep, for the winter _

_Is crying "Sleep no more." _

_My kiss will give peace now _

_And quiet to your heart - - _

_Sleep on in peace now, _

_O you unquiet heart!"*_

Jane returned to her pew, nods of approval from her family welcoming her. Maura's arm slipped around her waist as she sat.

"She would be proud," Maura whispered.

The family rose for communion and Jane once again tightened her grip on Maura's hand, remaining firmly seated, looking up only when nudged by Maura to see that Angela had stepped up next to her, her hand extended.

"Come with your family, Jane," Angela said.

"Maura…?" Jane whispered to her mother.

"Both of you," Angela replied.

They made their way to the altar rail and kneeled. Jane felt her heart pounding as Father Tuohy and the Associate Priest worked their way down. She watched as Father Tuohy placed the host in Angela's hand and then as she drank from the chalice. Her mother's steely-eyed look at the Reverend was hard to miss as they moved next to Jane. Jane looked at her mother and emboldened by her nod cupped her hands and lifted them. The Associate Priest, who Jane was not familiar with, stepped forward and placed the host in her hands, the acolyte then presenting her with the wine chalice.

Jane looked at Maura, "You don't have to…" she whispered.

Maura cupped her right hand in her left and lifted them towards the priest, "I want to."

* * *

><p>* <em>"Sleep Now, O Sleep Now"<em> ~ James Joyce


	15. Moving Forward

**Notes:** Thank you for all the reviews! The last two chapters have been a little sad, so I tried to lighten it up for you all a bit this chapter ;)

**CH 15: Moving Forward**

The late afternoon sun cast a mottled pattern on the studio floor as it strained through tree branches and around neighboring buildings to filter through the window. Jane sat on the sofa, the framed photo of her, Maura and Nonna from their Memorial Day cookout resting on her lap. She was lost in memories and completely oblivious to the soft creak of the stairs as Maura ascended them.

"Jane?"

She startled, "Geez Maur, you're getting really good at this sneaking up on me thing."

Maura sat down on the sofa looking over Jane's shoulder at the photo, "I loved that day."

"Mmmhmm," Jane nodded, running her finger over the image of Nonna.

"It was the first time you're extended family and my parents were all together and Tara was there," Maura continued, "it was a very good day. She told me a funny story about you." Maura paused her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Oh no, do I even want to know?" Jane chuckled as she turned, swinging her legs over Maura's lap.

"She said there was one particular Memorial Day cookout that she would never forget, you were four or five…"

"Oh God…" Jane threw her arm over her face, "…please tell me she didn't tell you about the great cannoli debacle…"

Maura laughed, "She did."

"For the record," Jane waved her finger in the air, "I did not suck the cream out of ALL of the cannolis, there was at least one tray left."

Jane tried to hold a straight face but soon they were both laughing, nearly to the point of tears before Jane croaked out, "I don't think I've ever been so sick in my whole life. It was like, a year before I could look at another cannoli…Nonna always made the best cannoli, Ma's never been able to duplicate them. If you ever tell Ma I said that, I'll divorce you."

Maura stood, leaned over and placed a light kiss on Jane's lips and added with a sly smile, "We're not married yet. Now, up and at 'em people should be arriving soon."

* * *

><p>Poor Bass had been sequestered in the master bath for the sake of his reptilian sanity and Joe was mercifully crated in there with him, safe from the ear-pulling fetishes of Jane's cousins' little hoodlums. The cantankerous din of Angela's clan made it nearly impossible to even hear the doorbell but Jane wove her way through the sea of Italians to the door, pausing to look back at Maura who was giving an Oscar-worthy performance of not being scared out of her mind that something would get broken as the children tore circles around the house.<p>

"Happy house warming!" Frost greeted as Jane opened the door, "Lemon Meringue Pie," he announced waving the covered dish in front of Jane, "and pimento cheese finger sandwiches, with….jalapeno! I expect you to try one of those."

Frost disappeared into the sea of people and Jane jumped as an arm swung around her neck, "Great party, Sis," Frankie mused, a plate of finger foods in his free hand, his cheek bulging out like a squirrel packing away a snack for later.

"Eww, don't talk with your mouth full," Jane chastised.

With one big gulp Frankie downed the mouthful, "Sorry, food's really good. Mrs. Isles brought these little quiche things…you gotta try the little quiche things. Can Maura make them? Because you should totally have Maura make them…like…all the time, and bring me some at work."

Jane laughed, throwing her arm around her brother's waist with a squeeze, "Get your own fiancé with baby quiche making in-laws." Jane plucked one of the quiche from Frankie's plate and popped it in her mouth, "Damn," she mumbled, "that is freaking delicious."

"Told you." Frankie smiled, "You…doing ok, you know, considering?"

Jane nodded, "Yeah, I mean I wish she was here, obviously, right this moment in the thick of all this activity, telling her stories and sneaking to the back with me for a shot of booze behind Aunt Sophia's back…" they both laughed at Nonna's penchant for a little nip on the sly, "…and eating baby quiche…" Jane winked, "and I wish that she was going to be here…tomorrow, or the week after or months from now when Maura and I get married."

"Yeah, but you know part of her is here," Frankie smiled as he said it, content in its truth.

"Frankie, can I say something without you teasing me about being all sappy?" Jane looked at her brother, looked at the man that was standing next to her that until recently had still seemed like the nagging little kid that tailed after her for so many years.

His eyebrow quirked and he looked at her skeptically, "Yeah…I….guess."

"I'm proud of you little brother. You've grown up to be a good man, and I'm just proud of you," Jane pulled Frankie towards her and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Frankie blushed, glancing down at the floor momentarily before looking at Jane, "Thanks, don't think I'd be half the guy I am today though if I hadn't had such a great big sister to tag along after…anyway, enough with the mushy stuff, I need more baby quiche."

* * *

><p>Jane stood across the room, chatting with Gretchen, Deena, Michelle, Cherise and Sarah, though she kept stealing quick glances in Maura's direction where her fiancé stood with both sets of parents, Frost and Korsak. The topic of conversation was undoubtedly humorous as everyone laughed intermittently, Korsak's deep chuckle booming over the rest. When Maura laughed a swath of hair tumbled from its spot and settled in front of her face but had little time to rest before a delicate hand swept it back. She caught Jane staring from across the room and smiled.<p>

_You, Jane Rizzoli, are one seriously and undeservingly lucky woman._ Jane excused herself from the circle of women officers that had become her friends and made her way over to Maura, circling around behind her and wrapping her arms around the delicate waist further cinched in by a decorative wide leather vermillion belt that stood out strikingly against a navy blue dress. _You know what vermillion is because of this woman, if that's not love…_

"Try this…" Maura held a bite of something up to Jane's mouth, which she dutifully accepted.

"Mmm, it's good, what is it?" Jane looked down at the plate Maura held to see if there were any other morsels she could scavenge.

Frost crossed his arms with satisfaction, "My pimento cheese sandwich, thank you very much."

_He got me._ Jane rolled her eyes, "Ok, ok, you win…it's good, when do I get some of that pie you brought?"

Glasses of champagne started to circulate through the crowd and soon the attention-grabbing ping of a utensil on the side of a glass hushed the raucous gathering. Everyone turned as Judith Isles raised her glass, "I'm not generally one for making speeches, so I'll try and keep this brief. I think if we all look back on the last year, for many of us it has been one full of some of the worst times but also some of the best times in our lives. Particularly in the past week, Jane and her family have suffered a very sad loss, but from the stories I have heard about Nonna I think that she would be glad to see everyone here today, not only reminiscing fondly about her life but celebrating Jane and Maura, their new home, their engagement and the lovely future they have ahead. Congratulations, to my daughter and my future daughter-in-law."

Cheers of congratulations rang out as everyone toasted.

* * *

><p>The party raged on, neither Jane's family nor any of the officers in attendance were one to bow out when there was still food to be eaten and booze to be drunk. Maura gratefully noticed that the various trays of fresh vegetables, which paired with the numerous dips and spreads were getting low and she seized the moment to slip into the deserted kitchen. It was a welcome moment of quiet save for the gentle thump of the knife slicing through celery as it met the cutting board. Jane had wanted to cancel the party, but Maura insisted it would be good for her, and as she had watched Jane smile and laugh over the past few hours for the first time since Nonna's passing she knew it had been the right choice; though, it didn't make the unique combination of her parents, Jane's family and what seemed like half the force any less socially exhausting.<p>

A light touch on the back of her leg stirred Maura abruptly from her musings, her vegetable chopping having proceeded largely on autopilot. She looked down to see cousin Carlo's 18 month old daughter Cecilia standing at her side. The little girl had tight brunette ringlet curls and doe eyes like saucers. She stood with her thumb in her mouth and looked up at Maura, trying desperately to steady her exhausted little body by holding onto Maura's leg. Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment and then opened again. Maura looked towards the door expecting someone to come in after her any minute but the animated conversations continued boisterously from the living room and no one seemed to be tailing the toddler.

She'd never had much experience with small children as she looked down at Cecilia, her heart pounded as she wondered what exactly the little girl wanted. Cecilia removed her thumb from her mouth and extended her hand upwards.

"What…I'm not sure I know what you want…" Maura said as she laid the knife down on the cutting board and knelt.

Cecilia walked a few sleepy steps forwarded pressing her face into Maura's shoulder as her tiny hands sought a grip on whatever skin or clothing they could find.

"Oh…I think I understand," Maura whispered as she stood lifting the little girl into her arms.

She tensed up, half expecting the child to start crying or screaming in protest but instead a tiny thumb made it's way back into the comfort of a small mouth as Cecilia's head came to rest in the crook of Maura's neck. Maura paused, unsure of what to do next but as she felt the toddler's breath even, the gentle thumb-sucking noise cease and her free hand relax falling from its grip on the strap of her dress Maura herself relaxed. With Cecilia firmly ensconced on her left hip, Maura returned to her vegetables, chopping more slowly due to being restricted to one hand, and more quietly so that the sound of the knife meeting the wooden board didn't wake the toddler.

"Hey Mau…" Jane caught herself as soon as Maura shot her a silencing glare over her shoulder.

She walked as quietly as possible the rest of the way through the kitchen towards her fiancé and her little cousin, "Sorry," she whispered, "I came to see if you had those vegetables ready."

Maura nodded causing Jane to smile, "You can talk you know, it won't wake her up, I promise. When they get this tired they're like practically corpses…" Maura glared at her, "Ok, bad analogy," Jane conceded.

They both began to rearrange the freshly cut produce on trays, Jane unable to stop herself from glancing intermittently at Maura and smiling.

"What?" Maura finally asked.

"It's…I think it's the first time I've seen you interact with any of the little kids. Do you want me to take her? I can find Carlo or put her down in the bedroom."

Maura cut her eyes towards the serene face resting on her shoulder, "No, she's fine."

* * *

><p>The last of the guests finally left, Jane's cousin Carlo lifting his still sleeping daughter from Maura's arms. As she locked the door behind them, Maura let out a cleansing sigh of relief before turning and immediately tensing up as she viewed the remains of the party strewn about the house.<p>

"No, no, don't even look at it. We're leaving it all until tomorrow," Jane said stepping in front of Maura to block her view as she pulled her into an embrace, her lips resting softly against Maura's forehead.

"We really should try to…" Maura began to protest.

"Nope." Jane took Maura's hand and led her back to the bedroom. "How's your arm?" Jane asked with a chuckle as she unfastened the belt around Maura's dress and then reached around behind her to slide the zipper down.

"Numb," came Maura's reply as she let the dress fall without a care to the floor. She stepped out of the garment and watched with amusement as Jane reached down to retrieve it taking it to the closet to hang up.

Maura unhooked her bra and began rooting through her dresser for some sleepwear when Jane's arms snaked around her as she placed soft kisses on her neck, "Don't put anything on," Jane whispered huskily.

Jane led her to the bed and urged her to lie down. Maura complied, pulling the covers back and lying face down; she tilted her head to the side so she could watch Jane move around the room. She removed her own blouse and dress slacks, hanging them, then her bra before she slipped on a lightweight tank top that had been draped across the side of the clothes hamper from the previous night. Maura watched as Jane extricated a bag from the closet and walked towards the bed. She set a candle on each bedside table and lit them, turning off the lamps so that the room was awash in only the faintest orange glow.

Maura smiled and closed her eyes as the soft lavender scent began to permeate the air. She allowed the woman sitting beside her on the bed to pull her arms out from under her chin and be positioned at her side. Long fingers threaded through her hair, scratching softly and kneading comfortingly at her scalp as her hair was twisted into a loose bun and affixed with a hair tie.

She couldn't contain the hum that rumbled deep in her throat as a warm oil found its way to the middle of her back right between her shoulder blades, followed quickly by deft hands that spread the oil around before strong thumbs began to work it deeply into her skin.

Time had no meaning as Jane worked from Maura's neck, across her shoulders and over every square inch of her back down to the hem of her lace panties. It could have been seconds, minutes, an hour could have passed as Maura relished the touch, the way Jane's strong and rough yet sensual hands turned her skin into putty. She felt like clay under those hands.

"Over," Jane commanded softly but sternly.

Maura rolled onto her back, eyes finally opening, lazily, half asleep from the relaxation of the massage. Jane leaned down, their lips tangling together though only briefly before she applied more oil to her hands and began working across Maura's collarbone and down first her right arm.

Slick hands stroked up two well-treated arms, over a well-oiled chest and down across ample breasts. Maura smiled, taking in a short breath as Jane's palms and fingertips caressed over her nipples. Her ministrations over Maura's ribs were light, being careful to avoid ticklish spots. Jane couldn't resist moving back to Maura's breasts, palming them reverently, circling pert nipples with her thumbs.

"Jane…" Maura whispered, voice barely audible, her hands coming to rest on top of Jane's, halting her very intimate massage, "…you're going to make me wet."

Jane laughed under her breath, freeing her hands from underneath Maura's as she laced their fingers together and drew her fiance's hands back down to her sides, "And that's a problem?" she asked coyly, leaning down to draw one of those pert nipples into her mouth sucking gently as her tongue caressed around it.

Maura moaned softly as Jane released the nipple and eased her panties off, discarding them on the floor. She settled in between Maura's legs and smiled at her handy work, "Too late," she whispered before letting her tongue slide through Maura's slick folds.

Her tongue worked up and down to encouraging hums, superficially at first, dancing around the most sensitive areas before finally plunging in more deeply causing the hips her hands were holding onto to rise and begin to roll. She could sense Maura's exhaustion and knew not to tease her too long, her tongue finally withdrawing in order to circle and flick across Maura's clit. Maura gasped, tightening her grip on the sheets as Jane covered the hardened nub with her mouth, sucking vigorously as she brought the writhing body above her to an unusually quick release.

Maura's legs relaxed, falling back pliantly to the bed as Jane crawled up by her side, bringing the covers with her. Sliding one arm under her neck and wrapping the other around her waist, Jane pulled Maura's spent body into her arms, her head coming to rest on Jane's chest with a fulfilled exhalation of breath before she drifted off almost immediately to sleep.

"Happy house-warming," Jane whispered with a smile as she closed her eyes.


	16. Fantasies

**Notes:** Just another set of thanks to all of you that have been following along! Also really appreciating the reviews, I love hearing our opinions, thoughts, hopes for future chapters etc!

**CH 16: Fantasies**

_Fingertips started in honey brown locks, separating silky chunks and sliding into them, twirling the strands loosely and letting them fall away when the fingers withdrew to start back at the top and rake through the tresses again. Hair was delightful but skin was better, soft and smooth and slightly damp with perspiration. Her fingers swept the hair aside and ghosted across the back of a neck and over a shoulder, pausing to feel the rise and fall of the scapula as the form under her hand moved. A searing tongue circled her nipple before teeth gently nipped at the tender flesh of her breast, her back arched and those fingers curled and dug into that soft shoulder before scratching down an already flushed back. They drug more softly in reverse tracing the center dip over the spine of the delicate body that was working on top of her._

_Lower, she pleaded. Both hands winding again in the honey brown hair and lifting the head from her well-pleasured nipple to impart to the hazel eyes that looked back, lower. The body complied, slinking down the length of her, full breasts dragging erotically over her abdomen and then the tops of her thighs before settling down between spread legs. The hazel eyes glistened, and her breath hitched as she watched a tongue dart out to wet lips that were about to devour her…_

"Detective Rizzoli…Detective Jane Rizzoli?"

_Fuck._ Jane's eyes snapped open as she inhaled sharply. She looked up where the courtroom clerk stood in the doorway.

"Here, right here," Jane said as she stood, buttoning her suit jacket and adjusting her collar as she hoped she wasn't too flushed from the very vivid dream.

* * *

><p>Jane shifted from foot to foot in the elevator, the earlier dream of Maura still lingering not so much in the back of her mind but taking over every part of it. <em>Jesus Rizzoli, it's like you're regressing into some kind of horny teenager.<em> She laughed at herself and shook her head. It was just one of those days, one of those days where nothing but the feel of Maura's bare skin in her hands would do. She hopped off the elevator and entered the morgue.

"Hi Detective," John, one of the lab techs greeted her as he jotted down a few notes in a file he was working on.

"Hey John," her reply was hurried, more a formality as she streaked towards Maura's office. It was almost five; perhaps she could talk her fiancé into skipping out a few minutes early and heading home.

"Oh, Detective, Dr. Isles already left for the day," John called out, turning around on his stool, "I think she tried to leave you a message but she said your phone was off or something."

Jane spun around, _already left for the day – even better_, "Well ok then, thanks John."

"Have a good night Detective," he called out as the doors swung open and the dark haired black suited form flew through them.

_Oh, I will John, I will._

* * *

><p>It took three tries before Jane could get the front door unlocked, she was running on nothing but sex drive and it was nearly making her nonfunctional. Once inside she could see the back of Maura's head as she was sitting on the sofa, some National Geographic documentary droned on in the background. Jane reached for the buttons of her shirt as she rounded the sofa…<p>

_What the…_

Maura looked up with a smile, her fingers stroking through Cecilia's curly brown hair as the toddler snoozed placidly in her arms, face buried in Maura's neck, "Did you get my message?"

Jane's face fell as her fingers jerked away from the top button of her shirt, "No," she answered taking a seat on the sofa next to Maura as she gritted her teeth and crossed her legs.

"The birth mother went into labor, Carlo and Madeline had to rush to the hospital and your mother and Aunt went with them so they called to ask if we could watch Cecilia for the evening."

"So, we're babysitting?" Jane asked, trying to contain the eyeroll she felt brewing. Maura nodded.

_Just great._

"Why did Carlo and Madeline decide to adopt?" Cecilia stirred and Maura looked down, rubbing the toddler's back until she quieted.

"Uh, when they did the C-section to deliver Cecilia they found tumors on Madeline's ovaries or something, had to remove them so they said she'd never be able to have any more kids…or something like that, I don't remember all of the details," Jane propped her head up and watched Maura stroke her little cousin's back in a light circular motion.

"How was your day, court?" Maura asked, flipping the television off.

"Frustrating," came Jane's curt reply.

"Your testimony didn't go well?"

"No it went fine," Jane sighed, closing her eyes as Maura reached out to still the finger that was nervously twisting a dark brown lock of hair.

"So why was it frustrating?" Maura stared intently, waiting for Jane to answer.

"I…umm, had a somewhat naughty dream about you while I was waiting to be called," Jane finally admitted, her face blushing.

"Really?" Maura teased.

"And I was kind of hoping I could just get home and get you straight into bed, but…" she motioned at Cecilia as she stood and walked to the kitchen.

Jane closed her eyes and let the cool air of the fridge blast in her face as her hand lingered on the long neck of a cold beer bottle. Two hands came from behind and settled on her hips and a light breath rolled across her neck and ear as she stood.

"So, you were hoping I could help relieve that frustration," Maura whispered.

Jane turned and moaned as Maura's lips immediately found hers, Maura's tongue sliding across her lower lip and into Jane's waiting mouth. Teeth connected with aching flesh and sent a jolt through her body.

"I never did get to repay you for my house-warming present over the weekend," Maura whispered, her voice low and sultry as she kissed and sucked a trail down Jane's neck, her hand snaking under the pulled out dress shirt to tease hard nipples through a cotton bra.

Jane tilted her head back, using the counter to hold herself up as her body trembled with anticipation. Maura's hands moved to her belt and Jane grabbed them in a panic.

"We…we…can't…you know…do it with my little cousin in the house!" She whispered, nodding her head in the direction of the living room as her eyes grew wide.

Maura paused and looked back at her, at first confused and then trying to stifle a laugh, "Why on earth not? She's asleep. Besides, you don't think we'll still have sex when we have kids some day?"

"When we have kids?" Jane questioned as she quirked an eyebrow.

"You don't want kids?" Maura's hands fell away from Jane's belt.

"No…I mean, not no, as in 'no,' but as in I guess I hadn't really thought about it. Do you…want kids?" Jane reached for Maura's hands and took them gently in her own.

"I guess I hadn't really thought of myself as ever having kids until I held Cecilia at the party and she fell asleep in my arms and it…it just felt very nice and I thought that maybe, yes, at some point, not anytime soon, right now I just want to enjoy our time together, but at some point I might like to have a child," Maura looked into Jane's eyes, and waited with anticipation for a response. _What if she doesn't want kids?_

Jane cupped Maura's face in her hands and leaned forward placing a soft kiss on her lips, "I'd have kids with you Maura," Jane smiled, "As long as, I don't have to…" she motioned to her stomach, "you know, be the pregnant one."

"Deal," Maura laughed leaning into Jane's body as she reinitiated a passionate kiss her hands not accepting no for an answer as she began to unbutton Jane's shirt, "Now, would you please let me help you with that little dream you had?"

"You're sure she's asleep?" Jane asked as she kicked off her heels so that the pants that were soon to be around her ankles could be shed completely.

"Positive," Maura unfastened Jane's belt and pulled her pants and underwear down in one swift motion, "Now, in this dream?"

Jane let her shirt fall to the floor as she reached back and unhooked her bra, "You, umm, were doing some amazing things with your tongue on my nipple…"

Maura smiled, "Like this?" She leaned in and flicked the pert nub with her tongue before circling the areola. Jane felt her heart rate spike as Maura placed hot kisses all over her breast. Maura began gently sucking on the nipple as Jane gasped winding one hand through her lover's hair as the other helped her brace against the counter.

"Very…much like that," she choked out as she arched her breast into Maura's mouth, urging her to suck harder, nip harder, each teasing bite followed by a soothing kiss and a gentle suck to ease the pain.

Maura moved to the other breast, her hand stroking and palming the tender flesh she had just finished with.

"Jesus, Maura…lower, need you lower," Jane panted, fearful that if Maura didn't get between her legs soon she would come without her.

With surprising strength, Maura hooked her arms behind Jane's thighs and hoisted her onto the counter top. She smiled as she took in the sight of Jane's need, swollen and soaking wet. Jane swept Maura's hair out of the way and held it as Maura's mouth settled lovingly into her core. A hum of pleasure vibrated against Jane as Maura's tongue laved her center, stroking her folds, leaving no part of her untouched save for her aching clit, which Maura made sure to avoid for the moment.

Jane closed her eyes, letting her head fall back to rest against a cabinet door, her hands completely entangled in Maura's hair as her thumbs massaged circles into her scalp, "God…Maura…needed you…all day. Wanted you…all day."

Maura moaned, placing a full mouthed kiss into Jane's center before drawing her neglected clit into her mouth and sucking on it, letting her teeth scrape across it ever so slightly and relishing the way the sensation made Jane's body jerk and her muscles twitch under her hands.

"There…there," Jane rasped, her hips rolling uncontrollably to Maura's rhythm before her body fell forward, fingers tightening their grip on the wads of hair in their grasp as she spasmed with ferocity to the flicks of Maura's tongue. When the last wave had passed, Maura pulled back but leaned back in for one last kiss to Jane's center.

"Did that help?" Maura asked, brushing the sweat-plastered hair back from Jane's face.

"Mmm, mmmhmm," Jane mumbled, having leaned back against the cabinet, her eyes once again closed as she tried to catch her breath. She jerked as Maura lightly traced a finger over a sore nipple.

"I might have bitten you a little hard," Maura leaned in to place an apologetic kiss on the area that was starting to bruise.

Jane laughed, "S'ok, it felt good. Will you check on Cecilia, while I catch my breath?"

Maura nodded and stepped out of the kitchen, returning promptly, "Still sound asleep on the sofa."

* * *

><p>It was impossible to hold back the smile and the amused laugh as Maura emerged from the bathroom, almost as wet as the now bathed toddler she carried wrapped in a towel.<p>

"Did you take a bath with her Maura? In your clothes?" Jane crawled off the bed and rooted through the diaper bag for the necessary items and sleep clothes.

"She likes to splash, do you mind dressing her while I put on something dry?" Maura handed the toddler off to Jane.

"It's ok? For her to sleep between us?" Maura asked with hesitation as she climbed into bed.

"Yeah it's fine, and it's not like we have anywhere else to put her," Jane leaned over the sleeping child to wrap a hand around the back of Maura's neck and pull her into a good night kiss.

Maura settled down facing Cecilia, her finger gliding lightly over the child's open palm. They both smiled as little fingers closed around Maura's.

"You're really good with her, you know," Jane said as she reached across to run her hand through Maura's hair.

"Really?" There was a twinkle in Maura's eyes as she looked up.

"Yeah, Cecilia doesn't usually like being held by anyone, she squirms and fidgets and cries. But…it's different with you. It's cool. I like seeing you with her."

"I've always admired how you interact with children," Maura closed her eyes and called to mind an almost forgotten story, "I remember the first time I saw you with a child, it wasn't too long after I started at BPD. It was that little boy, with all the freckles and both of his front teeth missing. He had heterochromia as well," she paused looking at Jane, "two different colored eyes, one brown, one green. I can see his face but I can't remember his name…"

"Oh, I remember that case…uh, umm, Peter….Peter….Augie. Peter Augie, he witnessed his mother's murder."

Maura nodded, "That was it, I remember watching you interview him and being somewhat shocked at how tender you were, I knew then you weren't as tough as you tried to let on. I didn't relate well to kids when I was a child myself, I wasn't sure if I would be able to as an adult."

Jane glanced down at Maura's finger, Cecilia's stubby little digits still wrapped tightly around it, "I'd say you're doing just fine. What would you want to name her…if we had a daughter?"

Her brow furrowed as she pondered the fantasy for a moment, Maura smiled, "We could name her after Nonna."

"Roberta?" Jane snorted, "No, absolutely not. Did you know Ma wanted to name me Roberta? Nonna threw a fit, said she always hated her name and that no grandchild of hers would be saddled with it if she could help it. What about Margaret, after your birth mother?"

Maura shook her head, "No, I never met her. Doesn't seem right."

"Prudence?" Jane asked pursing her lips as she tried to stifle her laughter.

"If we name our daughter Prudence you had better give birth to her because she'll need your genes to beat up the other children when they make fun of her," Maura smiled and gave Jane a wink, "maybe we should have a son."

"I don't think you get to choose Maur, I'm no scientist but I clearly remember from Biology class that the sperm determines the sex of the baby."

"We could always adopt," her voice was unsure and her eyes didn't rise to meet Jane's.

Without missing a beat, "Yeah, we could," Jane replied as she flipped off the bedside lamp.

"Hey Maur? Did you think I would have a problem if you preferred adoption?"

"I…I guess it's just, with me being adopted and my…unconventional background and life because of it I thought you might be hesitant," Maura wished now the toddler wasn't lying between them so that she could wrap her arms around Jane, feel the comfort and reassurance of her embrace.

"Not at all, whenever in the future we decide we're ready, if you prefer adoption I'm behind you one hundred percent. Or if you decide you want to get pregnant, I'll take a little Maura running around over a little me any day," Jane giggled.

"What would be so wrong with a little Jane?"

"When I would act up as a kid Ma used to say that one day she wished I'd end up with a daughter just like me, I'd hate to give her the satisfaction."

They both fell silent for a few moments until Maura reached through the darkness to run her hand over Jane's face, "Jane…I'd love a little you running around, sassy and bold with beautiful brown eyes that I can cheer for at softball games."

"Not a little scientist with a toy chemistry set?" Jane whispered, covering Maura's hand with her own.

"Nope, one just like you, with all of your fire and confidence…But, I suppose if she happened to win the science fair every year that would be ok too."

Jane giggled, "Ok good, because I'd really like to stand in the auditorium and brag to all the other parents that not only can my kid beat their sons at sports but she's smarter than their kids too."


	17. Heart of Darkness

**Notes:** I think we're in the home stretch of Evolution; we've got a bit of a new case and of course happy wedding times to come. I hope you've all been enjoying and will like these last few chapters as they unfold. Reviews, comments, requests always appreciated! This chapter quotes passages from Joseph Conrad's _Heart of Darkness_.

**CH 17: Heart of Darkness**

"Talk to me!" Jane stormed into the morgue with Frost hot on her heels.

Maura stripped off her gloves and discarded them, "Cause of death is blunt force trauma." She pointed to an x-ray, "Basilar skull fracture in a stellate pattern, see the fissures radiating from the point of impact. Death was not immediate but rather caused by intracranial bleeding as indicated by blood behind the eyes and in the ears in addition to intracerebral bleeding. The internal bleeding and unrelieved buildup of pressure in and around the brain ultimately caused brain death."

Jane gritted her teeth and shifted back and forth on her feet, "The gunshots to the knees?"

"Would not have been a contributing factor," Maura concluded, "In fact based on the clotting, the wounds were several days old at the time of death."

Frost shook his head, "Gunshots to the knees, I mean that's some old school mob shit."

"So, someone shoots Curtis Flaherty in the knees, keeps him around for a few days and then cracks him in the head, lets him die and then dumps the body. Any observations on a likely weapon?" Jane looked sympathetically down at Curtis' body, his wife was upstairs and someone had to make the notification.

Maura sighed and half-shrugged, "A stellate fracture pattern generally indicates a compact, relative solid object that makes a concentrated blow causing the starburst-type pattern to radiate off from the point of impact…there really is no unique shape to this particular blow."

"So a baseball bat, a hammer, a fucking shillelagh for all we know," Jane growled in frustration.

"I'm sorry, I really have nothing else to go on," Maura looked down at the body, "Did you know him?"

Jane shook her head, "Not personally, no."

"He was in my recruit class," Frost said, nodding in thanks as Jane put her hand on his shoulder, "Nice guy, we ended up in different sectors on patrol so I didn't really keep up with him after the academy. Ran into him a few times when I was with Robbery, he told me he got married and that things were going good, said he wasn't really looking to move off patrol. Maybe I should be the one to tell his wife…"

"Maur, let us know if you get anything else," Jane paused and let Frost leave ahead of her, "You ok? You seem…"

"Promise me something," Maura blurted out.

Jane walked around to the other side of the autopsy table and took hold of Maura's hands, "What?"

Maura reached out and placed her hand on Jane's side, over where she knew the through and through scar to be, "Promise me you'll never make me be the wife sitting upstairs in an interview room waiting for…"

"Don't say it," Jane pulled Maura into a tight embrace, _this…this is what it feels like for your heart to tear in half_, "You know I can't make that promise…" she said regrettably.

Maura took a deep breath and nodded into Jane's neck, "I know."

* * *

><p><em>I had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr. Kurtz, who, I was ready to admit, was as good as buried. And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also were buried in a vast grave full of unspeakable secrets. I felt an intolerable weight oppressing my breast, the smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence of victorious corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable night…<em>

Maura's eyes flitted across the page, the small, worn novella folded in half in her hands as she read. _Impenetrable night._ She glanced out the living room window wondering when night had fallen. Had it been dark when she left work for the day? She couldn't remember. She wanted Jane, wanted to curl up next to her in bed and run her fingers through savage curls, listen to her breathe as she slept, feel the heat radiate off her skin. But, there was a dead cop on a slab in the morgue. Jane wouldn't be home that night.

_I tried to break the spell – the heavy, mute spell of the wilderness – that seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast by the awakening of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the memory of gratified and monstrous passions. This alone, I was convinced, had driven him out to the edge of the forest, to the bush, towards the gleam of fires, the throb of rums, the drone of weird incantations; this alone had beguiled his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of permitted aspirations. And, don't you see, the terror of the positions was not in being knocked on the head – though I had a very lively sense of danger, too – but in this, that I had to deal with a being to whom I could not appeal in the name of high or low…_

Maura's eyes fluttered under the oppressive weight of solitude; she drifted off to sleep, her fingers losing their grasp on the book as the small paper back closed, the pages rustling together, losing her place.

A weathered hand reached for the book resting on her abdomen and flipped through the pages. He ran his finger over the worn edges and touched the crease that ran down the spine before bringing the book to his nose and inhaling. He loved the smell of a book, the older and more worn the better. There was nothing to equate the smell of aged paper to, the somewhat stale aroma of memory and history. Nostalgia, smelling the pages always summoned a different vignette from the past. This book made him think of the first time he hurt someone on purpose, when he was fourteen and arrived home from school one afternoon to see his mother cooking dinner with a fresh black eye, the current man she was sleeping with ensconced in a recliner sipping on whiskey. He waited in the alley behind the house the next night with a couple of his best friends for the man who was sleeping with his mother to wander home from his weekly card night, drunk as usual. He smelled the pages again and heard the crack of the bat on the man's shoulder as he pummeled him mercilessly into the gritty pavement. Now the pages smelled like iron and booze as he recalled leaning down to the man's ear, _Lay your hands on her again and I'll hit a home run with your skull. _ The man left the next day and never came back.

Maura's eyes twitched and her lips parted as she gasped slightly, she was dreaming. Her brow furrowed and her head thrashed from side to side. He reached out and brushed away the hair that had fallen over her face, his rough fingertips dragging lightly down her cheek. Maura's eyes snapped open and she bolted upright as a massive hand covered her mouth.

"Don't scream," Patrick Doyle said softly as he slowly removed his hand.

Maura panted breathlessly from the fright as she turned to look at the front door and then back at her biological father, "How did you? You can't just break into my house!"

"I didn't break in. Perhaps you should remember to lock the front door, or…" he looked at the placid terrier that was curled up near his feet, "…get a better dog."

She noticed her book in Doyle's hand and reached for it, yanking it out of his hand, "You're sitting on my table."

He laughed and moved to the end of the sofa, cognizant of the fiery hazel eyes that dogged his moves, "I never did like that story, you know."

Maura glanced down at the book, "Perhaps it hit too close to home, the duality of human nature and the constant struggle between good and evil within the individual soul. Maybe when you read this you realized that within you, the darkness usually wins."

Doyle smiled, "I accepted long ago who I am, and the things I've done, for better or worse and I'm willing to bear judgment for it from the only being entitled to make that judgment when it's my time. But, perhaps I'll have a change of heart and you'll hear me exclaim in the immortal words of Mr. Kurtz 'The horror! The horror!' as I slip away."

"What are you doing here?" Maura looked indignantly back at Doyle. She didn't want to hate him, but she didn't want to like him either. He had protected her from Tommy O'Rourke, saved her life when it came to being kidnapped by Donegal and then there was his unacknowledged handiwork when it came to Kearns' murder in prison. All actions in and of themselves that spoke of love and protection but were carried out in the most brutal of ways. Maura found it difficult to allow that type of love to in any way gain a foothold in her sympathies.

"May I see it?" he asked.

"See what?"

"The ring."

Maura looked down at her left hand and then back at Doyle, "I suppose it would be a waste of breath to ask how you know." She held up her hand but didn't extend it towards him, "It was Jane's grandmother's ring."

"Are you sure about this?" Doyle gestured towards the ring, "Marrying a cop?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I am absolutely sure about marrying Jane, her being a cop has nothing to do with it."

"It has everything to do with it, are you prepared to see her lying in your morgue like Curtis Flaherty?"

Maura's eyes widened and she stood abruptly, "I think you should leave."

"I'm sorry, Maura, that was unfair. I just want what's best for you, that's all I've ever wanted," Doyle looked up with genuinely apologetic eyes. Maura didn't doubt his words; his actions illustrated them even if he was willing to do the most heinous things to ensure what was best for her.

"No…" Maura started as she sat back down, "I'm not prepared to see that. I'll never be prepared to see that. But, I love her and every day with her is worth the uncertainty of the next."

"Hmm," Doyle smiled, "I wish your mother would have felt the same way about me."

"Are you going to tell me why you're here?"

Doyle's face darkened, "There's a storm coming, but it's not too late to stop it. I know who killed Curtis Flaherty."

* * *

><p>Jane eyed the sofa as she walked into the house, it was well past midnight and it seemed hardly fair to wake Maura. They had spent the entire day and into the night trying to retrace Curtis' whereabouts from the past few days, interviewing his family, his patrol partner, all of his closest friends. Everything led to nothing. <em>Nothing…not a damn thing<em>. Jane tiptoed into the bedroom; she didn't want to sleep on the sofa, she wanted to crawl into that giant cloud of a bed and wrap her arms around the woman sleeping in it even if it woke her up.

She slipped under the covers and curled around Maura's body, trying to gather the sleeping woman into her arms with as little jostling as possible.

Already on edge from her earlier awakening, Maura's body reacted in a panic, "Get out!" she yelled as her body jerked into a sitting position, arms flailing against the body restraining her.

"Maura! Maura! It's me!" Jane tried to calm her.

Maura reached for the bedside lamp and flipped it on, only believing the voice when she could see that the body trying to hold her was in fact Jane, "Jane, I'm sorry." She sunk into Jane's body, "I fell asleep on the sofa earlier and when I woke up, Patrick Doyle was in the house sitting right next to me and it startled me and I guess I'm just a little edgy."

"Whoa, Whoa!" Jane pulled Maura out of her arms and looked in her eyes, "What do you mean he was in the house!"

"He said I left the front door unlocked. I felt something touch my face and I woke up and there he was," Maura could tell by the look on Jane's face what the next question was going to be, "I'm fine Jane, he didn't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me. It just scared me because I wasn't expecting it. He says he knows who killed Curtis Flaherty."

"Jesus Christ, of course he does, and he's offering up this information why exactly?"

"He says the Irish mob underground is making a comeback. Some of the old patriarchs have been recruiting new followers, calling in debts that fell by the wayside after the gang wars. Flaherty was a plant and an informant in BPD for James Rooney's gang. He was supposed to help members of his own gang get off for crimes and tamper with evidence to pin crimes on members of rival gangs. But, Flaherty wanted to back out, sever ties with Rooney, so Rooney had him killed and they're going to try and set up the Somerville gangs to take the rap."

Jane ran her hands through her hair, "Ok, why is Doyle giving us this?"

"Because if you can't prove Rooney killed Flaherty, another gang war breaks out and everyone gets dragged back in…Jane, everyone."

_Everyone._ Jane's eyes widened, "All the old bosses…all of their alliances…unpaid debts…Doyle included."

Maura nodded.

"Fuck," Jane reached out and cupped Maura's face, "The evidence is there. We'll find it. Right now though, we're going to get a few hours of sleep." Jane scooted back under the covers pulling Maura into her arms and holding her tightly.

"Jane…" Maura's voice was soft and her breath tickled across Jane's neck as she spoke, "…Doyle asked me why I'd put myself through being married to a cop."

Jane sighed and was thankful for the darkness so that if Maura looked up she wouldn't see the tears clawing their way out of the corner of her eyes, "That promise you wanted me to make…I wish I could make it. I just hope you know that you're my single greatest motivation every day when I'm on the job."

Maura kissed Jane's neck, "I know."

"What did you say to him?"

Maura propped herself up on her elbow and stroked Jane's face in the darkness, feeling the moisture from tears under her fingertips, "That being with you everyday was worth the uncertainty of the next." She leaned down and placed a kiss on Jane's lips.

"Marry me," Jane asked weaving her fingers through Maura's hair.

"You already asked me that," Maura giggled, leaning down to kiss Jane again, longer this time, sucking Jane's lower lip ever so lightly and holding it before releasing.

"Marry me, when this case is over. No more waiting, no months of planning, nothing fancy. Just you, standing next to me, wherever I don't care with our families and a few close friends." Jane waited for Maura to protest.

"That sounds perfect," Maura whispered against her lips.


	18. Puzzle Pieces

**CH 18: Puzzle Pieces**

"How do we prove it?" Korsak looked at the board, Curtis Flaherty's picture in the middle, an un-drawn but known line stretched invisibly to a picture of James Rooney, "Without a tip off from Patrick Doyle being the reason we made the link?"

Jane exhaled as she stroked her chin, "I don't know, but we gotta find a way. Connect Flaherty to Rooney's gang first; let Rooney see that we know Flaherty was a plant. If Rooney or any of his associates panic a little they might slip up."

"Ballistics are back on the slug Dr. Isles pulled out of Flaherty's left knee," Frost held the report up as he entered the bullpen, "matches rounds recovered from a drive-by on the Walking Stick Bar five years ago. Gun was registered to a Nick McCrory."

Korsak shuffled through some papers, "Well, whaddya know, Nick McCrory is a known member of the Somerville gang."

"Shit," Jane huffed, "we'll have to bring him in."

* * *

><p>The contrast between how Homicide worked a big case and how the Medical Examiner's office and the pathologists worked the same big case was always fascinating to Jane. A big case turned the bullpen into a buzz of activity; it could almost be deafening. Even when no one was talking nervous tics started to emerge. Jane tapped her pen on any available surface. Frost clicked his. Korsak jazzed his foot, occasionally kicking the desk. Crowe paced, which Jane found visually annoying. Jefferson clucked his tongue. Wade smacked on gum so loudly it could wake the dead. Cavanaugh liked to wander in and out; he always slammed his door. Smiglak popped his knuckles and when those were spent his neck, and when that wouldn't go his shoulders; Jane shuddered thinking about the time he ran out of joints and took his shoes off to pop his toes. <em>Dear God, I hope we solve the case before Smiglak gets to his toes.<em>

The ME's office on the other hand was serenely stoic, like a troop of little worker ants that fell into a practiced and rehearsed rhythm. No wasted words, no wasted energy. The way the techs moved through the lab was a dance, a delicate pas de deux when they passed, shoulders brushing, files exchanging hands, pirouetting around lab equipment.

"Shoe shopping to distract yourself?" Jane asked as she walked into Maura's office, her fiancé's face trained on and staring intently at her computer screen.

Maura smiled as she looked up, "Better, looking for places for the wedding. I was thinking somewhere outdoors that can be booked on short notice, given our accelerated timeline."

Jane began to massage Maura's shoulders and leaned down to bury her face in honey brown hair, "I admire your ability to distract yourself from the case. So, where are we getting hitched?"

Maura shook her head and smirked at the colloquialism, "I was thinking Bar Harbor, Maine. I know several people who have vacationed there; it's supposed to be quite beautiful, only a five hour drive from Boston and it's getting near the end of the summer tourist season so we should be able to find a bed and breakfast with vacancies. We could have the ceremony outdoors, perhaps on one of the small bluffs overlooking the ocean but not on the beach itself."

"That sounds perfect," Jane whispered, wrapping her arms around Maura as she placed a soft kiss on her temple, "whatever and wherever makes you happy. All I'm going to be looking at that day is you."

* * *

><p>Nick McCrory sat in the interview room, stone faced; he'd seen the inside of one before. He knew the detectives were on the other side of that glass wall watching him, sizing him up. They'd be trying to analyze his demeanor, strategize on how to approach him. He liked it when they played good cop, bad cop, it was like straight out of the fucking movies and it amused him to no end. Nick loved the cops, he always took shit from his buddies for saying that but it was true; he loved them because they made life interesting. It was a game, seeing what you could get away with and if you got hauled in seeing how long you could fuck with them. He knew why he was there. Everyone knew about Curtis Flaherty being dead and everyone, but the cops, or so he thought, knew about Curtis Flaherty being crooked and running with Rooney's gang. Flaherty had been helping pin crooked business on Rooney's enemies and Nick McCrory ran with people who were Rooney's enemies. That's why he was sitting there, stone faced, waiting on the games to begin.<p>

Jane and Frost walked in. He watched them sit down.

_Interesting…a black one and a dyke, maybe today will be bad cop, bad cop._ McCrory smirked.

Frost slid pictures across the table towards him.

"Curtis Flaherty," McCrory deadpanned.

"So, you knew him?" Frost asked.

"Course, everyone knows a dirty cop working for the Irish underground," McCrory waited for the reaction. Nothing. _Unexpected._

"We know Curtis Flaherty was working for Rooney," Jane interjected, "We also know he was knee capped with the same gun that is registered to you that was used to shoot up the Walking Stick a few years back."

_Well played, detectives_. McCrory could feel the heat rising under his skin, "You never found that gun."

"Well evidently you found it when you got out the joint," Jane looked at him matter of factly.

McCrory chuckled, "Never lost it. But I got rid of it when I got out, possession of a firearm being a violation of my probation and all. So, I didn't shoot Curtis Flaherty and I didn't bash his fuckin' head in either."

"Who said anything about his head being bashed in?" Frost quirked an eyebrow.

"Pfft," McCrory shook his head, "street knows more than you pigs. I know I didn't kill him, but you've got bullets from my gun in his knees so you're thinking you hit the jackpot on closing this one up. No point in me hiding anything. Can't prove I didn't kill him."

"Oh, we know you didn't kill him," Jane liked the cocky ones, the ones who thought they had all cops and all interviews figured out. She loved busting their nuts and dropping bombs they didn't expect. The look on Nick McCrory's face gave her all the satisfaction that she'd done just that.

Nick glanced towards the glass wall, "This some kinda joke?"

Jane smiled slyly, "No joke, see, today's your lucky day. We know Flaherty was dirty and we've got a pretty good idea who killed him and you're going to help us prove it."

* * *

><p>Jane cracked her neck as she and Maura walked up the steps to the front door. As much as Nick McCrory didn't want to go down for a murder he didn't commit he equally as much didn't want to be the victim if it got out he was helping the cops. They had spent all day trying to sell him on the idea to no avail.<p>

Jane put the key in the lock and paused, "Maur, it's my turn to ask you to make a promise. If the shit starts hitting the fan, promise me you'll leave? Tara's still in Ireland doing research, right? Take some vacation, go visit her."

Maura stepped in front of Jane and wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her in close, "We've been through worse; we'll get through this. My place is with you. I'm safe with you."

"What if I can't…" Jane started to object.

"When have you failed me?" Maura reached for Jane's lips and placed a soft kiss on them.

Jane's hair bristled as they walked in the house, something was off… "Don't move!" she screamed drawing her weapon as she spied a shadow slide across the threshold of the kitchen.

"Don't shoot me detective," the gruff and familiar voice of Patrick Doyle floated out of the kitchen, preceding his form as he emerged holding a ham and cheese sandwich.

"You!" Jane was still bellowing behind gritted teeth, "Do not get to keep breaking into my house!" She kept her gun trained on him, eyes darting around to make sure Doyle was alone.

Maura's hand came to rest lightly on Jane's forearm as she physically guided her shooting arm down. Jane switched on the safety and holstered her weapon.

"Helped myself," Doyle said as he took a bite of the sandwich, "hope you don't mind." He walked towards one of the living room chairs and sat down. Jane led Maura cautiously to the sofa. She still couldn't bring herself to trust him. Even though he'd kidnapped Maura to keep her safe, even when he'd had O'Rourke taken care of, the poetic justice his henchmen had dealt to Kearns and his much needed assistance in finding Donegal. He still put her on edge. Jane would use him if it meant helping Maura, keeping her safe but she didn't have to like him, didn't have to let her guard down around him.

"You brought in Nick McCrory," it was a statement more than a question.

Jane nodded.

"Didn't tell you anything did he?" Doyle asked. "Nick's an interesting scapegoat for Rooney's gang. He's always been a bit of an outsider; even with his own, rogue might be a more appropriate term. He'll flip, if you know how to work him."

"You telling me how to do my job now?" Jane was indignant.

"Wouldn't presume, detective. But, I know these people. You may have the facts about their lives, but I know them, and I know things about them you won't find on any profile sheet. For instance, I know Nick McCrory has a son. That's valuable info, valuable info not many people have. Nick probably told you he couldn't cooperate because he didn't want to be a target. Well, now you have some information he won't expect you to have. I suspect with your skills detective, and the special incentive you have regarding this case," Doyle glanced at Maura, "that you'll be able to make use of this knowledge."

Doyle stood and walked towards the front door; Jane followed him out. He stood on the top step in the almost faded daylight, hands in his pockets as he looked out at the street.

"I don't expect you to ever like me," he turned to face Jane, "but there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep her safe. I'd betray every man I owe my life to in order to make sure of that."

Jane pursed her lips and nodded.

Doyle took note of the look in her smoldering brown eyes, "I feel sure you'd do the same. It's why, all things considered, all the reasons why we shouldn't, we make a good team." He walked down the steps and slipped away in the night.

* * *

><p>Maura twisted her hair up into a tight bun as steam filled the bathroom but then let it go as her hair cascaded back down over shoulders. Her hands came to rest on the sink and she let her head hang. She straightened up as a body came to mould against her backside.<p>

"I think we should install a security system," Maura smiled as she looked over her shoulder at Jane.

"Though, strangely, the one person that keeps breaking in our house is the one person we probably don't need to worry about. I'd be far more inclined to install an alarm to ward off my Ma," Jane chuckled, burying her face into Maura's neck.

"But you're mother doesn't incite you to draw your weapon," Maura spun around in Jane's arms and pressed their lips together. All the uneasiness, fear and doubt melted away as Maura focused on the hunger in Jane's kiss, the heat of her tongue as it slipped effortlessly into her mouth.

Jane released Maura's mouth with a slight pop and looked into her eyes, "I have been tempted."

They both laughed as Maura relaxed into Jane's embrace. She closed her eyes and welcomed the heat of the body pressed against her, "Will you stay with me while I take a shower? I don't want to be alone."

"Of course," Jane ran her hand up and down Maura's back, "I'll even join you if you'd like."

* * *

><p>Maura stood under the spray from the showerhead and let it wash from her head down the length of her body. Thick, wet hair covered her ears and turned the sound of the water hitting the ceramic tub hollow. Jane's hands were on her shoulders, her thumbs working diligently, but somewhat lightly on the taut knots that had formed in the muscles.<p>

"A little harder, please," Maura asked, taking a deep breath and trying to let her body relax under the touch. "Deep massage to the area should stimulate circulation, helping deliver oxygen and nutrients to the muscle and assisting in flushing the lactic and uric acids that have likely caused the tension."

"Mmmhmm," Jane mumbled, "You could have just said it feels good."

Maura smiled, "It feels amazing, thank you."

Jane worked on Maura's neck until she felt the knots start to melt away. Her hands slid off Maura's shoulders and down her arms as she nuzzled through wet hair to kiss her fiancé's neck.

"What did he say to you?" Maura asked. "Doyle, when you followed him out."

Reverent kisses trailed up Maura's neck until Jane came to her ear, "That…he'd do anything to keep you safe. That he'd betray everyone he knows to do that. And that he knows I'd do the same."

Maura turned to face Jane, their fronts flush against one another; she looked up into terrifyingly sincere brown eyes.

"I would Maura…"

"Jane," Maura started to protest but was cut off.

"I would," she took Maura's hand and placed it over the scar on her side, "This, all over again, anything. I would do it."

Their lips crashed together furiously. It was heated and desperate. Jane needed to feel Maura in her arms, taste her on her lips. She wanted this to be over, not just the case; but the heart-wrenching ache that settled in her chest when she thought about something happening to the woman she squeezed tighter and tighter in her arms. The thought of life without Maura was unbearable. When did she become this person? It didn't matter she realized, standing there in the shower, her fingers digging into Maura's wet and naked back. She didn't care that her heart was held hostage by utterly and completely blind love for this woman. In fact it was the one thing she had always needed but never had until now.

Jane backed Maura into the wall of the shower and broke the kiss bringing her hands up to cup Maura's face, "Anything."

_I know_. Maura nodded, choking on words that she couldn't get out. She gasped, her eyes closing as Jane slipped two fingers inside her as her leg lifted and hooked around thigh. Fingers tangled themselves in drenched and matted black locks as she pulled Jane into another kiss. When she couldn't hold the kiss because of her increasing pants and moans to Jane's intense rhythm she released her lips but held her head close, their noses touching, trading frantic breaths. Maura's body went rigid as the spasms of her climax shot through her body, her head tilting back and her mouth ajar as she took one last gasp for air before holding her breath as she orgasmed. Jane's fingers slid out only to circle Maura's clit sending secondary waves of pleasure through her body as she took Maura's lips again sliding her tongue in to an expectant mouth.

Maura gripped Jane in a quick panic as the leg she had been balancing on gave away, but the strong arm wrapped around her back and the force of Jane's body pressing her into the wall kept her from falling, "Don't worry," Jane whispered, "I've got you. I'll always have you."

Her eyes slowly closed and Maura allowed her body to relax under the assurance that Jane did indeed have her, all of her, physically and emotionally; Jane was the one person, the first person in her life she could trust with all of herself. Her fingers loosened from their anchor points in tan skin and wild hair and caressed across a sinewy back. Breathing returned to normal and Maura reestablished her feet on the floor of the tub. She opened her eyes and smiled as Jane smiled back.

"What were you thinking?" Jane asked as she pulled Maura forward off the wall.

Maura ran her hands down either side of Jane's face, "About how much I love you."

A facetious smirk spread across Jane's face, "Oh? How much is that?"

Maura smiled, "Aristotle said that love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. I love you, not just for you but for who we have become together, for what you have done in bringing out the me that I never knew existed. I felt incomplete and disconnected for so long and I never could figure out what it would take to put me together. It took you."


	19. I Would Go With Thee

**CH 19: I Would Go With Thee**

The photos of a little boy with dark auburn hair, bright blue eyes and a smattering of freckles lay between them. In one photo he was on a playground, sticking his tongue out at the camera through a big gap vacated by his two front teeth. He was the physical representation of innocence. Pure joy captured on film in the photo of a child. Nick McCrory's lips pursed into a thin line, his jaw clenched and his face flushed bright red.

Jane placed a finger on one of the photos and turned it around so that she could look at it right side up, "Cute kid, must have gotten his mother's good looks though." McCrory let a small smile grace one corner of his mouth as he nodded. Jane turned the photo back around, "And I bet you'd do anything to protect him."

"Anything," he responded, "he means more than my own life."

"I have someone like that in my life," Jane continued, "Someone I'd do anything to protect."

McCrory picked up one of the photos and held it, ran his finger across the logo of the Celtics t-shirt the little boy wore; he remembered taking his son to his first Celtics game. The way the little boy squealed in delight with every basket, every point the highlight of his young life. McCrory nodded. He knew about Dr. Isles, they all knew about Maura, ever since the O'Rourke case. He could see it in her eyes and knew she was looking at the same thing in his. She wasn't a cop just doing her job; it was personal, he could respect that.

"Do you think he'll be safe if a gang war breaks out? A gang war supposedly started by a murder his father allegedly committed?" Jane asked.

"No," McCrory sighed, running his hand over his face, "But, if I help you…"

"We can at least offer you protection," Jane countered, "We don't need much, we know who, we need anything you can give us to tie Flaherty to Rooney's gang, on where he was killed, to put a weapon in someone's hand…"

* * *

><p>"I'll be damned," Jane muttered under her breath as she looked over Frost's shoulder at the records on the computer screen, a picture of Flaherty's wife. <em>Theresa Flaherty, Theresa…Rooney…Flaherty.<em>

"James Rooney's niece," Frost said, "She had to know Curtis was working for the gang. The question is, does she know her uncle or his associates killed him?"

"Let's find out, good work," Jane patted Frost on the shoulder.

"Thank Nick McCrory, never would have known to look," Frost stood and grabbed his jacket as they headed out to Theresa Flaherty's house.

* * *

><p>Theresa Flaherty sobbed. She actually looked like she hadn't stopped crying for days; she had answered the door with red and swollen eyes, unkempt hair and a voice hoarse from hours spent smothering her face into a pillow, a feeble attempt to suffocate the pain. She twisted a handkerchief in her hands, not even bothering to dab at the tears anymore.<p>

"No…no…it can't be," she repeated over and over again, looking from Jane to Frost and then back at the wrinkled, wet cloth clutched in her fingers.

"Theresa," Jane put her hand on the woman's wrist, "You knew Curtis was in with your uncle's gang?" Theresa nodded. "Why did he want out?"

She took a deep breath. "I wanted him out. I never approved of all of this business. But, we needed the money and so Curtis hooked up with Uncle James. I told him to leave me out of it; I didn't want to know anything, but we put the money in my bank account. I started hearing bits and pieces of conversations and it sounded like things were getting heated, the other gangs had figured out Curtis was a plant. I was afraid they would kill him. So, I asked him to quit. We'd been able to pay down some bills, we didn't need the money that bad anymore."

"Theresa," Frost interjected, "If Rooney and his associates killed Curtis and we can't prove it, there's going to be a gang war. People are going to die. More wives like you are going to be standing over their husband's body. It's not right, what Curtis did, but I know you loved him and I know you wouldn't want anyone else to go through what you're going through."

Theresa shook her head as more tears streaked down her face, "What can I do to help?"

* * *

><p>A clear and airy voice rolled through the air on the back of harp strings. The words meant nothing, if they were words at all. Merely sounds tripping lightly over piano keys, swaying with bow strings, dancing with flute notes.<p>

Maura settled onto the sofa next to Jane, swept her legs up underneath herself and let her cheek fall to Jane's shoulder as she closed her eyes. The plaintive drawl of uilleann pipes cut through the air. Jane winced looking towards the stereo as the mournful voice spilled out like blood from a wound, barely there and heavy at the same time like being oppressed by sadness and disconnected from oneself simultaneously. The lyrics bullied their way into her head. She didn't know what lament the voice cried out, but it dripped with love and longing and despite its grave tone Jane couldn't help but find herself captivated by the way the woman's effortless song circled her and clung to her body.

_Gura mise tha fo éislean_

_Moch sa mhaduinn is mi 'g éirigh_

_Ò hì shiùbhlainn leat_

_Hì ri bhò hò ru bhì_

_Hì ri bhò hò rinn o ho_

_Ailein Duinn, ò hì shiubhlainn leat_

_Ma 's e 'n cluasag dhut a' ghaineamh_

_Ma 's e leabaidh dhut an fheamainn_

_Ò hì shiùbhlainn leat_

_Hì ri bhò hò ru bhì_

_Hì ri bhò hò rinn o ho_

_Ailein Duinn, ò hì shiubhlainn leat_

_Ma 's e 'n t-iasg do choinnlean geala_

_Ma 's e na ròin do luchd-faire_

_Ò hì shiùbhlainn leat_

_Hì ri bhò hò ru bhì_

_Hì ri bhò hò rinn o ho_

_Ailein Duinn, ò hì shiubhlainn leat_

_Dh'òlainn deoch ge b' oil le càch e_

_De dh'fhuil do choim 's tu 'n déidh do bhathadh_

_Ò hì shiùbhlainn leat_

_Hì ri bhò hò ru bhì_

_Hì ri bhò hò rinn o ho_

_Ailein Duinn, ò hì shiubhlainn leat_

Jane tossed the papers she had been going over to the coffee table and leaned back gathering Maura in her arms, "I'm trying to stop an Irish gang war and you put on Irish music." She chuckled and kissed the top of Maura's head.

"Scottish Gaelic, actually," Maura looked up and smiled, "This particular group is Scottish."

"Irish…Scottish…whatever. Seems like their music is either about drinking or dying. I'm guessing this one's about dying," Jane pushed Maura back so that they could lay lengthwise on the sofa, her head burrowing into a soft neck, hand slipping under the loose, silky fabric of Maura's camisole to caress smooth skin. She loved the feel of Maura's skin under her hands; she needed it, especially with a case like this, needed to feel its warmth, its life. That skin had healed her, physically, emotionally. It was a hunger that was never satisfied; a connection that energized her, a driving force she never expected.

"How sorrowful I am, early in the morning rising. I would go with thee, brown-haired Alan, I would go with thee. If it is thy pillow the sand, if it is thy bed the seaweed. I would go with thee, I would go with thee. If it is the fish thy candles bright, If it is the seals thy watchmen. I would go with thee, I would go with thee. I would drink, though all would abhor it, Of thy heart's blood after thy drowning. I would go with thee, brown-haired Alan, I would go with thee," Maura lifted Jane's chin and let their lips melt together.

Jane pulled back and ran her fingertips along Maura's cheek bone and down to her jaw before one finger traced lightly over her recently kissed lips, "Of course you know Gaelic."

Maura giggled, "No, but sometimes I look up the translation."

"Kiss me again," Jane uttered softly, "make me forget about this case, make me feel like only we exist."

Maura pushed Jane onto her back and settled on top of her, felt Jane's body relax and accept, even welcome her weight, she leaned down and claimed lips that needed reassurance, "I'm here," she whispered in between kisses, "everything's going to be ok."

* * *

><p>Jane checked the wire that had been firmly attached to Theresa's body; she let the woman pull her shirt down and stepped back, "Test…test. Frost, you picking this up?"<p>

Frost knocked on the door to announce his arrival and stepped into the interrogation room, "Sound is coming through great."

"How ya feeling?" Jane asked.

"Nervous," Theresa took a deep breath.

"We'll be in an unmarked van right outside the house, if you get an admission or if it seems like nothing's going to be said then leave as calmly as possible. Come straight back here to the station," Jane put her hand on Theresa's shoulder.

* * *

><p>Maura sat at Jane's desk and turned Nonna's ring round and round on her finger. She let the rough edges of the stone and its setting dig into the pad of her finger. Her eyes closed and her head lolled to the side as familiar hands settled on her shoulders and squeezed.<p>

"We're about to head out, walk with me," Jane reached for Maura's hand as she stood and laced their fingers together.

They walked in silence to the locker room. It never got easier. One whole year. In fact it was probably worse. The more Maura loved her the more that fear hooked into her chest, barbs that dug into a tender, sensitive red muscle that never healed. It would be easy to give into it, pull the hook out and tear the flesh. But she knew the bleeding would never stop, the ache would be incessant the longing for Jane would never ease. No, the fear was a pain that reminded her she was alive. It reminded her, particularly in these moments what it was like to love with every part of your self, to feel that connection all over and everywhere. Even when it hurt so acutely, it was worth it.

Maura reached for the buttons of Jane's shirt and began to undo them. Jane turned and let Maura slide the shirt off, felt the state of hypersensitivity in her skin settle as Maura's hands stroked down her back, her thumb pressing into the mass of scar tissue on her back. Maura stepped in closer and kissed Jane's shoulder as she began to slip on the bulletproof vest. She couldn't help herself from checking the straps, as if she was somehow more qualified than Jane. Jane smiled and turned around.

"We've got some of the best guys from SWAT going with us, this is just a precaution," Jane grabbed her shirt and slipped it back on, making short work of the buttons, she tucked it in and then donned her blazer.

Maura nodded, managing a faint smile before grasping Jane's face firmly and pulling her into a kiss, her tongue staking claim over Jane's, breath hot, she bit down on Jane's lip before releasing it.

"All the incentive I need. When James Rooney and his associates are sitting in a cell at the end of the day you and I are going to celebrate and you're going to tell me all about Bar Harbor," Jane leaned in and place one last kiss on Maura's lips before gathering up her gear and heading out.

* * *

><p><em>You gotta love the Irish mob<em>, Jane thought as they pulled up and parked the van a few houses down and across the street from Rooney's location. They always seemed to settle in the most unassuming neighborhoods. You could pass Rooney's house everyday of your life and if you didn't know what she and the other officers knew it would look like any other house on any other street in South Boston. You would never know that inside that house was a man who had ordered countless murders if not committed more than his fair share.

"We've got eyes," Frost said pointing to the monitor as their undercover posed as an airconditioner repairman turned on his camera.

"I'm five minutes away," Theresa's voice came over the system.

Seconds and minutes might as well have been hours; Jane tapped her foot furiously on the floor of the van. The sound of her breath and the blood pumping through her veins seemed deafening.

"Hey," Frost reached out and shook her, "Come on partner, talk to me, I think I'd rather have cussing angry Jane over silent brooding Jane any day of the week."

Jane ran her hands roughly through her hair gathering it in her fingers as she haphazardly coiled it up in a bun to get it off her neck, "Some day the person you love most in the world will be counting on you…"

"You've never let her down, Jane. And if we don't pick up Rooney today you know that me, Korsak, the whole damn unit, even Crowe will sleep outside your house every damn night until we know it's safe. You're my partner; I got your back, which means I got Maura's back," Frost pursed his lips and nodded, squeezing Jane's forearm.

"Thanks, man. She's here." They both turned their attention back to the monitor as Theresa pulled into Rooney's drive and walked to the door.

* * *

><p>** The song is Ailein Duinn "Dark-Haired Alan" it's featured in the movie Rob Roy and sung by Karen Matheson of the group Capercaillie. There are several versions of the song sung by others, my personal favorite is a version sung by Irish singer Meav Ni Mhaolchatha.<p> 


	20. Phalaenopsis

**Notes:** Just a few more chapters to go! Thanks for all the comments so far and my apologies for not being so good at responding to them lately, work has been a bit hectic the past couple of weeks.

**CH 20: Phalaenopsis**

James Rooney sat in what he called his game room. It was dimly lit; he'd never much cared for overhead lighting and preferred small lamps for illumination instead. He paid Theresa no mind as she was shown into the room by one of his associates. Rooney was deep in concentration over his next chess move as he sat behind a small fold out table across from his son.

He smiled and snorted under his breath as he slowly made his move, taking a long draw off his cigar as he did so, "Check mate."

"God Damnit!" Jimmy Jr cursed as he threw some money on the table towards his father.

Rooney stood and gave his son a healthy smack across the back of the head, "How many times have I told ya? Don't take the name of the Lord."

He walked over to Theresa and kissed each cheek, "How are you holding up?"

She felt sick in the pit of her stomach at the touch of his lips to her skin, "I've been better, Uncle."

"Yes," Rooney nodded, "Yes, I'd imagine so."

Theresa took a deep breath and stilled her quivering lip, "I've heard things. I have a right to know."

Rooney sucked his cigar until it burnt down to his fingers and then ground the nub into an ashtray on his desk, "What kinds of things?"

"Don't do me this way Uncle. You know what I mean. I have a right to know and I can handle it. But, I need to know. Family is family. If Curtis was going to betray you…" _Family_, the word nearly hung in her throat.

Rooney walked up to his niece and grabbed her by the chin, his fingers were rough and his grip was harsh. Theresa tried to quell her fear though she was almost sure the sound of her racing heart could be heard throughout the room. He looked in her eyes, held her stare, dared her to look away. She wanted to look away, avoid his renowned soul-searching glare, pull away, run out of the house and never turn back. But she gazed back into his eyes unwaveringly.

He nodded, "Come with me."

* * *

><p>"Got him!" Jane exclaimed as Frost pounded his fists. "Frost, get on the horn, get a warrant now!"<p>

Frost was already on his cell. Jane sat with her eyes glued to the monitor for several tense moments until Theresa exited the house. As her car neared the end of the street she called Jane.

"Detective Rizzoli, did you get that?" Theresa's voice quivered and Jane could tell she was fighting back the tears.

"We got it Theresa, we've got it all on tape we're waiting on a warrant now. Go back to the station like we discussed."

"Judge is putting the warrant through," Frost said setting his cell phone down, "Half an hour."

* * *

><p><em>Shots fired. Repeat, shots fired. Additional units requested. Officers down. Officers down.<em>

Cavanaugh ran, his wing tips clacking on the tile floor as he stormed out of his office. The elevator wouldn't come; he punched the button furiously willing it to arrive. _Fuck!_ He streaked towards the stairs, descending two and three steps at a time all the way to the basement level where he burst threw the morgue doors causing Maura to jump with fright as she spun around.

"Shots…fired…" he was out of breath as he stood in the doorway.

Maura didn't move, the files in her hands spilling out and scattering to the floor. _No_. "No…" it was almost a whisper, "no…please."

"I don't know anything, come on, you're riding with me," Cavanaugh gestured for her to follow.

* * *

><p>Silence. Neither said a word as the car streaked towards Mass General. The city seemed to teem with sirens, like they were everywhere though in reality Maura knew it was just the car she was riding in. They barreled into the hospital parking lot. Maura stripped off her heels so that she could keep up with Cavanaugh. The pavement was hot and sharp under her feet but she barely felt it as she ran; nor did the contrast of the cool tile floor register as they entered the emergency room.<p>

Cavanaugh flashed his badge, "Lt. Cavanaugh, Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Maura Isles. My officers?"

A nurse ushered them through the doors and led them back. It was all too familiar to Maura. The long bright white hallway, the chill that seeped into her bones as she walked. The fear. The fear was worse this time.

Maura stopped. Her whole body shook; her hand losing its grip as her stilettos clattered to the floor. Jane stepped out from behind a curtain and saw her. There was no pause, she ran towards Maura, clearing the distance in only a few lengthy strides before throwing her arms around the now sobbing woman and lifting her off the ground.

"I'm ok," Jane whispered into her neck slowly lowering her back to the ground though she kept Maura gathered tightly in her arms, "I'm ok."

They stood there, tangled in each other's embraces, fingers wrapped in hair until Maura stopped trembling and pulled back. Her hands reached for Jane's face and stroked lightly over the bruises and swelling that were starting to develop around the left corner of her mouth.

"I took a punch, that's all," Jane leaned forward and pressed her lips to Maura's. "We got what we needed. Served the warrant and Rooney and his gang resisted. Frost took one in the arm; it's not that bad, he's in surgery. Couple of the SWAT guys took serious hits but their vests stopped the rounds."

Maura melted back into Jane's body, "Can we go home now?"

Jane ran a hand through Maura's hair as the other stroked reassuringly up and down her back. She could see more brass walking down the hallway, "Not quite yet. I've got to give a statement, be debriefed, probably head back to the station and get Rooney processed. Can you take the rest of the day off? Go home and get some sleep and I'll be there as soon as the brass will let me?"

"I'd rather go back to the station with you," Maura peered around Jane and could see Cavanaugh approaching them, "but, I suppose they won't let me actually be with you so…I'll stop by the morgue and make sure everything is ok there since I left so suddenly and then I'll be at home waiting for you."

* * *

><p>Patrick Doyle sat on the top step of the house as Maura approached. She paused but relaxed as she realized that afternoon rush hour was just beginning and there were plenty of people around. For some reason, though she knew he would never hurt her, Doyle's presence still made her uneasy, perhaps it was the sense of danger that always preceded their paths crossing.<p>

"I suppose I should thank you for not breaking in again," Maura sat down on the top step a few feet away from him.

Doyle smiled, "I'd never invade your privacy…without reason."

"I suppose you know everything already?" Maura asked, though it was a question she already knew the answer to. He nodded.

"Well, I know enough. Enough to feel secure that you're safe again." Doyle stood and put his hands in his pockets as he turned and looked down at his daughter, "I wish we didn't have to keep meeting under these circumstances."

Maura stood, "You choose this path…"

"To protect you."

Maura shook her head, "No, I think it's to protect yourself. You're invested in me because you feel like you have to be, family, blood, honor, it's part of this bizarre code you live by. But you don't want to really be close to me, because everyone you let yourself love, everyone you let yourself get close to leaves or dies and you add them amongst your other sins. But I'm in danger because of you whether you're around or not. So, why not be here?"

Doyle walked down the steps and turned, "Because if I was, I think you'd realize you didn't want me to be."

* * *

><p>Jane sat down on the floor in front of where Maura slept on the sofa upstairs in the studio. She was wearing the old Red Sox shirt of Jane's that she had long ago claimed as her own and pair of equally old and worn boxer shorts. Joe Friday was curled up against her chest and though she opened her eyes to acknowledge Jane's presence she made no attempt to move from where she was thoroughly ensconced against Maura's bosom and under her arm.<p>

"Yeah, I see how it is now…" Jane whispered to the little dog.

Maura's skin felt cool as Jane ran her hand under the shirt and up her back.

"Mmm," Maura groaned as she cracked open one eye, the soft strokes on her back luring her awake. "Jane," she whispered groggily, blinking a few times before she opened her eyes all the way and smiled at seeing the brunette sitting in front of her. She sat up and slid off the sofa and into Jane's lap on the floor.

"How's Frost?" Maura asked as she let her head rest on Jane's shoulder.

"He's fine. They said they'll probably release him tomorrow. I told Frankie to stay and keep him company for awhile, play some cards, hit on the nurses." Jane smiled as Maura chuckled into her neck. "Maur, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For you having to be scared again today."

Maura sat up and brought her hands to Jane's face, "I was scared, but…this is your job. I know that, and I accept that it means I may be scared sometimes. You came home to me today."

Jane pulled Maura into a kiss.

_The shots rang out from the back of the house first when and she and Frost tried to serve the warrant at the front door. Rooney and his associates had tried to get away but found the back covered by more members of SWAT. There was shouting, so much shouting and more shots. The house was dark. She remembered pausing, Maura, running through her mind. It was only for a second. The only second Frost needed to step in front of her and take the lead as Rooney's son emerged and fired._

She savored the taste of Maura on her lips, the warmth of the body in her lap, the suppleness of the skin under her hands. Their lips separated as they traded gentle breaths.

"I brought you something," Jane smiled as she leaned forward for one more kiss, one more kiss that turned into another and then another until Maura's hands began to reach for the buttons of Jane's shirt. Jane grabbed them, "I want to give you your present while it's still fresh."

Maura cocked her head and pressed her lips softly to Jane's, "Ok. I love you. And we have all night for this."

One sleek black eyebrow arched dramatically, "All night, eh? I don't know Maur, I am pretty tired, you know what with being in a shoot out and all."

Maura nipped at the tip of Jane's nose, "I told you to be careful," she replied coyly.

"I was very careful, no holes this time," Jane husked.

"I plan to show you how thankful I am for that…after you give me this present of yours," Maura smiled as she raised herself out of Jane's lap and followed her downstairs.

Maura threaded her fingers through Jane's as they walked into the kitchen. A sweet floral scent drifted faintly through the air from the small bunches of flowers that were laid out on the kitchen counter.

"I think I've exhausted the Boston metro area florists of all available orchids to choose from," Jane laughed as she pulled a stool up to the counter and sat, positioning Maura between her legs and wrapping her arms around her waist. "I had no idea there were so many different kinds," she set her chin on Maura's shoulder, "Nonna said orchids, you pick which ones."

The look Maura gave over her shoulder Jane knew she'd remember forever.

"Go on," Jane squeezed her hips giving her a little push, "don't make me cry," she laughed, "pick out our wedding flowers."

Maura sniffled, fighting back her own tears as she turned her attention towards the two and three stem bouquets. She gathered up several bunches and moved them to the side and out of the way.

"Well, that was a quick elimination," Jane snorted.

Maura glanced at her and smiled, "You don't like pink."

"I can live with pink if that's what you want."

Maura shook her head, "What I want is something we both like." She paused in front of a bunch of white orchids with a yellow and burgundy center. _Simple, elegant, yet bold...Jane._ She lifted the flowers for a closer look and brought them to her nose. The fragrance was pleasant and understated. She pulled the card attached to the stem free, "_Phalaenopsis hybrid_," it read, Maura set it aside, "from Phalaena…" she handed the flowers to Jane, "…it means moth-like," she chuckled as Jane took the bunch and eyed them.

"Do you like these?" Jane asked as she sniffed the petals.

"They're beautiful."

Jane smiled, "These are my favorite of the group. I think they're too pretty to be named after moths though."

"Many species of moth are every bit as vibrantly colored and patterned as butterflies…"

Jane stood and pulled Maura towards her passionately claiming her lips and cutting her off, "Mmhmm, moth orchids…" she mumbled between kisses, "…for our wedding…" she bit down lightly on Maura's lower lip and grinned.

* * *

><p>Maura pushed Jane down to sit on the bed and straddled her lap as she made short work of the button down and tossed it aside. Jane reached behind herself and removed her bra as Maura stripped off the Red Sox t-shirt.<p>

"Come here," Jane pulled Maura close as she eased back onto the bed to lay with their bodies flush on top of one another. She took a deep breath as she felt Maura's weight on top of her, plush breasts pressed against her own, the rise and fall of Maura's chest as she breathed. "I felt you…in that house today. You were in my head and all around me and through all of the chaos it gave me a sense of peace and resolve."

Their lips brushed lightly together, needy breaths swirling in the miniscule space between. Jane reached between them to unbutton her pants, smiling into a soft kiss as Maura's hips lifted to allow her room. She slipped the pants and her underwear down and kicked them away. Maura sat up and removed the boxer shorts and her panties before pulling Jane back up into a sitting position.

"I love you," she whispered into Jane's neck as she peppered it with kisses, her thumbs rolling over pert and rosy nipples before one hand trailed down between Jane's legs.

"Kiss me," Jane moaned as Maura entered her. She arched her back but was too restricted to roll her hips in conjunction with Maura's thrusts. "Let me lay back."

Maura eased her grip on Jane's back to allow her to lay down and smiled as Jane's fingers stroked through her own folds, circling her clit several times to catch her up and then dipping into her center to match the rhythm that Maura had established. Long legs wrapped around Maura's body and pulled them closer together.

Jane's back arched further and further off the bed, her legs tightening around Maura like a vice. Maura could feel her core starting to contract around her fingers.

"Baby," Maura panted, "I'm not there yet. Wait for me. Wait for me, Jane."

Jane nodded, swallowing hard as her eyes clenched. She would fight it; she'd fight anything to be with Maura. Her fingers slipped from Maura's center and passed over her clit, stroking it, circling it, rolling it between her fingers to move Maura closer to where she was so that they could come together. Maura gasped.

"N..ow?" Jane could barely get the question out; she was hanging so deliriously close it was almost torture. Maura bit down on her lower lip and Jane knew she was there. "Do…the same…to me," Jane panted.

Maura opened her eyes and looked down at Jane as her fingers moved to Jane's clit, in barely two strokes Jane's body quivered and shook as she orgasmed. She fought the urge to throw her head back and close her eyes. She had to see Maura, watch as her arousal plumped lips parted to allow her quickened breaths to exit, how her face relaxed though the rest of her body tensed and shook and her chest flushed.

Maura rolled off to Jane's side, closing her eyes as she waited to catch her breath. Jane ran her hand across her fiance's chest, which glistened with sweat before taking Maura's hand and sucking her fingers clean. Hazel eyes watched the gesture with adoration. Jane guided Maura onto her back and hovered over her propped up on her elbow. Her hand glided across Maura's body; following the rise of her collarbone and down over each full breast giving sensitive nipples a playful squeeze before caressing further to wipe away the sweat that had formed on Maura's abs.

She leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Maura's lips. Her lips parted to speak but she stopped. _There aren't words. There aren't enough words to tell her what she means to me._

Maura smiled and let her hand stroke across Jane's cheek, "I know," she whispered, I know."


	21. Couture

**CH 21: Couture**

She rolled over and her hand searched through the sheets, winding across and under fabric and finding nothing flailed through the air still seeking. Jane opened her eyes wearily and found the other side of the bed vacant. It was 7am, Cavanaugh had given her a couple of days off and Maura had decided to take a personal day as well and yet she was already up. With a deep groan of dissatisfaction Jane rolled dramatically out of the bed and made her way to the kitchen.

The sweet fragrance of the orchids was nearly overpowered by the strong and burly scent of brewing coffee. Jane lingered in the doorway and took in the sight of Maura sitting on a bar stool at the counter, hair pulled back, long silk robe untied and hanging open revealing her legs.

"The day off and you still get up at the crack of dawn?" Jane moseyed over and wrapped her arms around Maura, nipping playfully at her neck.

Maura set her newspaper down and leaned back into the embrace, "There's a lot to do today."

"Such as?" Jane queried reaching for Maura's cup of coffee and taking a hearty swig.

"Wedding dress shopping," Maura looked over her shoulder and smiled. "I'll have to pull strings with my tailor for alterations on such short notice so it's imperative that we pick out our attire as soon as possible."

"What time are we going then?"

Maura laughed, "Oh, you're not going. It's bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the wedding day."

Jane rolled her eyes, "Yes, by all means, let's make sure our big gay wedding is as traditional as possible."

"I would like it to be fairly traditional yes," Maura turned on the stool and hooked her legs around Jane pulling her down into a kiss, "I only plan to get married once…so yes, I'd like to keep with tradition."

"Maur," Jane pulled back running her fingers down the soft cheek in front of her, "You're sure you don't mind doing it this way? Because if you wanted to wait another 6 months or whatever to have more planning time…I won't mind."

Maura smiled and stood, running her fingers through Jane's unruly bedhead as she picked out the mats, "No, I want to do it this way. It's perfect. Are you sure it doesn't bother you not going dress shopping with me?"

"Well," Jane bit down on her lower lip as she fidgeted with her hands, "It's just…you always help me pick out my dresses. And this is a really important dress and I'm not sure I'll know what to get if you're not there."

It dawned on her, and Maura's eyes widened. "Jane, you're going to wear a dress?"

The tall brunette sat down on the stool and again claimed Maura's coffee, "Yeah, of course, what else would I wear? Like you said, I only plan to get married once and I'm not going to deprive Ma of her lifelong dream of seeing me in a wedding dress."

Maura leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Jane's temple, "I'll go with you, if that's what you want."

"No," Jane protested, "If your dress is going to be a surprise to me, I want my dress to be a surprise to you."

"I didn't think you'd be wearing a dress so I asked Angela to go with my mother and I today. But, I can call her and tell her to go with you instead," Maura began to reach for her phone.

"Don't you dare!" Jane pulled her arm away and spun Maura into an embrace, laughing under her breath as she pressed their lips together, relishing the bitter Arabica notes their tongues traded back and forth. "Ma was never any good at picking out dresses for me, she'll just stress me out and make it unpleasant. I am more than happy to let you take this one for the team. Besides, it will be kind of fun for it to be a surprise to her as well. I'll see if Deena, Michelle and hell, maybe even Gretchen are free sometime this week."

* * *

><p>Judith Isles and Angela took a seat in the viewing area. Angela could barely contain her excitement and already had her tissues at the ready. The very ambiance of L'elite Bridal Boutique was enough to…<em>how did Maura put it once? Do something with something called an amygdala and a lacri-something or other<em>. Angela tried to recollect the technical terminology but failed.

"This is one of the finest boutiques in Boston," Judith offered with a smile, "they carry some of the best European and American bridal designers."

"I know it's bad luck for Jane to see Maura's dress before the day, I just wish she was here to get some ideas. God only knows what she'll wear…" Angela laughed and dabbed at her eyes.

"I'm sure whatever she wears she'll look stunning, her build and bone structure are exquisite," Judith reached a finger towards her own cheek, surprised at the warm moisture that she found there, "Angela, I may have to ask you for one of your tissues," she sniffled.

* * *

><p>The dress consultant was a stately but down to earth woman in her fifties with a close-cropped silver bob and sparkling blue eyes that looked out from petite spectacles. She had a pleasant smile and a calming demeanor that helped put Maura somewhat at ease.<p>

"My name is Marianne, Dr. Isles, and I'll be your consultant today. Why don't we start by you telling me about the setting for your ceremony and any ideas you have for the style of your dress, what you like, what you don't like," Marianne smiled as her assistant walked up with a glass of wine, which she handed to Maura.

Maura took a sip of the Chardonnay and then set it aside, "The ceremony will be outdoors in Bar Harbor, Maine. So, I don't want anything too heavy or overly structured. I'd like it to have a…lightness, not just in terms of fabric and weight but in style. My fiancé, Jane, is also wearing a dress and we're picking out our dresses separately so I don't know what she'll be wearing but Jane likes very simple designs so I don't want my dress to be overwhelming in terms of detail."

"Two brides!" Marianne exclaimed, "My favorite weddings, twice the dresses," she winked, "Ok, so I'd say based on what you've just told me we'll avoid Monique Lhuillier, probably too intricate and ornate and our current Peter Lagner collection is going to be too architectural. Most of Badgley Mischka's current collection might be a bit heavy, but there's one, oh yes, one I'll definitely pull. There's a beautiful Carolina Herrera that I think you'll like. Oscar de la Renta has some fantastic pieces if you're open to lace. And…Liancarlo of course, why don't we start there."

Maura sipped on her wine while she waited for Marianne to return. The anticipation was almost unbearable as she questioned whether banning Jane from the joint dress shopping had really been the best idea. Now she worried about picking the dresses separately. A tux was a tux and would look good next to anything, but what if the dresses clashed?

Marianne returned with her assistant and they began to hang the various dresses around the room. Maura took a deep breath. _This is real_. The Liancarlo dresses were classic, simple and stunning. Maura was immediately drawn to them, but not for herself, all she could think of was Jane.

"I thought you would like those," Marianne smiled, "As soon as you said outdoor wedding and something light and airy I thought Liancarlo probably had the most to choose from. I get the impression you might generally prefer something with a little more detail but in silhouette, style and tone these are lovely."

Maura nodded, "They're beautiful; but, I think the more free-flowing skirt would look better on a body like Jane's. She's very tall and slender." The emotion of the moment was slowly getting the better of her and Maura sniffled trying to fight back the tears.

Marianne's hands were soft and reassuring on her shoulders, "It can be very emotional. Why don't we give you a few moments, there's no rush."

She had been in the business long enough to have become quite deft at reading her brides. There was the typical emotional shock of putting on the dress for the first time and then there were tears that spoke to something deeper. Marianne approached Judith and Angela, "Ladies, the bride is getting a little bit teary. It's not uncommon so we're just going to give her a few moments, but…I have a feeling that she might really like Jane to be here."

* * *

><p>Maura let the seconds slip into minutes and continue to tick along until she began to feel guilty about wasting everyone's time. She slipped out of the dressing room and down the hall to the powder room so that she could attempt to impose at least a façade of composure. Marianne was standing outside the door when she returned, a wide smile on her face.<p>

"Now that we've had a moment, are we ready?"

Maura managed a smile and nodded yes as Marianne opened the door for her.

Dark brunette hair cascaded in long loose curls down a toned and bare back. It stopped just before the top of the buttery ivory hued ruched Liancarlo bodice. Maura's eyes trailed down to where long fingers tinkered with the satin sash tied in a bow at the back of the gown before falling into angelic silk chiffon.

Jane looked over her shoulder and smiled nonchalantly, "Perfect. Wouldn't you say?"

_Perfect_. "So beautiful," Maura choked out, tears again welling up in her eyes.

"No, no…" Jane grabbed a tissue and dabbed the droplets away, "I'm here to stop the tears." She placed a soft kiss on the corner of Maura's mouth.

"How did you? And how did you get here so fast?" Maura finally smiled, genuine relief and happiness finally evident in her eyes.

"Honey," Marianne stepped forward and began removing the Herrera gown from its bag, "I've been doing this for almost thirty years. I'm practically psychic."

Jane lifted Maura's hand and ran her finger over Nonna's ring, "And I kind of thought you might change your mind. So I've sort of been milling around the area in case my mother or yours called."

* * *

><p>"Oh!" Angela gasped, her hand flying to her mouth as Jane and Maura walked out hand in hand. "She's wearing a dress!" She squeaked. Angela looked over at Judith, who was stricken silent, tears soaking through the tissue she was too afraid to move from her eyes lest her makeup streak.<p>

"Ma…" Jane shook her head, trying to laugh it off, but Angela stood clutching the tissue in both her hands, lower lip quivering, unconcerned with the mascara that was being deposited in tributary lines down her face. "Ma," Jane found herself sniffling, "please don't cry…please."

Angela wrapped her arms around her daughter, "I didn't think I'd really get to see you in a dress."

Jane ran her hands through her hair, "You…really like it?"

"It's the most beautiful I've ever seen you," Angela took a deep breath, "Nonna would be so proud."

Jane nodded and reached back for Maura's hand as they stepped up in front of the mirrors. Marianne checked the bow on Jane's back and twisted her long locks up into a bun as her assistant stepped up with a sample veil to complete the look; neither dress had a train to adjust so Marianne stood back. Maura moved from standing in front of Jane to looking around behind her. She smiled as she ran her hand under the veil and across Jane's back.

"Do you like the veil?" Maura whispered.

"Not really," Jane murmured.

Maura deftly pulled the pins that secured the tulle to Jane's hair and handed the veil back to Marianne as she freed the bun and let Jane's hair again fall in loose waves down her back. _Better_, she thought, _no, more than better…stunning._

The vision of Maura in Carolina Herrera was cast across the round of body-length mirrors. The off-white ribbon embroidered chantilly lace strapless gown hugged her curves all the way down to her hips before falling away in semi-structured freedom. The gown in and of itself was stunning. Marianne walked up behind her and tugged the bodice upwards, "Remember it's a sample," she qualified.

"It's beautiful, but…" Maura glanced towards Jane with a sly smile, "I think it might be just a tad low for my…bust."

Jane smirked and mumbled "Works for me," under breath, earning a playful pinch from Maura.

"If I may," Judith's voice chimed in from behind, "Since Jane's dress is more of a gold-toned ivory, I'd like to see Maura in something of the same hue. I'm not sure I like the stark white contrast against the more subtle tone of the other dress. Angela?"

Angela looked from Judith and then to her girls with a smile, nodding her head in agreement, "Yes, I agree. And I think something softer will compliment Maura's beautiful skin tone and hair."

"I didn't even think of that!" Judith exclaimed, "I think you're quite right."

Jane winked at Maura as Marianne ushered her back to the fitting room. Once there Marianne excitedly unsheathed the Badgley Mischka gown that her mind had first wandered to as she listened to Maura's description of the wedding. She presented the dress, near identical hue to that Jane was wearing, a strapless sweetheart neckline that she knew would provide slightly more coverage than the Herrera and a stunning lace overlay in a leaf pattern. _Could there be a more perfect dress for an outdoor wedding?_ A satin sash drew attention to a cluster of hand-sewn tulle, satin and lace flowers that would rest on one hip and provide that extra splash of detail. The dress was simple in silhouette yet stylish and intriguing to the eye without being overpowering.

Jane fidgeted, massaging at the scars on her palms not from pain but from anticipation, _God I hope she's not back there crying again. Way too much crying going on today and I can only hold out for so_…All thought ceased as Maura walked out. Jane was quite sure her mouth was hanging agape.

"You look like you're about to cry," Maura whispered with a smirk as she stepped in front of the mirrors.

Everyone was silent, though Jane was fairly certain she could hear the controlled sniffles of both her mother and future mother-in-law. If nothing else she was positive anyone within a few feet could hear her heart beating at a frenetic pace. She watched as Marianne and her assistant brought out another veil and secured it to Maura's hair. Maura for her part stood stoicly, staring ahead at the several reflections, hands clasped in front of her she twisted Nonna's ring round and round on her finger. In that moment she couldn't believe she had wanted to go through this without Jane; now, all of a sudden, all that mattered to her was what the woman standing next to her thought.

"Well?" Maura asked softly, looking over into Jane's eyes, trying desperately to remain as neutral as possible.

Glistening hazel eyes gave everything away, though Jane didn't need the extra help, she could read Maura like a book. She smiled and as she tried to speak her body betrayed her, bringing her hand to her mouth she laughed as the words and tears started to tumble out, "I want to marry you in that dress."

* * *

><p>Jane shimmied out of her dress first as Marianne double-checked her measurements, "Glad I came?"<p>

"Very," Maura nodded, "I guess I'll have to think of some other way to surprise you on our wedding day."

"Hmm," Jane handed Maura her clothes as she was liberated from the dress, "You know I don't like surprises." She waited until Maura was dressed and then wrapped her arms around her from behind, nuzzling into soft and fragrant hair, kissing a tender neck and along Maura's jaw, "But, I'll make an exception for you. You were a surprise, and nothing but good things have come from that."

Maura turned in her arms and placed several rapid kisses on Jane's lips, "I love you."

"I love you too," Jane smiled, "And because I love you, and you like how I look in that dress over there, how big of a loan am I going to have to take out to afford it," she laughed. _So whipped._

"It's taken care of," Judith's voice announced from the doorway, "Both dresses are taken care of."

"Mother," Maura began to protest, "I was going to pay for our dresses."

"Nonsense," Judith walked into the dressing room, "Maura it's my duty and my desire as your mother to pay for your dress. Jane…" Judith reached for Jane's hand, "It's my privilege and my honor to pay for yours."

* * *

><p>** Author's note, never let it be said I don't do research for a fic; I literally spent three hours looking at wedding dresses online! Ha! If anyone is interested, the dress I ended up describing for Jane is from Liancarlo's Fall 2010 collection style 4832. Maura I put in Badgley Mischka's Fall 2011 collection dress name: Leonora.<p> 


	22. I Carry Your Heart

**Notes:** Wow, this is the last chapter of Evolution and thus brings to a close my Revelations – Disclosure – Shadows series. It's been a long journey, literally and figuratively. I thank all of you that have been reading this series whether you've commented or not I hope that you have enjoyed it.

**CH 22: I Carry Your Heart**

Sometimes the pervasive feeling of being watched rolls over a person like fog in the early dawn. It settles, heavy and thick on that which it surrounds. It's more than a blanket, it envelopes, completely covers, wrapping around and under, over and through. There's something comforting about that. Looking out on a city covered in grey, as if someone pulled the clouds down to earth. They mask the clutter; make things simple. Jane likes the fog on a lazy day. It's a good excuse to stay in bed, or make a nest of covers on the sofa and watch a movie or read a book. She reads more books these days…because of Maura. She's thinking about fog but it's not about that; not really, there won't be any fog today. Summer is only just officially over and the heavy fog days are still probably several weeks out. Her mental ramblings had strayed towards fog as she thought about being watched.

"You're staring at me," she mumbles out of the corner of her mouth, eyes still closed. She had been asleep on her stomach with her face pressed down into the pillow.

No response at first, only a soft giggle and the light touch of fingers roaming through her hair. The bed shifts and the presence is closer now, laying along side her, she can feel the heat coming off the other body and intermittent breaths washing over her face and tickling at her neck. Jane smiles as plush familiar lips press to her cheek.

"The day after tomorrow," Maura whispered, "we'll be married."

That makes Jane open her eyes. She rolls over and pulls Maura down to her as she wraps her arms around her soon to be wife.

"Mmmm," Jane hummed into Maura's hair, one hand weaving through the sleep-mussed locks to lightly scratch and massage a delicate neck, the other hand following the dip in the center of Maura's back as it caressed up and down. "My wife."

Maura smiled and began to gently kiss and suck at Jane's neck, "My wife," she repeated.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe Maura didn't want a bachelorette party!" Gretchen yelled. The Robber was packed; it seemed damn near half the force was crammed inside. She poured another pint and artfully slid it across the table into Jane's waiting hand.<p>

"She left for the bed and breakfast in Bar Harbor with Tara and her parents around lunchtime. Wanted to have tonight and tomorrow morning before we all get there to make sure everything is in order," Jane took a swig of the beer and nearly spat it immediately out as she saw Frankie clumsily attempting to stand and perch atop a barstool. _If my best man concusses himself before my wedding, I'll kill him, she thought._

"If I could have your attention!" Frankie lifted his arms and motioned for everyone to quiet down. He reached out and accepted a beer from Frost and raised it in the air as he looked at Jane.

"Oh God," Jane laughed under her breath.

A hush rolled through the bar as the officers turned, passing beers and shots to comrades who needed a refill as the best man began his speech.

"A buddy once asked me if I ever wished I'd had an older brother instead of an older sister. I told him no, that Jane was the best older sibling anyone could ask for, sister, brother or otherwise. I never had to idolize superheroes or tv stars because I had someone to look up to in the bedroom right next to mine. Sometimes she yelled at me and sometimes she roughed me up and most of the time I deserved it. But I never wanted for someone I knew had my back and I never had to look far for the person I wanted to grow up to be just like. A year ago, I almost lost her. I almost lost her because she did what she's always done; she put herself on the line for the people she loves. If anyone in this room deserves true happiness it's Jane. I always knew that Jane loved her family and her job but I could also tell that there was still something missing. When Jane and Maura finally realized what, and not to brag…well ok, maybe to brag just a little, what most of the rest of us could see a long time ago, I could finally see that my sister was whole. Mark Twain said that to get the full value of joy, you have to have someone to divide it with. So, let's divide our cheers in a moment between my sister Jane, and her wife to be, Maura. And Janie, may you get all of your wishes but one, so that you always have something to strive for. Cin cin!"

Loud and raucous cheers rang out through the bar as Jane made her way towards her brother, who with Frost's assistance hopped down from the stool.

"Thanks little brother," Jane whispered as she threw her arms around Frankie.

"Love you, Sis."

* * *

><p>Maura was standing outside the bed and breakfast as the Rizzoli family caravan pulled up with Frost, Korsak, Gretchen, Deena, Sarah and Michelle in tow as well. <em>Family and a few close friends<em>, Maura smiled as they all began to exit their vehicles.

Jane trotted over and cupped Maura's face as she placed a heated kiss on her lips and whispered, "One more day."

"Mmhmm," Maura smiled into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Jane's body.

"Is everything all taken care of? No problems?"

Maura laced her fingers through Jane's and led her and the group inside, "So far so good. Nothing left to do but the rehearsal and the after rehearsal dinner tonight."

"Great, so can you perhaps spirit me away from my family, especially my mother who is as close to driving me stark raving mad as she's ever been in my entire life so that we can spend a little time together…alone."

Maura laughed, Angela on a good day could be quit the handful. Angela the day before her daughter's wedding…it was the one time Maura was glad to have an overly reserved mother. "We have a couple of hours until the rehearsal. I think we could safely slip away to my room once everyone is settled. But you should drop your bags off in your room first, lest you get any ideas." Maura winked.

"Sticking to that whole, no seeing me on the wedding day until you walk down the aisle thing, huh?"

"Tradition," Maura reminded her teasingly.

* * *

><p>"So this is our honeymoon suite?" Jane asked as she entered the room, looking around and then opening the French doors to the outside.<p>

It was perfect. Not some cold generic hotel room, the location was visually stunning, the ambience warm and inviting. The Inn itself was perched on an overlook of Frenchman's Bay and Maura had secured an ocean view suite with a private balcony. The cobalt expanse of rolling water rolled into the emerald lawn of the inn's grounds and converged on the pristine white of the balcony. The color of the room approximated a variant of teal though tending towards a more slate tinted blue. There was a subtle Victorian era style in the room's accents but it was classic, almost academic with its hardwood floors, dark hued tapestry rugs, fireplace, and leather furniture in the sitting area. Jane eyed the massive king size bed with crisp ivory linens. _We'll make good use of that_, she mused.

"It is. Do you like it?" Maura stepped out onto the balcony and put her hands on Jane's hips as she rested her cheek on the familiar shoulder.

"I love it." Jane turned around in Maura's arms and captured her lips. The surroundings and the anticipation breathed fire into the kiss forcing Jane to reluctantly exercise some self-control. A little more waiting would only make the following night that much more passionate. She slowly let her lips pull away and delicately ran her fingers over Maura's face.

"Have you written your vows yet?" Maura asked, darting forward to steal one more peck from Jane's unsuspecting lips.

Jane laughed, "Nope."

"Jane!" Maura gave her a playful swat on the shoulder and headed back into the suite.

"Hey! Never doubt Jane Rizzoli under pressure. I promise to have something brilliant and inspiring by tomorrow afternoon." Jane pulled her shoes off and crawled onto the massive bed. "But for now, take a nap with me." Jane reached out and hummed with satisfaction as Maura settled into her arms.

"I would never doubt you," Maura pressed her lips to Jane's once more.

"Mmm," Jane smiled, "Now, no funny business while we nap, Doctor. I'd hate to have to fend off any hanky panky. You know, tradition and all."

Maura snuggled in as closely to Jane's body as she could get and let her head fall to the pillow, eyes fluttering shut with a contented smile on her face.

This time it was Jane who leaned in to sneak a kiss as she whispered, "Isn't your dress going to get wrinkled for the rehearsal?"

Maura giggled, "No. I have another outfit for that."

Jane rolled her eyes jokingly though Maura's were still shut and oblivious to the gesture, "Of course you do."

* * *

><p>"I just think your hair would look better up!" Angela fussed, pacing around in front of her daughter as Maura's stylist put the last touches on Jane's now expertly smoothed, rolled and long curls. He checked the fresh orchids that were pinned to the sections of hair he had pulled back from her face and laughed under his breath.<p>

"Ma, just be glad I'm letting Philippe DO my hair and makeup. You know I could have just rolled out of bed today and thrown the dress on…" Jane waited for it.

"Jane! You wouldn't have dared!" Angela gasped.

"No Ma! I wouldn't have! Geez, will you lighten up! You're not going to make me nervous, Ma, I swear to God you're not. I'm…completely…zen," Jane closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"You should be nervous! Everyone's nervous on their wedding day. You're going to walk down the aisle in less than an hour and make a lifetime commitment to something other than the Red Sox!"

"Out!" Jane pointed towards the door, interrupting her mother's protests, "Out! Out! Out! Frankie, get her out!"

"Come on Ma," Frankie tried to usher the flustered woman out the door, "It's uh, bride and best man time anyway."

"Technically dear, wouldn't you be the maid of honor?" Angela questioned. _Never underestimate a mother scorned._

"Out Ma!" Frankie gave her one last push with Philippe hot on her heels, snickering all the way out.

Jane was standing when Frankie turned back around, her hands nervously brushing down the front of her dress over and over again. He didn't get to see this side of Jane often and it had nothing to do with her being in a dress. No, this was Jane in her rarest form, stripped completely down. There was no façade of toughness, no affected swagger, only nervousness, vulnerability and complete and unabashed love. It had taken a special person to get his sister here. It had taken Maura.

"Quit staring at me and say something," Jane grumbled.

"I hope one day that I have a bride that looks as beautiful as you do," Frankie said as he stepped forward and reached for her hands.

"Say something else you mush," Jane laughed.

"Check list, right, Ma made me promise, something old?"

Jane rolled her eyes, "What is it with you people and these wedding things?"

Frankie shook his head, "It's tradition! Now come on, something old?" Jane held up her left hand and flashed Mrs. Isles' engagement ring. "Something new…the dress, something borrowed?"

Jane pulled her hair back, "Ma's diamond earrings."

"Then that just leaves something blue," Frankie looked his sister over from head to toe and then over at the bouquet. _No blue._

"Uh?" Jane bit down on her lip, "Guess I forgot the blue."

"You're a mess Janie, not even…you know," he motioned towards his own chest and lower, "under there?"

"Because it's my wedding day and you're my…maid of honor," Jane quipped, "I'm going to let it slide that you just asked me about underwear."

Frankie blushed slightly as he laughed, "Well, I sort of thought you'd forget the blue part." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a jewelry box. "Tommy, Pop and I, we all went and picked it out for you."

Jane opened the box and pulled out the delicate gold bracelet dotted with glimmering sapphires, "Frankie…" she sniffled, fighting the tears.

"No tears," Frankie ordered as Jane pulled him into a hug, "Ma will kill you if you mess up Philippe's work."

* * *

><p>Judith Isles dabbed at the corners of her eyes as she looked over her daughter. Philippe had pulled Maura's hair up and the same orchids she and Jane had selected adorned her coiffure as well. She ran over the tradition checklist, "Old," glancing down at the ring, "new," <em>the dress<em>, "borrowed…my pearls do look lovely on you, Maura. And blue…yes, well, I think Tara and I saw that earlier," she ended with a sly smile. "If you don't need me, I'm going to go get seated…"

"I'm good, Tara can help me if I need anything else," Maura reached for her mother and placed a light kiss on her cheek.

Maura waited a few seconds after the door had shut, "Oh, I thought she'd never leave. She's never fussed over me so much and made me this nervous in my entire life!"

Tara laughed, "You're her daughter and you're getting married; it's the way things are supposed to be." Tara fought the sadness at the thought that when her wedding day came she would have no mother to fuss over her. She smiled, trying to hide the fleeting sentiment.

Maura pulled her into a tight embrace, "I'm so glad that you could come back from Ireland to be here."

"Of course," Tara tightened her grip around Maura, her…_family_, "I wouldn't miss my sister's wedding for anything."

There was a light rap at the door followed by Frankie's voice asking if everyone was decent. Tara took her cue and slipped out.

"Maura…" Jane's voice drifted in through the cracked door.

"Jane, you can't come in," Maura fidgeted nervously as she looked towards the door, fighting the urge to run to it and fling it open.

"I know. I…there's someone out here who would like to see you. Is it ok if he comes in?" Jane stepped back and motioned towards the door.

Paddy Doyle stepped into Maura's suite and closed the door behind him. He wore a simple grey suite with a white dress shirt and a tie close to the same shade of orchid as the wedding color accents. He smiled, looking Maura up and down. She ran all of their interactions over in her head and she was quite sure it was the first time she'd seen him smile out of what looked like genuine pride and happiness.

"How did you?" Maura started to ask.

"Jane. She tracked me down and invited me. If you don't want me at the ceremony I won't go, but I did want to see you on your wedding day. You look beautiful Maura. I wish Margaret could be here; she'd be so proud," Doyle moved closer to his daughter.

"No, of course I want you to come to the ceremony. I've told you I…want to get to know you. There are a lot of things about your life that I can't accept, but I want to know you. I want to understand where I came from," Maura let her biological father take her hand.

"I wanted to give you something," Doyle reached into his blazer pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, folding back the white linen corners to reveal two antique hair pins of simple pearls. "They were my mother's, she wore them on her wedding day. I'd like you to have them."

Maura smiled, "They're beautiful, would you?" She turned to allow Doyle to slide the pins down into her hair on either side of Philippe's exquisitely and intricately crafted bun.

Doyle reached for her face and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, "Live each day loving her, cherishing her. Learn from my mistakes. Never take for granted the gift of her in your life."

"I won't."

* * *

><p>A light breeze stroked across the Inn's vast lawn as it rolled in from the bay bringing with it the refreshing notes of the early fall salt water. Jane glanced up at the pristine sky and then past the Reverend from St. Saviour's Episcopal Church who had graciously agreed to preside over the blessing and out over the vast expanse of the water. A few sailboats were in the bay and Jane smiled watching them cut lithe trails through the waves. The Reverend cleared his throat and smiled at Jane, nodding towards the garden where Maura was emerging, escorted by her father as the string quartet had struck up Beethoven's Ode to Joy from his 9th Symphony. Caught up in the scenery and the anticipation Jane had failed to notice the start of the music, but she turned now and watched; tears threatening to breach the stoic façade she had tried so hard all day to maintain. And then, there she was, William Isles reaching for Jane's hand and linking it with Maura's.<p>

They hadn't wanted anything fancy, simply a public expression of their commitment to one another with a religious element to satisfy Jane's family. The Reverend had suggested an adaptation of the Episcopal wedding short form that he had previously used for same-sex blessings. There was an opening blessing, Tara and Tommy each did a reading and before they knew it the Reverend was directing them to read the vows they had each written.

Maura took both of Jane's hands in her own and looked into dark brown eyes. She had to pause for a moment and compose herself, taking a deep breath before beginning, "Jane, I've been captivated by you since the moment we met. At that time, I had no idea what it would become. I thought I knew what it felt like to love someone before you; but the day I almost lost you I realized that everything I thought was love before was so shallow compared to what I felt for you. I thought I had loved, but I never had until I loved you. I thought I had been loved but I never was, until I was loved by you. I bring myself to you today to share my life with you, to cherish you every minute of every day we are blessed to spend together. You are everything I have ever needed and wanted; you are the answer to everything my life has ever lacked. You are my best friend, my heart, you make me whole."

Tara stepped forward and handed Maura the wedding band she had selected for Jane.

"Maura," the Reverend began, "As you place the ring on Jane's finger, please repeat after me. I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow…And with all that I am…and all that I have…I honor you."

Jane let go, let the warm tears spill over and streak down her face as she watched Maura's trembling hand slide the ring onto her finger. She took a deep breath and attempted to still the quiver she felt in her voice as she began to speak, "Maura, since the moment you first kissed me I knew that in the best way possible nothing about my life would be the same. I wasn't sure I could find the words to say today that could possibly convey what having you in my life has meant to me. But I found some inspiration in the words of someone much more eloquent than myself: _I carry your heart with me; I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go. I fear no fate; I want no world, for you are my world._ Every part of me belongs to you and all of the strength and good things that I have found in myself over this past year are because of you and the love you have given to me. Everything that is me, belonged to you long before today and continues to be yours for every day after. I love you, without question, without reservation, for all that you are and for all that you have made me."

Jane took the ring from Frankie and waited for the Reverend's prompt.

"Jane, as you place the ring on Maura's finger, please repeat after me. I give you this ring as a sign of our covenant under God…And with all that I am…And all that I have…I honor you." The Reverend raised his hands, "In as much as you have pledged to the other your lifelong commitment, love and devotion, I now pronounce you joined together. Those whom love has joined, let no one put asunder. You may seal your bond with a kiss."

* * *

><p>Sunlight and the crisp morning air flooded in the open French doors, ushered in by the swirling soprano notes of the gulls that circled the beach. Jane lay propped up on her side as she looked down at Maura, still asleep. Her hand reached out and traced the trail of goosebumps on the nude form beside her, down one collarbone, between Maura's perfect breasts, Jane smiled running her fingers lightly over erect nipples before letting her hand continue its travels down to a smooth stomach and then lower.<p>

Maura's eyes fluttered open and she smiled as Jane leaned down to meet her lips tenderly, almost reverently.

"Mmm," Maura hummed, "It's a little cold." She wrapped her arms around Jane and pulled her body down, arching her back as she felt Jane's hand stroke over her hip and down the outside of her thigh.

"Good morning," Jane whispered as her lips sought out their favorite target under Maura's ear and then worked across her neck. "Getting warmer?"

"Yes," she gasped as Jane's fingers teased over the top of her thigh and then begged for more intimate contact. "Today is really the beginning," Maura smiled guiding Jane's lips back to her own.

"Let's start it off right," Jane pushed herself up to straddle Maura, their hands seeking each other out, setting a familiar and practiced rhythm. "Beautiful," Jane moaned, watching Maura's chest rise and fall, the swell of the breast cupped in her free hand, the sparkling hazel eyes that looked back at her and never broke away.

"I love you," Maura's voice was almost a whisper as her back arched further off the bed, seeking more of Jane. "My wife." The words tumbled out gracefully and simultaneously weighted with the deepest devotion as she climaxed, trembling quietly around Jane's touch.

Jane's lips covered hers; strong arms gathering Maura into an embrace as her body finally gave in to Maura's strokes. "My wife," Jane panted into Maura's neck, now glistening with a warm sheen of sweat despite the chill in the air. The orgasm rolled through her body, "My heart…my everything."

Their bodies melted together, limbs tangled; the slight variance in their complexions the only mark of where Jane's body began and Maura's ended. Lips met and traded I love yous between smoldering kisses that waned only as exhaustion from the previous day and late night reasserted itself. Jane fought it at first, eyes falling shut only to flash open and be soothed closed again by soft kisses to her forehead as Maura's fingers raked tranquilly through her hair.

"Sleep," Maura hummed as she pulled the covers around them and closed her own eyes.

"Every minute I'm sleeping is a minute I'm not looking at you and telling you how much I love you…" Jane lightly protested.

"Make it up to me later today, tonight, tomorrow…"

"And everyday for the rest of our lives, I love you." Jane finished.

"I love you," Maura whispered as she slipped into sleep, Jane all around her, skin on skin, heartbeat over heartbeat, the sensation of breaths ghosting over her skin and the smoky professions of devotion echoing in her ear.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's notes:<strong> The poem Jane references in her vows is e.e. cumming's "I carry your heart." Additionally, I just want to give a little bit of an explanation on the wedding since some may be interested in the reality of what I wrote. Obviously I make the assumption Jane and Maura procured a valid marriage license from the state of Massachusetts. Maine does not currently recognize same-sex unions; however, the Episcopal Church leaves it open to individual diocese to decide whether they will officiate over same-sex blessings. It is widely known that some Episcopal priests will officiate over same-sex blessings whether or not their diocese "formally" allows it. In these instances, it is my understanding the ceremony in this case would likely not be held in a church. I did find a draft document from the Bishop of the Diocese of Maine that allows individual discretion by priests in performing same-sex blessings. The Diocese does not allow the Book of Common Prayer, which holds the formal wedding ceremony - both a short form and a full mass version, to be used in same-sex blessings. Any other liberties taken are my own and should not be in any way associated with the real St Saviour's Church in Bar Harbor or the Episcopal Diocese of Maine. I also omitted using the name of the actual clergy from St. Saviour's Church because I do not know if in fact that Reverend agrees to perform same-sex blessings though the church's mission statement explicitly welcomes people regardless of sexual orientation. In any event, I thought this was an explanation/disclaimer that was warranted given the sensitive nature of the subject with some.


End file.
